Stepping back into the dating world after a long hiatus can feel daunting. Perhaps it has been years or even decades since you last went on a first date. Consequently, the landscape has likely shifted dramatically. Apps, ghosting, and the dreaded “situationship” have unfortunately become the new normal. While you might feel a bit rusty, it is crucial to remember that you possess something valuable: experience.
However, the desire for connection can sometimes act as rose-colored glasses. Therefore, you must remain vigilant. Trusting your intuition is key because you are smarter now than you were in your twenties. To help you navigate this terrain safely, here are the subtle—and not-so-subtle—red flags to spot on that first date.
1. The “Love Bomber”
Initially, it feels incredible when a date compliments you aggressively. For instance, he might tell you that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever met or discuss future vacations within the first hour. Nevertheless, this behavior is often a manipulation tactic known as “love bombing.”
Real intimacy requires time to build naturally. Therefore, rushing the emotional process is a major sign of instability. He is likely falling for the idea of you rather than getting to know the real person sitting across from him. Consequently, once the fantasy fades, he may disappear just as quickly as he arrived.
2. The Ex-Files
Does he mention his ex-wife constantly? Specifically, pay close attention to the language he uses to describe her. If he characterizes her as “crazy” or a “psycho,” you should view this as a massive warning sign.
Furthermore, listen to see if he takes any responsibility for the breakup. If he claims to be the victim in every scenario, run. In reality, healthy individuals have processed their pasts rather than trying to erase them or blame others entirely. If he takes zero accountability now, he will eventually paint you as the villain in his next story.
3. Rude to the Waitstaff
Watch closely how he treats the server or bartender. Is he dismissive? Conversely, does he snap his fingers or complain excessively about the table location?
Undoubtedly, this interaction is the truest test of a person’s character. Essentially, it reveals how he treats people he deems “beneath” him. Eventually, that same contemptuous attitude will be directed toward you once the “honeymoon phase” ends and real life begins.
4. Testing Your Boundaries
For instance, if you state that you do not drink, yet he insists on ordering you a glass of wine, take note. Similarly, if you say you need to leave by 9 PM and he begs you to stay, these are not romantic gestures.
In fact, he is checking to see if you will fold under pressure. If he cannot respect a small “no” now, he certainly won’t respect a big “no” later. Ultimately, firm boundaries are the best way to repel toxic people.
5. The Interrogator
Be wary if he asks probing questions about your finances, alimony, or custody arrangements early on. Specifically, if he wants to know your net worth or home equity, it feels like an interview rather than a date.
Therefore, you must protect your privacy. Unfortunately, some predators specifically target vulnerable women with assets. As a result, it is wise to keep financial details locked down until he has truly earned your trust.
6. The Phone Addict
Is his phone on the table, face up? Furthermore, does he check every notification or answer a “quick call” during dinner? If so, this clearly signals that you are not the priority.
Moreover, it displays a lack of basic manners and presence. You deserve a partner who can disconnect from technology for an hour to focus on you. Unless it is a genuine emergency, his attention should remain on the conversation.
7. Moving Too Fast Physically
Does he touch you intimately without gauging your comfort level first? Perhaps he pushes for a kiss or more immediately, ignoring your body language.
Above all, physical intimacy should be mutual and enthusiastic. A man who respects you will always wait for a signal. Therefore, do not compromise your comfort just to be “polite.”
Trust Your Instincts
In conclusion, your gut knows what your head often tries to ignore. You have survived marriage and life challenges; therefore, use that hard-earned wisdom. If something feels off, it usually is. There is no need to “wait and see” if things improve. Instead, prioritize protecting your peace first.
Have you encountered a major red flag recently that made you walk away immediately? Share your experience in the comments to help other women stay safe.
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The post 7 Red Flags to Look for on a First Date After You’ve Been Married for Years appeared first on Budget and the Bees.
