It happens at a networking event, or even in the grocery line. A near-stranger turns to you and drops a question so personal it takes your breath away. We learn to be polite, but people often use this politeness against us. Ultimately, you are never obligated to answer an invasive question. Here are the top offenders.
1. “When Are You Having Kids?” (Or “Another One?”)
This is the most common. People treat it like small talk, but for many, it’s a deeply painful question. This line of questioning ignores infertility, miscarriages, or a conscious choice. It’s, quite frankly, none of their business, and it also reduces you to your reproductive status.
2. “Why Aren’t You Married?” (Or “Why Are You Single?”)
This question carries a lot of judgment, as it implies that being single is a problem you must solve. Or, conversely, it suggests that your long-term partnership is “less than” because it’s not legal. In short, it’s a rude, outdated question. Your relationship status is not up for public discussion.
3. “How Much Money Do You Make?” (Or “How Much Did That Cost?”)
This question, unless you’re negotiating salary with a colleague, is incredibly invasive. A stranger asking about your income or the cost of your car is just digging. In many cases, it’s a way to gauge your social class. Therefore, you should never feel pressured to answer.
4. “Have You Lost/Gained Weight?”
Any comment on a person’s body is a minefield. After all, you never know the story behind a weight change. For example, it could be an illness, an eating disorder, or a period of intense stress. This “observation” is not a compliment. Instead, it’s a judgment hiding in conversation.
5. “What’s Your Religion/Political Party?”
These topics are deeply personal. A stranger is not entitled to know your core beliefs. Furthermore, they often ask this not to learn, but to categorize you. They want to see if you are “one of them.” Consequently, it’s a way to start an argument, not a friendship.
6. “Are You Really Sick?” (Regarding a disability or time off)
This is a horrible question, as it implies you are lying. For people with invisible illnesses, this is a constant battle. Your medical history is private. You do not, therefore, owe anyone an explanation, a diagnosis, or a “defense” for why you need an accommodation.
7. “Where Are You Really From?”
People of color almost exclusively receive this question. The person asks “Where are you from?” You say “Ohio.” They respond, “No, where are you really from?” This is a microaggression. In effect, it tells the person that the asker doesn’t see them as a “real” American. Ultimately, it’s a way of othering them.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Personal Story
You have a right to your privacy. You don’t have to be rude, but you can be firm. A simple, “I’m not comfortable discussing that,” is a perfect reply. Or you can redirect. When they ask “How much did your house cost?”, you can say, “It’s a great neighborhood, we’re very happy.” You are in control. Don’t let a stranger’s rudeness steal your peace.
What’s the most invasive question a stranger has ever asked you? How did you handle it?
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