Family relationships are complicated. When you add grandkids to the mix, things can get even trickier. Many grandparents want to help, but sometimes their actions create tension with their adult children. These issues often go unspoken, but they can build up over time. If you’re a grandparent, or you have parents who are now grandparents, it’s worth paying attention. Understanding which grandparent habits cause resentment can help everyone get along better.
Here are seven grandparent habits that adult children secretly resent—and what you can do about them.
1. Ignoring Parenting Rules
One of the most common grandparent habits that causes problems is ignoring the parents’ rules. Maybe you let the kids stay up late, eat extra sweets, or skip chores. It might seem harmless, but it can make parents feel disrespected. They set rules for a reason, and when you break them, it sends a message that their choices don’t matter.
If you disagree with a rule, talk about it privately. Don’t undermine your adult children in front of the grandkids. Respecting their boundaries shows you trust their parenting, even if you would do things differently.
2. Giving Unsolicited Advice
You’ve raised kids before, so you have experience. But offering advice when it’s not asked for can feel like criticism. Adult children want to feel confident in their parenting. When you jump in with tips or corrections, it can make them feel judged or inadequate.
Instead, wait until you’re asked. If you see something that worries you, ask if they want your opinion. Sometimes, just listening is more helpful than giving advice. This habit is hard to break, but it’s one of the most important grandparent habits for maintaining peace.
3. Oversharing on Social Media
Posting photos and stories about your grandkids online might seem innocent. But many parents have strong feelings about privacy. They may not want their children’s faces or names shared publicly. Oversharing can lead to arguments and hurt feelings.
Before you post, ask for permission. Respect their wishes, even if you don’t understand them. This small step can prevent a lot of resentment and shows you care about their concerns.
4. Playing Favorites
Kids notice when grandparents treat siblings or cousins differently. So do parents. Favoritism can cause jealousy and tension, not just among the kids but between adults too. Sometimes, it’s unintentional—a closer bond with one child, or more time spent with a grandchild who lives nearby.
Be aware of how you divide your attention and gifts. Try to keep things fair. If you have a special relationship with one grandchild, make an effort to connect with the others too. This is one of those grandparent habits that can quietly damage family relationships if left unchecked.
5. Undermining Discipline
It’s tempting to be the “fun” grandparent who lets things slide. But if you step in when a parent is disciplining their child, it can cause real problems. Saying things like, “Oh, let them be,” or “It’s not a big deal,” can make parents feel unsupported.
Support your adult children’s discipline choices, even if you don’t agree. If you have concerns, talk about them later, away from the kids. Consistency helps children feel secure, and it helps parents feel respected.
6. Guilt-Tripping for More Time
Many grandparents want to see their grandkids more often. But using guilt comments like “You never visit anymore,” or “I guess you’re too busy for family,” can backfire. Adult children may feel pressured or resentful, and it can make visits feel like an obligation instead of a joy.
Instead, express your feelings honestly but without guilt. Say, “I miss you and would love to see you more,” and leave it at that. Respect their schedules and other commitments. Healthy relationships are built on understanding, not pressure.
7. Giving Too Many Gifts
It’s fun to spoil grandkids, but too many gifts can cause problems. Parents may worry about clutter, spoiled behavior, or gifts that go against their values. Sometimes, expensive presents can even make parents feel uncomfortable or unable to keep up.
Ask before buying big or frequent gifts. Focus on experiences or time together instead of things. This habit is easy to overlook, but it’s one of the grandparent habits that can create lasting tension if not handled carefully.
Building Stronger Family Connections
Grandparent habits can shape family relationships for years. The habits mentioned above often stem from a place of love, but they can still cause resentment if left unaddressed. The key is communication. Talk openly about expectations and boundaries. Listen to your adult children’s concerns and be willing to make adjustments. Small changes can make a big difference in how everyone feels.
What grandparent habits have you noticed in your family? Share your thoughts or stories in the comments below.
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