Human beings aren’t static: they change over time, whether for better or for worse. That, in turn, means that their relationships also shift, either getting stronger or—quite the opposite—weaker. Unfortunately, some of them break and fall apart, seemingly beyond repair.
Redditor u/Dismal_Option1974 sparked an interesting discussion online after asking everyone about the reasons why their friendships with their BFFs fell apart. We’ve collected some of the most honest and interesting stories to share with you. Scroll down for a reminder that true friends celebrate your wins, support you when you need it, and stick together through thick and thin, not just when things are convenient.
#1
He was only a friend when he didn't have a girlfriend.
Image credits: JimmyAintSure4646
#2
My mom was weeks away from dying and my family was falling apart at the seams. Brother relapsed and almost burned my mom’s house down, our dad was setting in motion what would end up becoming a horrific betrayal. I noticed she had been acting distant and weird so I asked her what was up and she said “well you haven’t really asked about me lately. I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you asked.” When she did pass, I got a text 6 days later saying “I’m sorry about your mom. Hugs.”
This was my best friend of 20 years. Someone I answered the phone for any time of night, poured so much emotional labor into, traveled every year to see when she lived out of state. I learned that death will often bring a ripple of secondary losses- she was one of those losses and I’m still processing it.
Image credits: cakelift
#3
Last 5 years, has gone completely right wing and conspiracy theorist (anti-vaxx, flat earth, celebs eating babies. He and family moved to Florida so they could be around similiar people.
Was pretty smart guy, owned his own business. Scared off all his high paying clients with his garbage.
I finally had to cut he and his wife loose, blocked them from all my social media accounts, deleted and blocked from phones, etc. I am done.
Image credits: anon
True friendship is reciprocal. Your real friends respect you and your boundaries just like you respect theirs. They help you out instead of always asking for favors while avoiding doing anything for you in return. They have your back when you need it, while also being honest with you if you make mistakes instead of staying quiet. They’re vulnerable and authentic around you. And they proactively invest in your friendship instead of putting it on the back burner.
To put it simply, real friendship is about being partners and equals. Of course, the nature of your friendship will change over time. There are bound to be plenty of ups and downs in your relationship over the years. Anyone who’s had long-term friends knows this. These challenges can either strengthen your bond or prove to you that your friendship wasn’t all that you thought it was.
Whatever the case might be, it’s always a good thing to periodically reevaluate your relationships and reprioritize who you’d ideally like to spend more time with. Who lifts you up and energizes you after you meet up? On the flip side, who drains you and makes you feel more anxious and upset after you hang out? Spend more time with the former and less time with the latter.
#4
Introduced him to another friend and they became bestfriends and stopped inviting me out.
Image credits: h1jay
#5
I was friends with a woman for 12+ years. Once, when I was homeless, she loaned me $200. I paid monthly payments until it was paid off. She called me and said I was 46 cents short and to "pay up". I said I am paid up! She fought me over 46 cents (that I didn't owe) and I just stopped responding.
Image credits: Foundation-Bred
#6
He was an alcoholic and I wasn’t going down on that sinking ship.
Image credits: anon
According to ReachOut Australia, the “most important thing” when it comes to friendship is that your friends accept you for who you are. “A good friend walks the talk and shows that they care by their actions— big and small.”
Some signs indicating that you have a good friend by your side are that they don’t judge you or put you down, are kind, loyal, and respectful, and listen to you and comfort you when you need it. They’re also trustworthy and “willing to tell you the truth, even when it’s hard for you to hear.”
#7
I found out he got married by seeing it on facebook instead of him telling me. It made me realize I wasn't that important anymore, so I just stopped talking to him.
Image credits: kfenrir
#8
I couldn’t be myself around them anymore. Very dismissive about my feelings. Centered male attention too much. Immature.
Image credits: anon
#9
Former friend got slowly red-pilled during the pandemic. We used to be able to talk about just about anything pre-2020. After a while, former friend’s focus narrowed more and more to anti-vaxx issues, stolen elections, freedom of speech, ivermectin, etc. Even a simple low stakes hang would quickly devolve to former friend’s limited menu of unilateral conversation topics. Nothing was up for debate. Just former friend’s takes on these specific issues. It got old and boring and you can only do so much with a one-way street so I had to move on.
Image credits: atownsound
There is a huge difference between listening to someone and actively listening to them. In the latter case, you’re actually empathizing with them, looking at the situation from their perspective, and trying to put yourself in their shoes. A good way to tell if you’re genuinely connecting with your friend is to consider whether you’re simply waiting for your turn to speak during the conversation. Don’t make the discussion all about you.
Meanwhile, as awkward as it might be, if you’re worried about your friend, directly ask them what’s bothering them and what they need. Meanwhile, open up about your own feelings as well. It takes a bit of courage to be vulnerable, but it’s so important.
#10
He said none of my other friends even like you, and said he only invited me out because he felt sorry for me. Over losing a game of risk.
Image credits: Baculum7869
#11
She didn’t believe me when I told her I’d been assaulted. That was the beginning of the end.
Image credits: bewitchedfencer19
#12
We just grew apart. Got to point where we had nothing in common anymore.
Image credits: PatientNetwork2174
Have you ever had a friendship that you deeply cared about fall apart, dear Pandas? What happened? Were you eventually able to mend the friendship, or did you go down your separate paths? What do you think would need to happen for you to get back on the same page?
What, for you personally, are the most important signs of a great friend? What qualities do you value the most? We’d love to hear from you! Feel free to share your stories below, in the comments.
#13
I moved abroad for a year and changed as a person. Everyone else said it was for the best, I’m so much happier now than I was. She was the only person that said I changed for the worse.
Image credits: libeikka
#14
She sided with my manipulative ex boyfriend and moved him into her and her husbands home without ever saying anything to me.
Yep, that was enough.
Image credits: ktarzwell
#15
He lied about having an underage girl living with us.
We were 25 at the time and he said she was 20. One day she called the cops to the house because her mom/grandma wouldn't do something (can't remember exactly as this was 8 years ago) and while the cop was filling out the report she gave him her name (her real name, not the one he told us) and her age.
We got into an argument and they moved into a different apartment in a different town and we haven't spoken since.
Image credits: Griever2142
#16
Dude wouldn't accept that I refused to give into highschool norms. He went full into "be popular, fit in with the popular kids, your interests aren't cool and that's not OK," and I was like "I don't care about that, I have friends that like me for who I am and I'd rather be myself than fake," and that was not OK to him and I had to be corrected. It didn't help that he also didn't want me being friends with my current best friend (I could be saved but he couldn't and associating with him meant I wouldn't be accepted by the cool kids, or something like that). It got to a point where I was like "dude I don't want to be your friend anymore, get out of my life." He'd try to say "no I'm just trying to help you, don't throw our friendship and your future away over being a social outcast," and I'm like "no I want to be weird, this is who I am, I'm not ashamed of my interests and expression, and if you can't accept that then I don't want to talk to you." He kind of abandoned the entire friend group we were a part of since we all were "proud geeks," and I know the falling out with his other close friend was pretty bad (we commiserated about his foolishness towards us).
He eventually apologized and we're civil now (before it was "bad divorce" levels of tension), and I'm sure if we met each other at some reunion we'd be fine (I honestly had to dig into my memories to remember why we had a major falling out), but yeah the only thing that was socially hard about highschool was his nonsense (I actually won the most unforgettable popularity contest because people liked me so much).
Image credits: pokematic
#17
He stole $700 from me and lied about it.
Image credits: SirChancelot_0001
#18
Hung out with a dude all the time, and in a small, rural town, it was nice to meet a fellow alienated metal head. Over time, he became so fixated on a woman that it was simply unhealthy. Eventually, he summoned up the urge to ask her out, and they started dating.
As you can imagine, I got dropped like a bad habit as she nurtured his worst tendencies. Pretty soon, he was almost completely unrecognizable…he was a Trumper before Trump: a massive racist who just railed against anyone who wasn’t white. Then he started to drink a lot.
The irony is that they were together for about 5 years and then she dumped him. He now lives alone in a little shack out in a county and draws unemployment because he can’t drive from the large number of DUIs he earned. And, from what I can gather, he couldn’t keep a job for very long because pretty much anyone he talks to finds him abhorrent.
#19
He was, let's say, my second-best friend.
I found out he was violent with his wife, who was loved by all our circle of friends. We got to know in an awful way without him knowing we knew. A friend and I called the police on him and we waited not far, on the corner, in the dark.
All of his friends dropped him like the t**d he was.
His wife left him and I was so glad she did.
#20
She couldn’t be bothered to check in on me when she knew my mom was on hospice. She also didn’t bother going to the funeral. Her lack of actions ended it.
#21
Competing over a love interest. More than once.
Image credits: Wise-Start-9166
#22
She was the most moody person I had ever met. Literally had to watch every word and try to keep her happy or she would legit pout like a child. Also could never be wrong, or make a mistake; it was always someone else’s fault. We worked side by side and her attitude at work was awful too. No one liked her cause she was so rude to them and I got tired of defending her when she just disrespected me too and my experience there. All I ever tried to do was help, but after a while it’s exhausting to be talked to like s**t. She also was late every day, would miss weeks at a time and just generally didn’t care that we relied on her to do her job, or we had to do it ourselves. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, the complete and utter disrespect for anyone’s time or help.
Image credits: No_Surprise42069
#23
He said he would look after my cat for a week and stay at my house, he didn't and then my cat had stress peed everywhere and lost his voice from crying constantly. Took a year to get him to stop peeing everywhere.
#24
They were resentful and angry when I was happy or succeeding.
Image credits: HoneyBunYumYum
#25
I kept growing. She didn’t and really wanted the world to feel sorry for her. After dragging her along and helping her with every self-made crisis for 20 years, I let go.
Image credits: ZollieJones
#26
Unfortunately i’ve got a few
Best friend 1 couldn’t handle me having a girlfriend and not being available 24/7 to pick him up when he gets drunk. He tried to sabotage my relationship several times, he told my gf I was a d**g a****t, he insinuated that I had lied to my gf about being sick and that I was out with someone else. That was it for me I ghosted him and haven’t spoken to him since.
Best friend 2 wasn’t a necessarily bad person, but he was selfish, always had to have his way, and he wasn’t very empathetic. The straw that broke the camels back for me was we went on a trip together. There were a bunch of little things that bothered me, but there were two events that really set me off. One day we were out in the desert and it was really really hot, and I pulled out a hand towel from the hotel we had stayed in, wet it with cold water, and then put it under my hat. My friend noticed and asked if I would let him use my towel to wipe down his sweaty body. I told him no , that was gross, and to just wipe down with paper towels in the bathroom. He asked again and I said no again, he waited for me to turn around and yanked it out and used it anyway. Next thing happened the very next day. We went on a big group hike and I wound up passing out at the top of the mountain and had to be brought down to the bottom. A friend I had made in the group practically ran down the mountain to check on me, and as the group arrived everyone came to ask how I was. When my friend arrived he just gave me a nod and went and sat down. That was it, after we got home I ghosted him too.
Best friend 3 was a good person inside, but just couldn’t stay away from d***s. He did so many d***s that honestly he should’ve died hundreds of times. Several times I helped him clean up, pushed him into going to college, and getting a job other than selling d***s. Nothing ever stuck. Eventually he wound up getting a girl pregnant and having a kid. He cleaned up for a few months, but then after the kid was born it all went to s**t. He hd given his baby momma my number and I was constantly getting calls from her saying he had said he was with me but he was actually out doing d***s. I talked to him several times and told him he couldn’t put me in that position because I didn’t want to lie. Nothing changed. Ghosting hat trick.
D**n I need to pick better friends.
Image credits: Lordsnow89
#27
She gossiped about and judged me and others - it became intolerable.
Image credits: Katmandu10
#28
She was constantly comparing our lives, was there for the lows but not the highs, didn’t want to do any of the things I wanted to do.. I’m glad we’re not friends anymore because phew.
Image credits: KneeGroundbreaking93
#29
After ten years of friendship I treasured with a delightful man my father's age, he made a sexual pass at me. It's just... d**n. He was the only lasting friendship I'd had in my entire life. Now all ten years of that is gone, because I can never know he wasn't looking at me that way from the start
Edit: since some troglodytes can somehow still read enough to whine about this, the pass was pulling me in for a hug and telling me he could feel my breasts against him :).
Image credits: LadyCordeliaStuart
#30
His life kept shrinking smaller and smaller and smaller to the point that all he ever did was drive the same route to work and back and then sit at home, smoking cigarettes and watching television. Since I don’t watch television or smoke cigarettes, it got to the point where we just sit there and have nothing to say. It was really sad.
Image credits: Mentalfloss1
#31
I thought a boy/girl bff thing would work and it did for 13 years until I came out as bi and in retaliation he SAd me.
#32
When her new husband decided to trash talk me to his friends on insta dm and he accidentally sent that dm to me. She didnt even acknowledge the incident and completely ignored it.
#33
He would invite me to his house and ignore me the entire time I was there. He also put his hands on me violently a couple times and attacked me w the neck of a Guitar Hero controller cuz I beat him in GH3 using an XBOX controller. We were 13.
He’s in the military now. Wish him the best but I’m definitely not ever talking to him again.
#34
We were kids (10 or so years old), but it was so important for him to make friends with the cool kids that he willingly signed up to be their jester/black sheep for 2 years until he was just "part of the group". I know his mum constantly pushed him to get into the rich cool kids group but d**n, watching him let them treat him like s**t nonstop just broke me. Enjoy your life Ethan, hope it was worth losing your integrity and self worth.
#35
We were in third grade and my mom took us to the Book Fair. My "bestie" stole an eraser and then slipped it into my pocket to frame me.
Image credits: mrsmunsonbarnes
#36
Right after my dad died, i needed some space. Im not one to lean on people when things get tough for me. She made me out to be the bad guy because I wasnt texting her back & giving her the attention she needed (i don’t rlly blame her, that’s just the kinda person she was) I didn’t completely ghost her & offered her responses along the lines of “i need space” and that was pretty much the end of it.
#37
Because she didn’t value herself. And projected her insecurities on me. And because of a boy, who was also my best friend. And now they are engaged 🤣.
#38
He never returned books or records. I would always have to remind him.
#39
She kept sending me TT videos. I don't use it and won't use it. I refuse. I don't want it on my phone. I told her this many times. I was nice about it, I was rude about it. I asked her nicely and also rudely not to send them to me. She'd say ok and understood. She got into it, to the point she'd start buying costumes for her skits. She started getting obsessed with how many views shed get. I'd say that's cool and support her in that way because I could tell it was important to her. But she started losing track of her motherly responsibilities to her two babies and her family seemed forgotten. She didn't respect the boundaries her husband asked for and what I told her. She'd go weeks without responding to my texts and then respond with a TT video.
#40
He joined the military, then within a few months he wifed up the first chick that paid him any attention. She didn't want him in contact with any of his friends, so we didn't talk for a while. Then he was deployed somewhere I don't remember for like 6 months or so and we started talking over PlayStation a lot during that time. He went back home and found out she had another guy move into his house, had packed up all his s**t and told him to leave.
And then about 2 months later he was engaged again. And same story, she didn't want him talking to his friends, blah blah blah. She also cheated on him, so he got divorced again. It was then that he finally realized he was jumping into marriages too quickly.
So he waited almost 6 whole months to get engaged again. We haven't talked in about 11 years. I just didn't have it in me to keep trying.
#41
F’ed around with my husband, would work me for information to then go back and tell him, and gaslit me about being paranoid. I got rid of him too. Life’s too short for that noise!!
#42
In a stupid argument over whether cops were primarily d***s (he’s not a cop); he told me we aren’t friends and to lose his number.
Friends for 30yrs. Haven’t spoken to him since, 5yrs later. See his mom in the neighborhood on occasion… she asked me to call him. “I don’t need his negative energy in my life.” And, she agreed with me.
#43
I was the only one who ever initiated contact, would always get left on read, got sick of it being one-sided.
#44
Realizing that they didn't really like me for me, they just liked what my friendship brought into their life (self esteem, favors, someone to keep them company). It was other friendships in my life that made me feel really seen and loved that opened my eyes to how shallow that friendship really was.
#45
Best friends since we were 3. I was always the protector, the responsible and stoic one. She took a lot, and didn’t give much in return. She was always boy crazy, and rarely ever thought twice about dropping plans and ignoring friends (not just me, but others too) if it meant she could spend time with her current love interest. When she got married it got even worse. One of the few times I needed her support and she couldn’t be bothered. I didn’t end the friendship per se, but I stopped reaching out. If 20+ years of friendship means so little that you can even send a text to ask how I am I’m not going to force it. It sucks.
#46
I caught him going behind my back to make a play for my girlfriend. Was really disappointed in him. Cut him loose and never looked back.
#47
She didn’t like that I dumped a potential new boyfriend for being a racist f**k right before Covid. Then she went for him. Then when she realized he was lame, she got pregnant with the help of a MAGA cult member. Still claims she’s an ally and an activist while doing nothing for any cause except long rants on FB against vaccines and religion.
Glad I got out of that one.
#48
She was my best friend in high school. We dated and then broke up but were still close friends, at least that's what I thought.
For many many years I would message her on her birthday and make small talk like ask how she's doing. She would give brief responses every time. This year, I was pretty forward and asked if she wanted to talk since it's been a while. She told me she was with her family. She never called me back.
I don't know if she's mad at me for something or maybe i was under the illusion that our friendship was better than it really was, but I got the hint and I've cut all contact with her. I've since deleted her number and cut off all ties from her on social media. I'm glad for our friendship but I'm not putting any more effort into something that she puts zero effort into.
#49
It was 1 sided. everytime I wanted to do something she would always say shes broke but as soon as another person comes into the mix shes all in. anytime i have a problem she brings it right back around to her.
#50
Money. Rented a house from him and he turned into the weirdest person. Blaming me for things that we both knew happened years before I got there. Super sad about it.
#51
I caught them gaslighting me about something incredibly stupid (we’d made plans for dinner at one place, when I was speaking to them about said plans they tried to gaslight me into believing we’d agreed on a different place). Catching them in it made me rethink a million other situations where I’d justified and explained away their s****y behaviour and I realised they weren’t a good friend and treated me badly/bullied me whenever they didn’t get what they wanted.
Image credits: anon
#52
I was sick of being the punching bag when she was having a hard time at home. And being called a bully when I stood up for myself.
#53
The way he treated every female other than man. I couldn't stand how he disrespected and used women and constantly cheated on his wife. I had enough and couldn't talk to him anymore.
#54
She did shady stuff . Last time was the icing on the cake lol I liked this boy and he liked me …. At this time we had (kik ) the app and she text our group chat telling us to guess who her bf was … it was my crush ! I said oh girl bye ✌🏾.
#55
She went into the hospital for a brain issue, and when she came back out she was no longer interested in being my friend. It was weird, but I didn't really miss her because she was kind of a b***h. Now that I think about it, I was relieved when she didn't want to hang out anymore.
Image credits: Xylorgos
#56
She drank the conspiracy koolaid from day 1 of the pandemic, and started attending daily protests of the lockdowns and mask requirements…..protests held right out front of the hospital turned covid assessment centre I worked at, pulling 12h days in full PPE swabbing presumptive new cases during the first wave. She was a BFF from preschool but there’s really no coming back from that.
#57
Me: it's been a while. want to go for a drink and catch up?
Him: incredibly long 4 paragraph message explaining that he no longer sees us as friends and I should move on
Me: I didn't know you felt that way, see tou around, I guess
That was last may.
#58
He kept making excuses not to want to hang out, play games, or even talk online. Stopped talking to him for a few years.
After over 2 years, he said he met someone on FB Dating for 6 months and was getting married. He asked if i wanted to be his best man and that i was his bestfriend still.
#59
Her dad was super racist, he made a racist comment to me (I was 14 at the time and he was like 50) and I told my friend about it and she said I was making a big deal out of it. Stopped talking to her then and there.
#60
Had a best friend in middle school who I had to stop being friends with, it was around halloween and our friend group was planning on meeting up and having a sleepover so we could tell each other scary stories and get in the holiday mood. we were at lunch discussing it and she suddenly speaks up announcing matter-of-factly that we were all going to go to hell because things like ghosts and monsters and such are against god and she couldn't associate with heathens going to hell. We all collectively stopped being friends with her at that point. We were a pretty inclusive group, but no one wanted to hang out with the strict religious girl who thought we were all morally corrupt for telling ghost stories on halloween. it was really strange though because she'd never overtly stated her beliefs or shown any signs of being strictly religious, it was really out of the blue.
#61
We had been besties since nursing school. We loved hanging out, brunch and that sort of thing. Problem was she was bipolar and she'd have rages...and would have delusions. She and I were sitting at an outdoor cafe waiting on our food and I picked up a newspaper to glance at it and she suddenly flew into a rage and said I was ignoring her. It got worse and worse. She started saying things to strangers. I left her there, called her later and told her never to call me again.
#62
I felt like I was holding her down. Her life is incredible and mine by comparison isn't. I'm happy for her and happy for her successes but felt like I was almost too toxic for her. I love her as a friend and believe she deserved better than me. I still believe that. I don't regret my decision, although I miss her terribly. It is for the best.
#63
She changed on me so we both just drifted away from eachother.
#64
I was always just slightly better at Call of Duty than he was, as stupid as that sounds.
I honestly *was not* trying to show off - I'm mid at best with occasional moments of greatness - but it just worked out that our skills were *almost* perfectly matched, but mine were a bit better. I'd always have a few more kills, fewer deaths, more money, more tags, more defends, more whatever the goal was, at the end of a match. It was weird, how close in skill we were but somehow I would always be ahead.
I thought it didn't matter because CoD is a team-based game; we were on the same team, so it's not like we were competing against each other, right? As long as *your team* wins, a victory is a victory, what your score is compared to your teammates is irrelevant. But he didn't see it that way, and no amount of praise or reassurance from me made any difference. He started making snide little comments about how I was a showoff, a glory-hound, a sweat, a try-hard, etc.
It finally came to the point that he was competing against *me*, rather than against the enemy team. He started deliberately throwing matches, or running away in fights with other players in DMZ, just to mess with me. If I warned him not to do something or go somewhere, he'd immediately do it. If I was down, he "couldn't get clear" to rez me, but he'd magically always manage to rez the toxic teammates who would immediately rob my backpack. He'd vanish when we were nut-to-butt about to push a player like 2 seconds ago, then I'd because I thought I had back up. I get that fights are chaotic and you can't always be there for your teammates, but this was waaaay too often to be accidental.
Then when I'd confront him, he'd play dumb and gaslight me: "Oh well I'm sorry I'm just not as good as you are, I guess I'm just a s**t player, it's just a game anyway and you need to chill out..." Blah blah blah.
Funny how when it was *him* being disrespected by random teammates, it was a huge deal and I had to always be on his side and not rez this person or not help that person because they stole a gun he wanted or raided his pack or whatever. But when it was *me* being bullied by poor sportsmanship or sexist comments, suddenly I was being petty and I just needed to let it go for the sake of the team.
*Don't hold grudges, we're a team, it's just a game, you're acting crazy, grow up.*
I still get salty thinking about it.
I'm on the spectrum, so it took a pathetically long time for me to realize that he was no longer even getting on to play CoD, he was getting on every night specifically to troll *me.* The game was *me.* I was his personal lolcow... But it finally got so ridiculously obvious what he was doing, that even I caught on. So I gave him what he wanted, and picked the huge fight he'd been trying to provoke for like 2 years at that point, and we didn't talk for over a year.
Then he came back and was like "I miss our friendship, we had good times, let's hang out..."
So I play a few rounds with him once every couple months. I keep him around because I definitely want to get some revenge on him at some point, but haven't really thought of a way yet (*I'm open to suggestions*).
I was really sad at first, because we had been genuine friends at one point. But more than anything now I just feel incredible relief that I can play my best without having to constantly worry about a bruising a man's fragile little ego.
#65
We were great for each other, but not so much for anybody around us, and certainly not for each other in the long term. I doubt I'll ever connect with a friend on that level ever again, but maybe that's for the best. Great times, but I can't go back.
#66
She married this mean, disrespectful, controlling d*******g and subsequently also started acting like a d*******g. Very quick end to that friendship….
#67
She got married, had a baby, and moved to a different country. We didn't end the friendship, but we are no longer involved in each other's lives. We haven't seen each other in 6 years.
#68
My friend in 10th grade pretty much ended our friendship when he found my booger stash. I had accumulated years of boogers on the back of my bed’s head board.
Never expected to use the plug that my bed covered. He brought his sega over, so we needed to shift the bed a bit to access it. As he went to plug it, I could see that his face change, but he didn’t say anything. I 100% knew what was back there and what he saw.
Rarely spoke to him after that although we graduated in the same year.
He moved out of state. Ended up playing Madden online about 14 years ago once. I finally beat him.
That was the final straw.
Image credits: PhatBitty862
