Giving birth is one of the most life-changing experiences a woman can go through. But it’s also incredibly tough—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
That’s why many partners choose to be by their side through it all. Still, for those who haven’t been in the delivery room yet, it’s hard to know what to expect. So they turned to Reddit, asking dads who’ve been there to share what it’s really like.
Below, you’ll find their raw, honest, and emotional stories, and if you’ve been through it too, feel free to share your own in the comments.
#1
My wife has the highest pain tolerance/threshold of anyone i have ever known, giving birth to. 10.2lb baby without epidural (the dude was late!), she seriously thought she would die giving birth, it was the most most scariest time of my life, so i cant begin to imagine how scared she was and the pain she was going through.
my point being: you are just a witness to how incredible your wife is.
also, listen to the hospital staff, they do this everyday.
Image credits: bretty666
#2
Take a good hard look at what your wife is going through. Whatever it is you need to go through with taking care of the baby is nothing (nothing) compared to what she did.
Image credits: Hatred_shapped
#3
Your woman is going to be 100% occupied with birth so be 100% occupied with your woman. No phone, video games, other b******t. You can endure those hours tending to her and being there for her and not having your needs or focus being upfront.
Image credits: adullploy
#4
If you are a guy that claims that seeing the birth of your child will make it so you "will never see a v****a the same way again", you need to grow the f**k up because you're too immature to be having s*x or children.
Image credits: TangoZulu
#5
My spouse had an emergency C section so I didn't get to see the actual normal birthing process.
What I did get was a wife who was scared to death so I held her hand and talked her through it in the OR. I had her blood and fluids spill out onto my $100 shoes and I got to see a very angry preemie who didn't look impressed at being born early.
I wouldn't change that memory for anything.
Image credits: MyLandIsMyLand89
#6
Be prepared for things to go to s**t. Birth is very complex and difficult for humans. Don't expect the worst, but be prepared for it.
Image credits: PepperoniPissa
#7
My wife wanted natural births, so our first two were at a birthing house with two midwives myself and MIL. The third kid was birthed at home by me (happened so fast midwife didn't make it until after the birth). It blows my mind how weak some guys are when it comes to birth, like wtf, your wife feels like she's fighting for her life to birth your child and you can't stomach being in the room to help? Get yourself together.... I helped coach my wife through all three births, (breathing exercises, making sure she is staying hydrated and snacking, getting her from the bed to the pool, or to the shower etc), and her and I have memories of each babies first cry's and skin to skin time together, we can look each other and remember each moment, good and bad, and those are memories we'll always have together.
Image credits: feelin_beachy
#8
Be there. Listen, support, do not try to fix anything. No one is there to take care of you, so bring your own stuff. Pillows blankets etc. Follow any order from the Dr. Even if it’s “grab a leg and hold it up”. Make zero sexual comments. None. No one wants to hear your s****y jokes right now.
Tidy yourself up for the pictures. You’ll be thankful later.
Image credits: BayouCitySaint
#9
If you're a "humor is your defense mechanism" type like myself.
Shut the hell up. I almost cracked my wife up during the C-section because the anesthesiologist and I were having a conversation about raccoons.
Image credits: Mycocrates
#10
Be positive and be supportive. Make sure you know what the mother wants in the very likely event you need to speak on her behalf or make a critical decision.
Image credits: Warm_Objective4162
#11
Pack a sandwich. This might sound callous but hear me out. You do not want to miss a second of what is going on. Labor can take hours. From the moment you start your journey to a moment you might have to yourself can be more than 24 hours. You walk away for even a moment and you might miss the whole thing. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. Trust me on this one.
Image credits: JediActorMuppet
#12
It’s the greatest thing ever. Tbh I don’t know what dad isn’t going into the birthing room. The best thing is you get to control who stays and who doesn’t (at least I did). I didn’t know my MIL was expecting to stay in the room and when she asked me if I needed her to I said no. She didn’t speak to me for 6 months, best gift ever!!!
Image credits: Hulkslam3
#13
My ex did a home birth twice, with a midwife present. I had the honor of being intimately involved in the process and I actually caught my daughters when they were born and I was the one to pass our children to their mother immediately after it happened.
It’s not pretty, but it is certainly intimate being that involved with the birth of your children. I’m so grateful to have been there for that event.
Even thinking about it now, 13 and 15 years later, it brings tears to my eyes.
Image credits: Few-Way6556
#14
Be mentally prepared to be amazed by the human body. She is giving up her beautiful body to carry on your legacy. Tell her how much you love her over and over.
Dont look at the cookie if you cant stomach the blood and liquids, afterbirth, mess. Former coworker thought he could handle it, looked down there, got dizzy, fell backwards, hit his head on the floor, had a grand mal seizure and was in the hospital a month longer than his wife, who had just given birth to their son. Wife was not happy.
Lastly, be ready to fall in love with a new little person that you helped create. That experience alone is extremely special. Make eye contact, make physical contact, make vocal contact. It’s a life changing experience. Enjoy life creation.
Image credits: wisstinks4
#15
It was wild. It was a 46 hour labour, her mom came in crying about not being invited and had to be evicted, I got to hold my wife's hand while a doctor went watch deep in her, and I was there when this screaming bundle of life I'd co- created was birthed into this world. I got to cut the cord. I got to be there while she got stitches, I got to hold her hand and help her to the bathroom.
It's dirty. It's gross. Some wild s**t happens. I was absolutely glad to be there every step of the way and I'd recommend it to any expecting father.
Image credits: anon
#16
A lot of respect for woman who give birth. Holy s**t dude. It's not a fun experience but worth it for men. You will never look at your woman again the same.
Image credits: gregwhale5
#17
Be ready for p**s, s**t, the water from the womb is hot and you will breath the steam from that, it has moments of high action on top of lots of waiting.
Most important, you’re partner will be very scared (and rightfully so) be brave for her. Don’t tell her not to be scared, or tell her anything, just be brave and calm *for* her
Oh! I also went to a rural hospital and the doctor had me help with simple s**t which honestly was super cool so if you have a doctor that brings it up, I say take that opportunity.
Image credits: anon
#18
A lot of waiting. Wear comfy clothes. Bring plenty of snacks/water. Bring a book or iPad. Buy the long (10ft) phone chargers. The bed/recliner is really uncomfortable so bring a pillow/blanket if you think you'll need it.
Be prepared to help mom as best and as often as you can. Get her water. Wipe her brow/face if she needs it. Hold her hand. Hold a leg when she goes to push.
Image credits: anon
#19
Have conversations with your spouse about what she wants to do. Some people have it video taped, some just want support, and some may not want you there because some people don't like to be seen in immense pain. This conversation should be slow, honest, and taken very seriously.
For me, I was a firm believer that in general the day/delivery is about her. She's going through the medical procedure and it's her body that's going through all sorts of changes in a short time. But, it immediately turns into an "us" moment the instant we turn into a family and hear those beautiful cries.
For us, on all 3, (solo, and twins), I was there with my wife. C-sections. I stayed behind "the wall" so I could look into my wife's face and support her. I trusted the medical staff to take care and show us the kids once delivered, but should anything go wrong, I wanted to be there for my spouse, and she agreed. No pictures in the room, it was for us and the kids. Pictures/video were before and after the procedure.
For the record, babies do not come out pink and beautiful. Go to the checkups and have the conversation with the Doc about what to expect.
Hold your partner's hand. Share the love and support for each other and see it in each other's eyes.
And have plenty of coffee at home.
Image credits: Metallic-Blue
#20
I'm so glad I didn't miss it. Was such an amazing experience.
Don't miss it just for fear of blood etc. It's your partner and your child be there for her, she will want support.
Image credits: StillSimple6
#21
If your wife, gf, spouse is having a C-section. Prepare yourself for the beautiful horror show that is C section birth
I remember looking at one of the docs like *bro is that her spleen in your hand??*.
Image credits: goated95
#22
My partner got induced that we had scheduled out about a month in advance. We did not tell our families which in retrospect was the best selfish decision we have made. I got home from work, we loaded the car and then went and had one last dinner together. It took about 30 hours from when we got to the hospital until things really started moving. As odd as it sounds we were able to spend a lot of intimate time together that alot of people don’t get.
Delivery was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed and the feeling seeing my daughter open her eyes for the first time is unexplainable. It was the most insane rush of love, excitement and fear. We got to spend the next several hours with just us and our daughter before we told our families and they came.
I recommend for everyone to at least talk about the idea of not having family at the hospital. It’s extremely selfish, but especially if it is your first child these are moments you will never get back and being able to enjoy it with just the two of us was very special. We spent the night with just the two of us and our newborn, no talking to people, sharing her, just us. Highly recommended.
#23
I was pretty old when my son was born and I was a combat medic in the army for a while before that. Basically, I knew it was going to be gross and I also knew it wasn't as gross as comedians make it sound. But at the end I didn't really see anything. I sat next to my wife, held her hand, encouraged her and just was there for her. The doctor and nurses did a pretty good job keeping things covered up and I didn't demand to watch. When my son came they asked if I wanted to cut the cord so I did. Then I went with the nurse who took my baby boy to be cleaned and whatnot and I just stood next to that table-lamp thing he was placed on while they did their thing to him before taking him to my wife. It really wasn't as big a deal as I thought. I think the biggest dilemma I faced was when the nurse took my son to another room and asked if I wanted to go with her or stay with my wife. I opted to stay with my wife. I sort of figured "I 'known her a lot longer so I guess this makes the most sense".
#24
You're there for her. It is not about you at this point.
You are there for her support. She may yell, she may swear, she may want to be held, she may not want to be touched. Doesn't matter. You are there for her.
I've got three kids, I was there for all of them, even holding a leg when needed. It is gross, it is amazing. It is wonderful.
Be there for her. Support her and then your child.
But be there for her.
Image credits: OrangeYouGladish
#25
I have three kids and I was there for all three. It makes me feel closer to them and I have a good relationship with my wife, their mom, because of it.
Be there. That's the only thing expecting fathers need to hear. "Be there.".
Image credits: anon
#26
I didn't even know not being in the delivery room was an option.
Time to be a man. Coach your girlfriend. She's going to be stressed and scared and in pain. Just keep repeating "good… good…. You're doing good… breath…" in a calm, soothing voice for as many hours or days it takes for baby to show up. That's all.
#27
Man up and do it. These men that freak out about it being gross or whatever are ridiculous. Your spouse is going through the craziest s**t you can't even fathom, be there for her. If you don't wanna look, don't look.
Image credits: imuniqueaf
#28
Stay focused on your wife and her needs, stay out of the way, and cut the cord when offered.
Image credits: anon
#29
Our first had the umbilical cord around his neck, and they figured it out by his heartrate going down when his mom pushed.
From one second to the next there were like three doctors, ten nurses and some random trainee in the room with us, being eerily calm but working furiously to get my little dude out.
10 minutes later, I was holding him in my arms, feeding him from a bottle (mom has a double mastectomy from breast cancer) as the crew was doing stiches on my SO.
He's 10 now, gaming on PC like his old man.
100% recommend. Would not have had it any other way.
And did it again three years later when my daughter was born.
Image credits: Shudnawz
#30
1) Watch, observe and confirm what you hear with all the medical staff: doctors, nurses and the machines and charts.
2) speak up if something doesn’t look right. Advocate for your wife and babies care. Do it in a polite and factual way “hey, the doctor at night told me that my wife was not supposed to have xyz anymore. Can you confirm if that’s still true?” Or “at her last birth the surgeon said to tell staff the next time she gives birth that this xyz complication happened because it’s most likely going to happen again” or whatever.
3) block and tackle - respect you wife’s wishes on who should be there and when and why. She might not want visitors right after. Make her wishes happen.
Image credits: Rumble73
#31
She didn’t want an epidural and didn’t get one.
After about 12 hours, I asked her why she was still doing this? Relax and get a nap because the next few days will be crazy.
She got the epidural and thanked me for it then and later.
Image credits: Freedom_fam
#32
Apparently, if you put in a minimal effort in supporting your wife and doing things she needs, you’ll do better than most dads. Both times, I did what I *thought* every husband would be doing. But the nurses told my wife I was doing a hell of a lot more than most people.
Also, no jokes about extra stitches or anything like that.
Image credits: UseDaSchwartz
#33
Super crazy s**t and mine was only 12 hours. Only thing to say, do not deny a pregnant woman that wants you there, no matter the situation. It’s beyond comprehension what the ladies go through to make people.
Other thing, write it all down within 48 hours. Everything you can remember. Otherwise it just disappears in the sleep deprivation insanity.
#34
I'm a physician so the mechanics of it were nothing new to me. What I was focused on was the million or so possible complications that could occur for my wife or the baby. That was the hardest aspect. I also kinda feel really bad that I saw all 3 of our children first despite her being the one to go through pregnancy and labor.
#35
It was awesome in the truly biblical sense of the word. You are witnessing new life - your child - being brought forth by the woman you love.
It's messy, noisy, and bloody, but it is real life creation. Do not miss it.
I have three kids and was there for all three births. There was nowhere else I would've wanted to be.
#36
I didn’t watch when my kid actually slid out but I did get a split second view of the aftermath and I’m glad I don’t remember it because it resembled a crime scene, but holding your first-born child immediately after it’s born is an experience with the purest feelings that will never be duplicated again in your life. It’s euphoric.
#37
He was born a month early. we went in at 3am and he was here at 5am. cutting the cord felt like scissoring through a sausage casing full of gravel. was a wild and very fast experience in my case.
#38
It was intense. At one point they inserted tongs to move my kid. I remember being looked at to see if I was freaking out, so I stayed calm and watched them work. I felt so bad for my wife screaming in pain.
#39
There is a lot of yelling and cussing. Mom gets a pass to say whatever she wants and that's ok. Mom loses her sense of humor. That's also ok. She won't be able to drink water. You are there to support her no matter what she says or does. It's painful and not fun. Stay up near her head. Let her squeeze your hand till your fingers fall off.
When you see your kid for the first time. Your brain will get chopped in half. Everything will change in an instant. You are now a DAD. Your life as it has been is over. Welcome to your new life.
#40
My wife was medically induced 3 weeks early and pushed him out after 4 total pushes. I barely had time to encourage her or process everything before I was given scissors to cut the umbilical cord.
There's no prep for it. Be there for your wife/gf. She's going to be in a ton of pain during the contractions and birth. She may say some mean things but it's not the time to let your feeling get hurt. Remember her body is going through hell and likely will tear her v****a while we just sit there waiting to meet our little ones.
#41
C-sections are f*****g insane things to see. The most distinct memory I have of it is thinking "Wow, so that's what the inside of my wife looks like" followed by "That...seems like way too much blood".
Everything was fine. It's all routine and they did a good job. My kid was okay despite the emergency c-section. But boy did it look like a nightmare in the moment.
All I can say to prepare anyone is just to do your best to show up and be present. Your partner will need you in that moment with them.
#42
I stayed above her waist, held her hand, and tried to be as supportive as possible. I was definitely curious, but too afraid to look, and couldn’t bring myself to cut the cord because I too worried it would hurt her or the baby. I’m glad I was there for both of them, but that’s all I could do.
#43
It's crazy. It's horrific, terrifying and exhausting (yes I'm allowed to say that, I'm not saying it's more exhausting than my wife pushing a human out of her, but being on your feet and trying to help keep her comfortable for what is a long, emotional rollercoaster is inherently exhausting). I would say it's worthwhile though. I didn't enjoy it, but I'll do it again as I was glad I was there for her for what was arguably the hardest and scariest moment of her life. They shouldn't be alone for that.
#44
We were in the delivery room for 27.5 hours.
Actually pushing for 6 hours.
It was long, tiring, challenging, and emotional.
Be there for the mother of your child.
My wife was in pain, miserable, uncomfortable, didn't want to hold my hand, she was pissed at the world. She wanted the baby out.
When the baby finally came out, and that rush of relief ran over my wife's entire body, the baby started to scream, doctors and nurses moving all in sync at a million miles a minute to clean up, move, monitor everything, I got to cut the cord and my wife held he baby for about a minute before they wrapped the baby up and said,
"Here, dad"
I looked down at my daughter, holding a baby for the first time, her eyes exploring my face, listening to my voice, blowing little bubbles, her tongue was moving around... Totally silent and content with the trauma of birth.. It was incredible, I'll never forget those first 5 or so minutes I got to spend with her while my wife was being sewn up.
After things calmed down after about 10 minutes, the baby was taken from me and given to my wife to learn how to breast feed.
I absolutely recommend being present. The first time I held my daughter is something I hope I never forget.
#45
She will p**s, s**t uncontrollably. If you hold her hand don't be surprised if you end up with bruises maybe a dislocadet finger or two. Oh and she will probably throw slurs at you.
But don't be discouraged its an experience of a lifetime and will mean a lot in your relationship in the long run.
I don't have an SO or a kid. These are my fathers experiences.
#46
I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. Stay up by her head, hold her hand, give her strength and support, talk to her to keep her focused.
Stop making this about you, you big pansy. She is about to go thru one of the most pivotal experiences of her life. Imagine what it would mean to her if her "man" (I use the term loosely considering your behavior) becomes a warrior for at least the length of the time she needs you to be while delivering your child.
#47
You were happy to be there for the conception, but you don't think you want to be there for the birth, because it's just not s**y?
My husband and I are a team. We made our baby together, we were together in labor, we parent together. If he decided not to show up for the most painful, scariest part of the process because he thought it was gross and unsexy? I may have filed for divorce. Not hyperbole.
#48
I felt like a bit of a fifth wheel. My wife, half an hour after basically s******g a ham, wanted to tidy up the room.
Darling, they do have people for that.
Image credits: knockatize
#49
Be sure to mention how much your back hurts to her, because you had to sleep on that little sofa. She'll appreciate that.
#50
Brain dump some of the visuals if bodily fluids make you squeamish. Remember the feelings.
#51
My poor husband has PTSD from me giving birth for months after, every time we talk about it his eyes would open really wide lol
He got a front row seat because the nurses pushed him back.
My husband advised "DON'T LOOK" 😂😂 I GUESS HE STILL HAS TRAUMA.
#52
It's very important to keep in mind that everything you know about childbirth from watching TV and movies is **WRONG**. Labor (often) lasts a long time, and can be very boring, until it isn't. The whole thing is not screaming and sweating and pushing like they show on TV. That happens, but it's only part of the process.
For my first, my wife was in labor for 17 hours, nothing much happened, then she had a c-section. Labor was boring - we played Scrabble. The c-section was surreal - I sat by her head and there was a curtain at her neck so I couldn't see anything unless I stood up. Even in a normal delivery, you can keep yourself at that side of things if it makes it easier on you.
However, this is important. If you love this girl, and intend to stay with her forever, and be a parent with her, you need to get a grip. Her body is going to change, and it is, frankly, going to be a a little gross. She is going to get fat and waddle and you will have to be her nurse sometime. The recovery from childbirth, plus the stress of having a newborn around, and lack of sleep, is going to k**l your s*x drive. You will think you will never have s*x again. But then you will. And it will be a little weird at first. And then you will get over it, and things will not go back to the way they were before, but they will get back to "normal", it's just that "normal" will be different than before.
#53
Yeah, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was stressful, yes, but it was good practice. I had to learn to be my wife's voice, work with the nurses, get to know the hospital, and help her out when she was desperate at points through the process. With one birth there was even a scary point where our son's heart rate was crashing on contractions, and we had to talk about the options together. All of that *was* hard for me, but would have been **way harder for her** if I wasn't there to help. And the rush of emotion when our babies came out, and we were all there together, a family for the first time? Indescribable.
#54
I was in the delivery room both times. My wife had C-Sections, so there was a handy screen between the messy parts and us.
She was terrified both times. She needed me there, and I'm happy I was able to be there.
#55
If you're not in there with her, are you going to send someone else (her mom?) in your place? Or are you going to make your girlfriend go through all that without any support? Be there for her, and be there when your son enters the world. If you miss that moment, you'll NEVER get it back, and you'll regret it forever. S*x drives will recover.
#56
I don't regret it all. I was there for her while she went through it, and that was the most important thing to me.
#57
I was in the delivery room, but stayed by my wife's head to support her pushing. I'm really squeamish so didn't want to look down there, though admittedly I took a couple of peeks. What I saw (which wasn't much) didn't affect my future thoughts of her v****a. I can't say it wasn't a messy process and there was poop, but to see my son appear in the world was awesome, in the true sense of the word.
#58
No regrets, but you will see things that cannot be unseen. You'll also learn why delivery rooms don't have carpet.
#59
Absolutely, wouldn't have missed it for anything. My wife had an emergency C-section after 10+ hrs of labor and failing to fully dilate. Saw some of my wife's innards, which was...interesting. My amygdala isn't easily bothered, so I didn't have an issue with any of the messes of childbirth. I just wanted to be present in the moment with my wife, who had the hard job, and meeting this new person that was going to change my world forever!
#60
It was a C-section both times, so we were in the surgery rather than hotel-like birthing room both times. They had a curtain across my wife's abdomen, and I was told to sit with her, so neither one of us could really see the actual birthing process until they brought us the baby each time.
#61
For me, it was great and don't regret it at all. We had a very easy vaginal delivery though. But I was very focused on the kid, not her; and to see him emerge was just beyond spectacular-magnificent-mindblowing-brilliant, I paid not much attention to anything else. To see him healthy and pissed off and desperate to see what my voice belonged to, was beyond the best thing - ever. EVER.
Pay no attention to the blood and vaj and whatever else... focus on the kid because it's practically a miracle occurring before your very eyes!!
Best of luck to you and yours.
#62
I haven't been through it yet, but no, you don't have to look down there if you don't want to.
You should be in there, she'll need your help. The doctor is going to be down there taking care of business, but you can stand anywhere you d**n well want to stand, and look at what you want to look at. You and your girlfriend are in charge in there.
They have youtube videos of the process, and what the v****a looks like during. You should look one up, I promise it's not as traumatic as your mind is making it seem. After all, vaginas were built to do this.
If you guys haven't done a birthing class, I'd recommend that too. You still have time to get one in. A doula is also a good idea if you feel like you're gonna need some support in there.
#63
The smell is the worst part. Wear a doctors mask and stay above the waist!
#64
No, for me I kind of got into a different zone. When I think of the days when my kids were born, I remember seeing their faces for the first time and getting them weighed and the excitement of that far more than the actual delivery.
I thought I was going to be more grossed out than I was.
#65
I stood at my wife's side facing her head. I didn't want to watch all the icky stuff either. Your wife will probably want you to look at her in the eyes anyway since nobody else in the room will. I didn't turn the other direction until the nurse said "Here's your son.". Then, I didn't look at the floor.
#66
Yes, I was. My wife had to have a cesarean, so I was there right next to her head as the operation was being performed. One distinct memory I have is when they pulled up my wife's skin to get the baby out, and my wife said, "I feel sick". And I told her they were getting the baby out. I did **not** tell her at that time what they were doing or what it looked like.
My reaction? Interest, relief that the baby's apgars were all 10s. And concern for my wife. Turned out she was not a good person to give morphine to. I had to bail vomit off her pillow with my bare hands to keep her from suffocating in the recovery room.
