Let’s face it: not everyone is the greatest chef or highly skilled at DIY. But there are some basic home tasks that you should know in order to survive as an adult, like boiling water for pasta, changing a lightbulb or washing the dishes.
When a man left for a business trip, he assumed his wife would be okay, especially since she’d lived alone before they got married. Imagine his surprise when she kept calling him for help with the simplest of things. At one point he snapped and accused her of weaponized incompetence. She hit back and told him that only women can use the term. Now, he’s wondering if he was wrong…
He thought his wife had things under control while he was away for work
Image credits: benzoix/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Only for her to constantly call him to handle basic life tasks from hundreds of kilometers away
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SharpenedGourd
“Weaponized incompetence isn’t a ‘husband-only’ problem”: a family lawyer weighs in
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)
“Weaponized incompetence involves strategically avoiding responsibility—by pretending to be incapable or inept at a task so that someone else helps, takes over, or stops delegating tasks to them,” explains the Psychology Today site. “In this way, the imbalance becomes entrenched over time.”
But despite all of the memes about husbands who refuse to pitch in, women can be just as guilty of weaponized incompetence as men. That’s the view of family law attorney Elise Buie.
“So often, I meet women who didn’t do so much as change a light bulb, tighten a loose screw, or unclog a sink while they were married, claiming they didn’t know how,” says the expert. “The truth is they were content not knowing.”
Buie adds that while weaponized incompetence occurs mostly at home, it can happen anywhere: school, work, while out with friends. The point is to recognize it when it happens, she says, then not repeatedly pick up the slack. The expert advises meeting weaponized incompetence with a phrase like, “Hey, I’m happy to show you how to do it.”
Buie also points out that when weaponized incompetence is at play, both parties pay the price, not just the person picking up the slack. Those engaging in the behavior might think they’re winning, but it can come back to bite them.
“For starters, they will pay with the quality of their relationship with the person they’re burdening,” explains Buie. “Over time, weaponized incompetence breeds resentment, if not contempt. If you’re the one playing dumb, it can be at the root of why you have tension in your relationship or lose it altogether.”
The divorce lawyer advises victims of weaponized incompetence to speak up and learn to say no. She says having a conversation about the treatment you’re receiving can be difficult at first, especially if you meet resistance. In this case, you’ll have to try, and try again.
“However, if a shift never comes, and you continue to find yourself subjected to weaponized incompetence, there’s nothing in your relationship with your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, or spouse that says you have to stay,” notes Buie.
“You always have the option to leave and find someone who will respect your boundaries and your desire to enjoy your free time, in essence, your life, too,” adds the expert.
“Using you as Google”: Many agreed that the wife was guilty of weaponized incompetence
Some felt the woman was merely missing her husband
