There's embarrassment, and then there's second-hand embarrassment. You know the kind. Someone else does something so cringe that you want to hide in a hole on their behalf. Meanwhile, they're confidently plodding along without a care.
Back in the day, our faux pas could be kept semi-private but thanks to the internet, it takes just a few moments a stranger to go viral in the most awkward and painful way possible. Social media is packed with people trying too hard to be funny, rich, romantic, inspirational or deep, and instead, ending up being the laughing stock of the streets.
There's an entire online community dedicated to sharing cringeworthy posts. And you'd better hope that you never get shamed on the IG page because it has no less than 1.5 million followers. Bored Panda has put together a list of some of the funniest posts from the Qringey account for you to scroll through when you need to feel better about your own mortifying moments. Don't forget to upvote the ones that made you laugh.
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If you've never had at least one mortifying moment of sheer embarrassment, who are you even? It happens to the best of us. Some just hide it better than others. But for many people, our cringeworthy moments stick with us long after the deed is done. If you've ever had a sudden memory about something stupid you did when you were a kid, you'll know what I mean.
The authors of That’s Cringe: The Neuroscience Behind Embarrassment define embarrassment as a self-conscious emotion experienced in short-lived situations. They say a moment of embarrassment can lead to awkward or humorous situations, but internally, a person may be judging themselves based on an awkward interaction.
"Humans are social beings, making them desire a sense of community," explains the Simply Neuroscience site. "In a community of people, people do not want to receive a negative evaluation from others." It adds that this negative evaluation can be “socially imposed” or "internally imposed."
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Getting embarrassed is a story, or feeling, as old as time. According to evolutionary psychologists, embarrassment served as a social corrective – "a way to acknowledge mistakes, signal remorse and reduce conflict within groups," explains Laura Ellen Pigott, Senior Lecturer in Neurosciences and Neurorehabilitation at London South Bank University.
The expert goes on to write that this instinct probably helped our ancestors stay in the group, which was critical for survival. "People who showed embarrassment were seen as more trustworthy and cooperative," Pigott adds.
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While many of us might think of embarrassment as a bad thing, Pigott says it can invite empathy and forgiveness, which helps to strengthen relationships. "It signals that we care what others think, promoting approachability and emotional closeness," she explains. "So, while it’s uncomfortable in the moment, embarrassment probably evolved to keep communities cohesive."
And on the topic of empathy, it'd be wrong not to mention second-hand embarrassment. That feeling we get when scrolling through the cringey posts on this list.
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Pigott explains it as embarrassment being contagious. "Most of us have cringed on someone else’s behalf," says the expert. "This shows how deeply tuned our social brains are. We empathise with others’ awkwardness, often rushing to reassure them."
This empathy, or second-hand embarrassment, can help preserve harmony and build connection with others, she adds.
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If you've ever embarrassed yourself so much that you wished you were someone else, you might be on the right track.
One study found that picturing yourself as an observer of the cringe moment, rather than a participant, may actually minimize distress. “It’s [about] detaching yourself from this embarrassing situation and realizing observers won’t judge you harshly,” explains Li Jiang, a researcher at Carnegie Mellon University’s Center for Behavioral and Decision Research, and one of the study's authors.
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According Jiang, the trick is to look at yourself as a truly anonymous observer — not from another person’s perspective. She explains that taking on the profile of a third-party observer is more powerful because it provides more distance from the situation.
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Some even believe that you can use embarrassment to your advantage. Jordan Harbinger, a Wall Street lawyer turned podcast interviewer, is one of them.
"We can either experience it by pushing past our comfort zones, taking on ambitious goals and challenges, and putting ourselves in a position to fail, sometimes publicly, sometimes painfully," Harbinger says. "Or we can stay within our comfort zones, protecting ourselves from the possibility of embarrassment — but instead feel embarrassed about our desire for safety over growth. Which, in my experience, is a more destructive and longer-lasting type of shame."
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Harbinger adds that embarrassment can push us to do better.
"Because anticipating your embarrassment in a future scenario — like an upcoming presentation or a bill that needs to be paid — can be a powerful motivator to do the work necessary to avoid an undesirable outcome," he explains.
Hopefully you'll never end up on an account like Qringey but even if you do, remember that embarrassment is not all bad. Even if it feels like the end of the world in that fleeting moment.
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