Why would anyone ever want to come to Liverpool?
There's plenty of incredible cities in the UK but why would Liverpool be the top of anyone's travel list? A city that revolutionised the music industry, has award-winning architecture and a thriving nightlife scene, it's obviously a city that should be avoided at all costs.
We couldn't possibly have that much to see, right? Surely, hundreds of thousands of tourists visit the city for no reason, year in year out, right? There's no decent art galleries, nor an abundance of enriching, enlightening museums, is there?
READ MORE: Stunning 'Harry Potter' walk Malham Cove to visit on a day out from Liverpool
Here's all the reasons why you should definitely avoid Liverpool.
1. Our parks aren't up to much
There's Sefton Park, Calderstones, Princes and Newsham parks but none of them really have that "wow" factor.
They're all clearly not worth seeking out.
2. The music scene is bang average
Who wants to go to a place that boasts music festivals in addition to new and upcoming bands, singers and performers on a regular basis? Liverpool is responsible for more number one hits than any other UK city and bands that have made major waves in the music industry, evidently there's nothing special about our music scene.
3. The people are too friendly
Why would you want help with directions and polite customer service? It's much better to spend your time being blanked and wandering through cities as though you're invisible, right?
4. There's too many beaches
The choice is exhausting, especially when they look like this...
5. The humour is relentless
Cracking boss jokes left, right and centre while being constantly sarcastic - Liverpool's famous sense of humour isn't for those who don't like a laugh.
6. The art work is sub-par
With galleries like the not-for-profit Open Eye Gallery, world-renowned Tate Liverpool and the Walker Art Gallery, not to mention a tonne of street art including the superlambanana, you'll obviously be bored in no time.
7. Football is life
Plenty of cities have a famous club with a devout following but Liverpool has two clubs with a global following. Is there a more important question than are you a red or a blue? The iconic clubs even influenced the colour of our wheelie bins.
8. The theatres
From historic venues like the Playhouse and the Empire to the Stirling prize-winning Everyman theatre, the theatres in the city are wide ranging enough to offer something for everyone but honestly, who wants that?
Why bother being entertained by talented performers in breath-taking buildings - after all, you can just tune into Netflix from the comfort of your couch.
9. Liverpool ONE
Liverpool ONE was completely redeveloped more than a decade ago to include a huge selection of shops, restaurants and leisure facilities that have seen the city become one of the top five most popular retail destinations in the UK. Pretty average, right?
10. The Cavern Club
The centre of the rock and roll scene in the 60s that regularly hosted The Beatles - nothing special about this place, obviously.
11. LIMF
An international music festival with superstar acts in a Grade 1 historic park. Snore.
12. Museums
The World Museum, International Slavery Museum and the Maritime Museum are just a few on offer in the city, so it's not the place to visit if you're after culture.
13. Food markets
The Baltic market and
Duke Street marketboth serve up a range of street food inspired by the whole world, but who wants the whole world when you could just get a Maccies?
14. The churches are pretty uninspired
To be recognised as a city, there's got to be a cathedral. Always one to go over the top, Liverpool has two massive cathedrals but they're nothing special...
Let's not forget the Bombed Out Church either, roofless but rich in history that now plays host to music festivals, weddings and even yoga classes. Yawn.
15. The docks are nothing to write home about
Steeped in history and the home of the largest single collection of Grade 1 listed buildings anywhere in the UK, not to mention housing plenty of hotels, shops, galleries and more, clearly the Royal Albert Dock is pretty unremarkable.
16. Da y tours
Beatles tours, film location tours, sight-seeing tours and more. If you're stuck for something to see, you'll be hard pushed to make a decision.
17. The architecture is pretty run-of-the-mill
From the Grade 1 listed Royal Liver Building to the more modern constructions, you'll likely strain your neck staring up at all the amazing architecture.
18. The River Mersey
At 70 miles long, the river was chosen as the location for Britain's largest deep water port back in 1717, but every city can say that, right?
19. The classes
Yoga, Krav Maga, baby ballet, art classes, theatre classes and more - if you want to learn something new, don't bother coming to Liverpool.
20. Foodies won't have much choice
In addition to all the standard food chains on offer, Liverpool actually has entire streets full of quirky cafés, bars and independents, like...
21. Bold Street
This popular street is constantly changing and offers tourists and locals world food along with unusual spots to grab some grub. It's not the only one though, there's also...
22. Lark Lane
An entire street full of independent cafés, bars, pubs and shops that'll make you feel like you're on holiday, but surely you'd rather feel like you're at work, instead. On a Monday. While it rains outside.
23. The Beatles attractions
There's The Beatles Story exhibition, the Cavern Club, plus tours that'll take you to the childhood homes of John and Paul to amuse fans of the band - apparently, they were kind of a big deal?
24. Vintage shopping and boutiques
If you're after something one of a kind, then Scouse vintage stores are the place to be. There's Red Brick Market playing host to a range of independents, while other indie stores offering an eclectic range of products.
25. Warehouses have been re-purposed into quirky event spaces
Instead of letting defunct warehouses become derelict, Liverpool has re-purposed many of them into event spaces.
Invisible Wind Factory and Camp and Furnace host huge events, DJ sets, film screenings and more, but who'd want to bother with something like that?
26. The views aren't all that
Fans of rooftop drinking are spoilt for choice with the huge array of rooftop bars and terraces on offer in the city.
Views of the Liver Building, the impressive skyline, Radio City Tower and even out to the River Mersey can be gazed at over a pint or a cocktail, but you can see that anywhere, eh?
27. The Bluecoat
A Grade 1 listed building slap bang in the city centre that offers year-round visual art, literature, music, dance and live art while also being the home to a range of independent retailers.
28. Proper pints
In addition to the buzzing nightlife, there's plenty of traditional pubs serving up real ale.
29. The Baltic Triangle
A thriving hub of indie businesses, bars and the home of plenty of creative events, so if you're after something unique and inspiring, this is the spot. If you're not, stay clear.
30. The famous Scouse humour on stage
There's plenty of comedy clubs across the city to entertain tourists and locals alike.
31. River cruises and bus tours
Who'd ever want to see the incredible sights on offer on a luxury cruiser or vibrant open-top bus?
32. St John's Beacon Viewing Gallery
Standing at 138 metres tall, Radio City Tower is the second tallest free-standing building in Liverpool. From this height, the views are pretty breath-taking.
33. Ghost walking tours a plenty
Journey through the city while hearing Liverpool's most famous ghost stories complete with theatrical guides - not for the easily spooked.
34. The library isn't anything special
Clearly...
35. Williamson Tunnels Heritage Centre
A collection of tunnels and chambers that were commissioned by 19th century industrialist Joseph Williamson allows visitors to uncover the hidden history lurking beneath the city.
36. It's no place for creatives
There's FACT, a leading visual arts organisation, fringe theatres and even creative office spaces so obviously it's not the place to be to develop your creative side.
37. Our Town Hall is pretty unmemorable
This historic building is described by National Heritage as 'one of the finest surviving 18th-century town halls' - not every city can say that.
38. The arenas don't have much to offer
World famous acts like the Rolling Stones, Elton John, Little Mix, Bon Jovi and more have taken to the stages at the M&S Bank Arena, Anfield Stadium and others. Eurovision is of course coming this spring too, but that's nothing worth mentioning, right?
39. Speke Hall
Get a taste of history at a Tudor manor house on the outskirts of the city.
40. Princes Road Synagogue
Another Grade 1 listed building with huge cultural significance, Princes Road Synagogue combines Gothic and Moorish architecture.
41. There's not much for the kids
From the Storybarn at Calderstones Park, to farms and activity parks like the Yellow Sub, there's obviously not much to keep the children entertained.
42. St John's Shopping Centre
Bargain hunters will be spoilt rotten in this shopping centre where you can get everything from a new set of house keys to designer shoes.
43. Who needs this many cinemas?
There's the Odeon, FACT, the Everyman cinema and the Showcase cinema with fully reclining seats to name a few, making the city a film lover's paradise. If that doesn't tickle your fancy, then it's best to avoid us altogether.
44. Metquarter Shopping Centre
Designer shops, jewellery, a spa, a cinema and even a food hall are just some of the things on offer in this swanky shopping centre.
45. You could get trapped...
60 minutes to escape a locked room by finding clues and solving puzzles with your mates, or else you'll be locked in forever. Well, not really. Breakout Liverpool is just one of plenty of unique activities to book in the city.
46. St George's Hall isn't up to much
A historical landmark in the centre of the city that's been featured in Hollywood films - best just give it a miss.
47. You can't do anything unusual with your mates...
There's Ghetto Golf and Junkyard Golf to choose from - two huge spaces to play mini-golf, each with its own theme.
Both provide an edgier way to have fun with your mates, as well as...
48. Indoor paintball
For the adventurous among you, there's even indoor paintball. It's fast-paced, it hurts and it's a lot of fun - but who wants that?
49. The people are too generous
If you go to a bar, Scousers will always be the first to offer to get a round in. The rounds will most definitely leave you with a sore head the next day.
50. It's a pretty standard night out
There's cocktail bars, gin gardens, clubs and quirky venues so anyone looking for an amazing night out best stay well clear.
51. The famous skyline
Iconic, dazzling and rich with history, why would anyone want to look at this?
Who are we kidding? Liverpool is completely amazing.
Get the top stories straight to your inbox by signing up to one of our free newsletters
READ NEXT:
- 20 amazing things you should be ashamed if you haven't done in Liverpool
- Best beaches to spot cute seals and their pups on a day out from Liverpool
- 30 fascinating places tucked away in Liverpool that you just need to visit
- Seaside resort that's a heartwarming trip down memory lane
- Eight fun places in Merseyside to enjoy a daytime date
