It would be deemed unprofessional for a therapist to cast judgment on a patient. After all, the job is all about accepting each person regardless of their situation and providing actionable solutions.
However, some cases are so unhinged that these mental health professionals couldn’t help but express silent disappointment. Many of these anecdotes involve parents and how they’ve manipulated their children or come into therapy with a “fix my kid” attitude. And these aren’t even the worst stories.
Hopefully, as you read through, you also gain more empathy and appreciation for what many therapists go through in their chosen profession.
#1
I feel like a lot of the comments saying that they NEVER judge their clients might be working in voluntary services or they’ve been very fortunate in their client base.
Judgement isn’t an inherently bad thing. It’s how we know that m*rdering people is wrong.
So when a convicted pedophile client told me, “nothing gets me going like a pair of little girl’s worn panties”, you better believe I judged the f**k out of him. I continued to work with him and I treated him with compassion and respect because he’s a human being worthy of both; I did my job because I’m a professional. But I can’t honestly say that I didn’t judge him. I judged that he should never be around children. I judged that he is not yet ready for change. I judged that his access to his own daughter should be closely supervised. That’s a lot of judgements.
Understanding your own inherent biases and how they influence your work is a very important part of training and practice.
Image credits: secondguard
#2
Okay, real therapist here. I got one.
Some of my clients are SHOCKINGLY BAD at giving themselves credit, holy s**t!! Like they might get a nearly straight A GPA in a brutal major while battling depression, or overcome years of phobia and get behind the wheel again, or write a literal novel, or raise a kid as a single parent with low income, or build new relationships after being burned, or cope with OCD well enough to hold down a job. And they'll talk about themselves as if everyone on earth is better than them, as if their accomplishments are worthless. And I know it's because of depression or anxiety or another condition, but I'm often stunned by how differently I see them compared to how they see themselves.
Image credits: anon
#3
I work at a residential group home. We had a kid who we had admitted about four months prior, when in a family session they mention they had parasites......I’m like what??? Mom goes “oh yeah our whole family has them, we don’t believe in getting rid of them since they’re part of our biological ecosystem” and I’m just dumbstruck.........we spent three weeks afterwards convincing this family it was an infectious disease concerns as other residents have fecal eating behaviors and various other unsanitary issues that could cause a unit spread. Three weeks of education, planning, and worse of all convincing this kid and mother that their IQ wouldn’t drop because they had agreed to irradiate the parasites!!! Lots of CBT work, but Jesus it took way longer than any of my team expected!
Image credits: anon
#4
I'm a dude. I was brutally r***d multiple times between the ages of 7 and 10. My one and only attempt at try to get help from a therapist was one of the most awful experiences of my life. I attempted to get help in my early 20s. Upon first going in I was asked what had happened to me, after explaining a basic outline of the abuse. I could already see that she was very dismissive and seemed not to really believe me. She then asked about my relationship status. At the time I was in a long term relationship with a woman who had 2 kids (boys). Upon finding this out she immediately demanded the names and address of my girlfriend, names of the kids and said she would be immediately getting in touch with social services to ensure that I wasn't abusing them... I can't put into words just how much that destroyed me mentally, that she could obviously see something in me that I couldn't see! That somehow she was certain that I would be an a****r! I started to cry... She told me to pull myself together. I also can't put into words the pathological visceral HATRED I have for p*****hiles and r*pists!! If I could get away with m*rdering them i would! I would NEVER NEVER EVER inflict the absolute nightmare I went through on any child.
I got up and left, i came very VERY close to the edge of s*****e that day. I also immediately ended the relationship because I couldn't deal with the thought that the kids might be at risk because of me. It's now 21 years later and I'm tearing up typing this. Because of that experience I have never sought therapist help again. I survive mentally, but its not good survival.
Edit :- Wow! Just wow! I am absolutely blown away by the Internet strangers who are sending love and care to me. I am currently alone, in the dark, in tears, reading all these replies. To answer a few questions. I'm in the UK. I heard she was fired a few years later after a patient of hers committed s*****e and mentioned her 'therapy' in the note he left. I am in a position where currently I'm in such a fragile (very heavily medicated) mental state that If I saw another therapist and got the same reaction that I know my mind would break and I'd take my own life. Every day is a struggle to find reasons to stay alive. I'm sure I have ptsd as I feel the need to be armed with a knife constantly (despite being a big dude, 6'4", 110kg) i sleep with a knife under my pillow. I often wake up screaming. I tend to be 'stand offish' with everyone, deliberately keeping people at a distance. I know I'm a broken person... I've even avoided relationships with women with kids because I don't want my broken mental state to somehow effect those kids in any way. I have attempted s*****e twice and both times I survived. I just want there to be a pill or operation where I could completely wipe out the past, even wipe me out, wake up and just have a new me, minus the depression, anxiety, fear, ptsd, crushing hatred of myself, it would be nice to wake up one day and actually be able to see some value in myself. I'd love to br married and be a dad but currently I'm in a state where I can't ever see or allow that to happen. I'm too scared that my mental state would f**k up my wife and kids lives. I can't allow that.
Image credits: Anon_777
#5
Can I answer from the other side? I had something close to a mental breakdown after a painful breakup. Started seeing a therapist. It was going more or less well. At one point I had a sort of revelation about all my b******t and about my own responsibility in the whole mess. So next session I'm actually thrilled to share this with the therapist, about how I finally see a bunch of my own problems in the way I interact with women, and which caused a relationship that wasn't really healthy from the get go. I'm halfway through trying to explain this and the therapist goes: "Oh, you know, women are weird". So that was that. I never went back, f**k that guy.
Image credits: Brad_Brace
#6
Lots of people discussing p********a as an example of the toughest stuff to not judge despite our training. I haven’t yet treated a p****hile thankfully. At least not an identified one.
I did run a men’s anger management group though, and some of those men had done some terrible things to women. Most of them I found ways to like and admire for their positive aspects, but there were two guys in that group I just could never find “unconditional positive regard” for. One guy basically never spoke in group. He would give one word answers and occasionally just discuss how unfair the “system” was to him. I worked really hard to open him up and find things to connect over but he never opened up to me or the group. He left the group after he strangled his girlfriend and went to jail. She survived thankfully.
The other left group early routinely, showed up late, participated minimally and similarly never wanted to open up honestly. He left early one group after we had discussed him staying to the end and threatened me when I told him he wasn’t going to get credit for attendance (something the court required). Oddly, I eventually moved into the apartment below him (completely without knowledge) and listened to him scream at his girlfriend and break s**t while I called the cops.
I judge these men. They’re s****y. Maybe they’re redeemable, but redemption requires self-exploration and they both refused to do so. It’s worth noting how differently I felt about them than so many others in the group; men I found ways to help and admire and respect even in spite of their awful behavior in the past.
Image credits: anon
#7
I was counseling a 13 year old girl for anxiety and she reported SA from her step dad. I called her mom and told her mother I needed to call child protective services. Turns out that CPS was already aware and the abuse was first report around the patients age 7. Mom was aware of the abuse and stayed with her husband anyway. It was a complicated situation, and it wasn’t. How could she not do more to protect her daughter?!sorry lady... I’m judging.
Image credits: hipopper
#8
It's not often I get to talk about my profession, but here goes: I was working at a d**g and alcohol rehabilitation center and had a client come in who was a self proclaimed "d**g lord". As we worked together, he told me about his history. Included in this history was how he got to where he was currently at.
During the conversation, this man admitted to selling his sister into s*x slavery, forcibly injecting her with several sedatives and narcotics, and having several people "teach her a lesson" (what this meant, he never shared). He told this story with a blank face, smiling only when he recalled the "good times", which he referred to as times when he had enough h****n to get through the day.
I'm not sure where he is at now, but this man inspired me to work with victims of s*x trafficking, because not only do they deal with the stigma of "selling their bodies", they often manage d**g addictions. People would honestly be floored of they realized how many people were addicted to chemicals that they were forcibly given.
Image credits: A_Bird_On_Speed
#9
When i was a teenager, i lived in a very emotionally and mentally a*****e household. I know people don't take that stuff seriously, but it was so bad that i was later diagnosed with PTSD from a psychiatrist.
Anywho, my a*****e parents and i got in a verbal fight in the car. My stepdad stopped the car and told me "get out we're leaving you on the highway". I wasn't scared because i knew i could just call the police, say i was an abandoned child, and theyd get in loads of trouble, so i said "sounds good" and got out. My mom then came out and started attacking me. I refused to get back in the car after the attack, so my stepdad got out, dragged me by the hair, called me a "bipolar b***h", and threw me in.
They made me see a therapist, they told her that i jumped out of a moving car and then i attacked my mom when she was trying to help. This therapist didn't believe anything i said and tried getting me to take bipolar meds. I knew i wasn't bipolar, i was being abused and i knew that the anger and sadness i felt was normal for my situation. She glared at me and said "you're not nearly as smart as you think you are". I refused to say a word in any of our therapy sessions after that, i would just go in, sit down, and she'd make snarky sarcastic remarks for a few minutes then dismiss me. She wasn't trying to help me, she was trying to help my parents.
I moved out when i was 18, went to college all on my own with no financial help from my family, got a job and left the country to be as far from them as possible. I'm on antidepressants for my PTSD and luckily the therapists ive had since my teenage years have been nothing like that horrible woman, but it still upsets me deeply thinking about it.
#10
Gentleman sat down for the initial consultation and said “I’ll get right to the point, Doc. I’ve been married five times. My question is, what does it take to find a decent woman?” No humor, no hint of irony. None.
Image credits: grudoc
#11
Patient side here. I had been seeing a therapist for a few months to help with chronic depression and self harm with some pretty intense s******l ideation. I had tried Suprax in the past, didnt like the side effects and put it down, but I was ready to try something new to supplement therapy. Everyone within earshot was calling Wellbutrin a miracle and life saver, so I figured I'd give it a shot.
Since my therapist couldn't prescribe d***s, I got an appointment with a psychiatrist. My first appointment, I explain what I've got going on, what I'm doing to work on it, and what I'm looking for in seeing him.
I do a pretty good job holding myself together in public. I dress myself, I hold down jobs, at that point I lived on my own (now living with my partner); all in all, I've got a well-polished mask. I guess it's too good, because pretty early in our session he looked at me and said, "I don't think you're depressed."
Bro. This is the first time we met, I've been here for 20 mins, and you're ready to reverse my diagnosis? Cool bro.
Image credits: daniedoo247
#12
Once had a patient whose wife shook their baby to death. He wanted help reconnecting with his wife.
At the time I was a young father of a newborn myself, and he triggered a lot of fear in me for my own child, a deep loathing of his spouse, and pity (the "how pathetic" kind) for the patient.
I tried for 3 sessions, met his spouse and everything before handing the case over to my supervisor (who knew about my initial reactions, and tried to help me through it).
Unfortunately, it ended up being more about my feelings than his, and I was new to the profession at the time. These things are expected to crop up from time to time, but I was still taken aback by my own reactions.
Image credits: PrimeGuard
#13
I work with youth and adolescents who have anxiety, trauma, and/or depression. Some of the kids I worked with had some pretty severe attachment issues. Regardless of this, I never thought I'd have to seriously explain:
1. "You can't just buy a straitjacket for your kid."
2. "Feeding your kid ultra Spicy Ramen each night instead of the meal everyone else is eating isn't specifically defined as abuse, but you have to understand the emotional abuse that this causes."
3. "Your kid isn't trying to k**l you because they stand in your doorway at night crying. Thats likely because they're scared of their traumatic nightmares, but feel like you will just yell at them if they wake you up."
Edit: removed a phrase
Edit2:
Thank you all for your questions and support. This case has really helped to shape my approach to therapy, and has highlighted the importance of healthy communication between parents and kids.
My number 1 tip: Don't let someone else tell you how you feel/think. If someone says, "You're angry with me!" Or something to that effect, ask yourself if you really are. If you're not actually angry, then don't spend a second more on it. A lot of kids/family members get hung up on trying to justify their own actions according to someone else's perception.
Edit 3: fixed straitjacket spelling. No its not a jacket for sexual orientations.
Image credits: Shozo_Nishi
#14
My mom was a psychologist, she past away and those 2 stories are decades old:
1 : After 2 years of sessions, one lady still felt she wasn't able to overcome her dogs ears failed surgery. (Your dog need to have certain specific traits to be able to do dog shows, hers had flappy ears when pointy ones were required).
There was obviously an underlying personnality problem, but even though the lady really wanted to pursue therapy further, she refused to work/talk or address anything else.
2: Parents of a "troubled" child, which turn out to be the problem themselves. Total refusal to do any kind of introspection, try to convince everybody (cps, police, psychologist, doctor) the kid was the problem, complain the kid was... A kid (a teenager a that point) by growing too fast and costing money to feed and clothe.
He had smashed their t.v. with an axe. Turns out they hadn't speak or pay any attention to him in several years and they spent 99% of their free time watching t.v. Kid had no other behavior problem, great in school, very calm. He just reach a point where he couldn't stand being ignore any longer so he had what she called a "Fried Green Tomatoes" moment.
Parents dismissed their responsability,only problem they saw was the wacked t.v. Kid got emancipated at 16 and moved to f*ck out of there.
She had a private practice and the only times she expressed any judgment was when someone seeked therapy but refused to do any work or partake in the process. Paying a therapist is not paying someone to agree with you. You need to show up, you need to -at least- try.
Image credits: sunforrest
#15
Not a judgment - you kind of train your brain not to judge, because you are seeking to understand and help. When you do those things, you can’t simultaneously judge. We could all use a little more of that in real life, I suppose.
I’ll share this though. I do feel concerned about this recent phenomenon of young people I worked with self-diagnosing, sharing, and identifying very closely with mental illness; as if the pendulum quickly swung from “never, ever share your feelings” to “OMG, you’re depressed? All of us are too!” Life’s challenges can be tough and they don’t need a scientific-sounding label to be valid and real. You are not your diagnosis. We can find validation and support in healthier ways.
Edit: thank you for the gold and awards! And thanks to everyone for some really nice discussion.
Image credits: anon
#16
My professor once shared what a patient said that made her quit her job: “I didn’t r**e my daughter, she liked it.” The daughter was _six_.
She couldn’t take it anymore. She worked in a rehabilitation centre for people who have been sentenced for serious crimes and were forced to get mental help. Really difficult job and this pushed her over the edge.
Image credits: CaptainCortes
#17
I joined in a review of a secluded patient and he threw a cup of wee and p*o in my face when we opened the door. I tried to be objective about his experience but I just thought... what a c**t.
I work in inpatient services so it can be hard to challenge myself at times - individuals with diagnosis of personality disorder, for example, can do things that in isolation make you think they’re just being bratty or manipulative, but to think of the experiences that shaped them to react like that in a given situation can help to clear my judgment and find compassion.
...harder when someone bites me or hits me with one of our fabulously detachable anti ligature curtain poles, though.
Image credits: Bob-omberman
#18
Two contexts come to mind. I often work with people in a*****e relationships and it is incredibly common for people to go back to their a*****e partners after leaving. Some studies show the average number of times someone goes back before leaving for good is 7 times. I know why people go back and I get that it's often a combination of manipulation, financial control, gaslighting, love, low self-esteem, fear, etc. But, man, it is hard to watch and appear neutral. I can say I am worried about their safety but I can't yell "for f**k's sake, stop going back!! What is it going to take?!" Like I want to.
The other situation isn't really judging the person it's more judging OCD. But OCD is weird. The infinitely weird ways it can show up are so funny and bizarre. Again, I would never judge a person for having the intrusive thoughts they have or doing the compulsions that are somehow linked in their mind to those obsessions, but I absolutely judge OCD and constantly marvel at how creative and weird the human brain can be.
Image credits: my_cats_reddit
#19
Not a therapist, a doctor. Had a patient apologise for crying during a consultation, saying 'I know I shouldn't be sad, I've got so many great things going for me'
Dude.
Three months ago you had to move back to your parents after an unexpected breakup.
Back to the environment which contributed to your official diagnosis.
The same place where your sister was living- before she died, one month after your return to that house, of the same diagnosis you have.
And because she died during a pandemic, not only could you not visit her in hospital before she died, you had difficulty organising her funeral.
In addition to all that he felt financially responsible for both his parents as they'd both lost their benefits- a loss which they couldn't appeal as their mental health was so poor the concept of fighting that decision was making them s******l.
I want to hug a lot of my patients, but this one made my heart ache.
#20
I’m not a therapist, but was a patient after my mom passed away and needed someone to help me sort out everything I was experiencing in the wake of her death.
We were discussing some major trauma (I was abandoned by both parents), as well as severe neglect/abuse at the hands of caregivers. At one point, I looked up and saw my therapist had put down her notepad/clipboard, and was staring at me, wide-eyed. I thought she was going to diagnose me or tell me I was crazy. There was this awkward silence and she said, “You need to realize how special you are. You did it. You could’ve been a statistic but you beat the odds. Do you mind if we dig back into your childhood? I want to see what you were thinking when all this was going on, because it might help me with other patients.”
So that was a remarkable moment for me. She told me that, not only was I normal, she found me to be exceptional. We worked together (CBT) for eight months on my triggers and attachment issues, and put me on a path to healing. I love her, she’s just an awesome person who found value in my damaged past, and in a way, allowed me to help others.
#21
Couples counseling; parents of a baby (4 or 5 months old). We are halfway in our session when I ask them about their baby.
Mom: she is in bed right now.
Me: ah, grandparents babysitting?
Dad: no, she is at home alone. Nothing can happen to her. We bought a special mattress, one where she (baby) cannot suffocate
Me: mouth open... staring at them for a couple of seconds. Then: how long did it take you to get here?
Mom: 15 mins or so.
Me: alright, the session is over. I want you guys to go home immediately and call me when you arrive. Please hurry. And Never ever leave your baby alone!
#22
I guess I do judge sometimes. But never the patients who have serious problems. I have the hardest time being a good therapist for those with issues like “I am so upset my husband only lets me have $10k a month for shopping,” or “my kid gets B grades and I’m so upset,” or “I feel so depressed because my favorite tv show is off the air.” I realize that this may actually be the worst thing they’ve experienced, and everyone who asks for help should get it... but yeah, I judge. And that’s not right. So now I work with Veterans as well as s*x offenders so that I can feel useful, and I never feel like I’m judging them. I feel like I’m serving my country and preventing horrific crimes. Now that I typed that out, I see I have some personal work to do on myself!
#23
When I was under age, I got caught with a drink on bourbon street and got a minor in possession.
I was telling my therapist about it, and said that the police caught me with a "hand grenade" in New Orleans. He didn't realize that a hand grenade was a type of drink, and it was funny to watch him try to process that his patient might have just casually told him that he had been caught with a fragmentation grenade. He took a big long pause, and said, "where did you even find a grenade?"
I realized the misunderstanding quickly and corrected him. But for a moment he definitely was thinking "holy s**t how do I deal with this?".
Image credits: BurnieTheBrony
#24
Clinical psychologist working primarily in forensics here. This means my clients are usually involves in legal proceedings (family court, juvenile court, criminal court, etc.) My job is usually to evaluate or provide treatment. I'm not there to judge, that's the judges job, but of course I have my thoughts.
I am usually impressed by the justifications people make for s****y behavior. The one that irks me the most is when parents manipulate their child against the other parent. I've had to do therapy for a 5yo who said she doesn't want to see a parent because they haven't paid child support. Excuse me? What 5yo knows, understand, or needs to be worried about child support.
Image credits: FriktionalTales
#25
I was once in my psychiatrists office—a bi monthly, 15 minutes med check. She asked me what was going on—more as conversation.
I told her that my in the last six weeks: my three elders (aunt and two uncles) I was guardian/conservator for had died—one right after the other.
My wife had a heart attack.
My daughter attempted s*****e.
And my mom broke her hip and had laid on her floor for a week before being found (she drank and ate from the dogs bowls).
I got that call within ten minutes of setting up the last funeral.
She stopped the meeting, got on the phone with a therapist in the office next to her and had her postpone her next meeting to speak with me.
I was so f****d up, I had no idea. I think she saved my life.
Image credits: Merlin560
#26
I do acute pediatric inpatient behavioral therapy.
Has never happened with a child, and never will
Parents on the other hand can be real pieces of s**t, and the way they treat/abuse their children then throw them off on us and scream “fix them”. I’m a big burly guy and I’ve cried many nights over this.
Image credits: hamsternuts69
#27
Well, I quit my last therapist because I made him cry uncontrollably. He tried not to, but he just couldn't hold it back. I felt guilty and won't see him anymore. I think he may have lost a child before. I described watching my aunt grieve over her son's body. I felt so much pain losing him, but was explaining how watching my aunt was dramatically worse. The details about her is what made him lose it. I could tell he was reliving something inside his own head.
Image credits: befuzzledbiochemnerd
#28
I work in mental health and have worked in acute and crisis settings for the majority of my career. The most notable event I experienced was when a young person had presented with significant ongoing s******l ideation who was dealing with a lot of s**t. I spent a lot of time with them mostly deescalation and working out what the plan should be moving forward.
One of their parents came in a little while later and I had the opportunity to speak to them about where their child was and what had been going on, with their consent of course. Midway through me trying to explain some of the psychological constructs and ways the parent could help they said to me, "is this going to take much longer I have a show to go and watch".
All I can say is, I never judge my patients, I have never walked their path or viewed the world through their eyes. But the people around them who perpetuate the suffering of the people I work with through ignorance, malice and selfishness, I judge them.
Edit and a shameless one. I've tried to reply to as much as I could, I've enjoyed some of what I would assume is trolling and talking about some other people's experiences as it's given me a chance to reflect on some of my own stuff. But I must go to bed.
I'd like to ask one thing of anyone who reads this, remember that you can help, even just by asking how someone is or wishing them well. People who you think may be struggling and even people who aren't. This year has been hard on us all, and I appreciate all of you who have said that those in care services have difficult jobs, but we have all struggled this year. Please be as kind as you can to each other and I hope we can all look forward to a good December and even better new year.
Edit 2. My use of the word 'judge' needs some clarification, I do judge in some ways, it's hard not to with what I see, who I work with and the situations they experience or have experienced. What I mean by not judging is that I do not allow my judgements to distort what I am seeing or how I am working. Which will normally be to the benefit of the patient and those around them trying to help them achieve their goals and meet their needs.
Final edit. I didn't think this post would get as big as it has. And I cannot respond to every comment individually by any means. I'm sure the post will be getting less attention moving forward but I just wanted to clarify some things.
This parent, who many people have made multiple assumptions about, was not trying to redirect, deflect or remove themselves from the situation by stating they had a show to watch. The show being something else people have assumed was a TV show. Remember I've made the comment above in the context of a situation that lasted around 5 to 6 hours for me, but took you a few minutes to read.
With everything that's going on right now I wanted to make this post to let people know, those working in mental health have heard a lot, we don't judge you for how or what you're feeling and we want to work with you to help you. I simply wanted to help in some way with a comment on the Internet that I wrote in one go about an experience I have had. I know that the response to this has been overwhelmingly positive but I would also like to say I did not mean to cause any offence or upset to anyone or claim that I am some sort of unachievable goal of non-judgement.
Anyway, I'm going to try and forget about this now.
Image credits: Tedkin
#29
I work with kiddos who have experienced some kind of abuse/trauma (90% of my clients have been SA'd). I have a lot of holy s**t moments but not from judgment of my clients but from what happened to them.
I’ve had clients whose father made them help him dismember mom’s body after dad m******d her in front of them. I’ve had clients under the age of 8 who have been s*x trafficked. I’ve had clients who have been forced to film t*****e p**n. I have holy s**t moments all the time.
Image credits: omglookawhale
#30
Actual therapist here - licensed clinical psychologist.
Much of my work with clients specifically focuses on how NOT to judge...our performance as employees, our value as parents or partners, and our own self-worth. Honestly, my holy s**t moments have more to do with how pervasive our tendency to judge is. No matter how accomplished or resilient someone is, s/he has the capacity to judge themselves harshly, and often do. The funny thing is, we often judge ourselves much more harshly than others. So I'm often amazed at how blind people can be to their achievements and strengths and how unkind they can be to themselves. My role in those scenarios is to help them seem themselves with compassion and to help them treat themselves as they would treat a loved one. It's a simple but not easy task, and I love every minute of it.
I doubt this response is what the OP was looking to hear, but that's what comes to mind. Judgements are simple things - labels of something (a person, an idea, an object) as good or bad. They are ubiquitous in everyday life. They are painfully easy to make, and the problem lies in that we believe them. Judgment are just thoughts, and like all thoughts, they're not necessarily true. Helping people spot their judgments and either challenge or let go of them is a lifelong skill to develop.
Image credits: MardukX
#31
Not a therapist but a patient. Me and my fiancé (at the time) went in to see if we could figure out how to make things work after he hit me. After our
R history came out and I divulged his infidelity etc the therapist basically said no. There’s no hope. You need to get help for yourself so you can get the courage to leave and end this. I was angry at the time but both therapists new there was no point as he was as screwed up as it gets.
#32
Opposite side, if that's accepted too?
I was assigned to see the lead psychologist of the local hospital as I was severely depressed and had become s******l.
She literally rolled her eyes at me, told me to grow up and said she could be having appointments with people who were actually about to k**l themselves, not me who was already working with the team.
This sent me absolutely spinning, bottling everything up, thinking I didn't deserve help and ended up in hospital 2 years later after an attempt.
When they looked at my records the hospital suddenly became very interested in any psychological experts I'd previously spoken to, informed them of the above incident, they asked if I knew the name and I said I didn't, but they had a strong accent, they immediately looked like they were about to burst out crying, apologised excessively then informed me they had been fired a year ago.
No idea how many people were affected by that therapist.
Image credits: RinkaNinjaGirl
#33
During my training I was asked how would you feel if a client were to come to you and admitted they were a p*do that was on the edge of committing seriously horrific acts? Could you see that person as another human being that needed help, or were your personal feelings about the abhorrent behaviour too strong?
This factor lead some people to not continue my course on to the next level, but it really illustrates the level of non judgement needed in this field. We all have our own personal feelings, of course, but these get talked about in supervision.
Edit: Wow thanks for the awards. I’m glad it’s raised an interesting topic for discussion, I’m enjoying reading them all, even if I don’t have the time to reply.
Personally, in this instance I remember the Gandhi quote “hate the sin, not the sinner”.
Image credits: Namelessbob123
#34
Here's my most recent one:
As the pandemic worsened here in the US and more lock downs are on their way, one of my most extroverted clients and I brainstormed ways to meet her social needs while remaining safe. The following week she canceled her session and told me that she's positive for COVID after attending an o**y, which definitely wasn't one of our ideas. I let out the deepest most defeated sigh after I hung up the phone.
Image credits: gyakutai
#35
I’m a psychotherapist on an adult inpatient unit, so things rarely phase me. I purposely do inpatient because the thought of seeing people for years at a time bores me. I’ve been kicked, spit on, seen a lot of n**e people, but I help pull people back from their darkest points. It’s pretty awesome. My theory is everyone has a story of how they got there. Even a pedophile.
That being said, I had a patient that was having consensual s*x with her uncle. Very wealthy, society type people. She went very in-depth about the relationship. That one weirded me out.
#36
Child therapist here.
I had a mother report that her child was having bathroom accidents suddenly, and at home only. He’s a 9 year old boy with no history of bathroom accidents or trauma in the past. Training tells us this could be a variety of things, such as abuse/neglect, anxiety, PTSD, etc.
Until I spoke with his in-home behavioral specialist (a clinician that helps behavioral/mental health issues inside the home to help create healthy family routines to cope). She called me and told me the real story.
The boy was becoming very angry and spiteful with his parents for making him go back to school after full COVID quarantine had been lifted. He went into their bathroom, took his mother’s robe, took a giant dump on it, and *hung it back up.* He also peed inside her dresser drawer.
I’m not going to lie, my jaw was dropped when I hung up the phone. I then laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my desk chair.
#37
Therapist here,
To piggy back on what others have said, it is highly unlikely for me to have moments where I judge my clients. It happens sometimes, but I’m able to shut down those thoughts quickly in my head and return to being present for the people I see. People are so incredibly complex that my judgment wouldn’t have any meaning anyway and it doesn’t have a place in our work together.
I will admit though, something that does get me feeling a little salty is when I have a client’s parent that attempts to sabotage the therapeutic relationship I have with their child, or pulling them out of therapy entirely when some of the things we talk about challenges some potentially unhealthy family dynamics. I don’t feel anger toward the parents, mostly I feel bad for the kid.
Edit: Wow. All I have to say is that I am incredibly humbled by all of you that have shared your stories. Even though these moments are so steeped in pain, what hits me is the incredible amount of strength present in spite of the upbringing and parents many of you have had.
Image credits: dirtyberti
#38
I work in healthcare and I've never heard a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist judge patients openly. Other nurses and doctors, on the other hand, holy s**t. At some of the clinics I've been in the conversations in the breakroom and at the nurse's station blew my mind.
#39
I saw a new therapist, that specializes in a*******n. So he knows how to read the patient, and we laughed about it, but I told him my typical alcohol intake/BAC, and he just went "holy s**t how are you not dead"? Results incoming, they're trying to not do a liver biopsy if not necessary cuz I guess that has some nasty side effects. But we had a good laugh about that, he looked at my charts and was like "dude you passed street tests at .42?". I don't know how I'm alive, not a proud time of my life.
#40
When you as a therapist get to that point, it's time to start thinking of referrals.
Be genuine with your client. And then refer out. You have to have unconditional positive regard or you'll never achieve therapeutic rapport.
I think for me, the one that comes to mind is a frequent caller to the s*****e hotlines. He'd call in and say he's not providing his phone number or name, he would just say that you had 10 seconds to convince him not to k**l himself over the phone, or he'd blow his brains out and it'd be your fault. Then he'd count down from 10 to 1 while you're on the phone talking. At one, he'd hang up.
I'm sure the whole point was to make me feel bad or prove some point, I don't know, I have insufficient information to make an assessment with just that. But I have to admit when I was trying to sleep on days he'd call, especially the first time, I was thinking, "f*****g a*****e better not be dead, f****r...".
Image credits: Suzina
#41
I now work in the jail and there are quite a few s*x offenders in my program. I struggle with the ones who honestly believe their victims (as young as 8) were in mutual loving relationships with them. Its super difficult at times not to just say “dude, WTF!”.
#42
The wife and I went through marriage counseling there for a bit. I told the counseling the wife always had a tone. The wife replies "I don't have a f*****g tone" the counseling looked at the wife and said "umm you kind of do lol"
Wife laughed it off and said ok maybe a little bit but d**n
A week later when the counselor and I had our one on one session she stated she wasn't suppose to judge but in that moment she could see way I said in a previous session the wife can sometimes come off as a royal b***h.
#43
I'm not a therapist, but similar scenario. I hung out with a friend back in June after not seeing her for about 8 months. She was arrested a few days prior for destroying her boyfriends stuff, she was was in an extremely toxic and a*****e relationship on both ends. Anyways I'm hanging out with her and she's quite different, she so paranoid and constantly taking pictures of people. She'd take a selfie and capture someone behind her and tried to be sneaky but it was obvious. Finally I just asked her what is going on and and after her hesitating saying i wouldn't believe her I assured her I would.. Well. She starts by saying how her boyfriend is the leader to an underground secret society, like the illuminati or some s**t. And he apparently is manufacturing some unknown d**g, that doesn't show up on any d**g tests, and is using it to r**e her and sell her body to random people. She said this is why she was taking pictures of everyone because she's convinced they know her and know her boyfriend and that they'll tell him they saw her with me.
I was pretty freaked out, and I honestly believe she had to be suffering some a psychotic break or possibly schizophrenia. The worst part of the story and what really made me say Holy S**t was her mum... so it turns out later that night she went to the er because she was s******l. I picked up her mum since she took the only car and we drove to the hospital but couldn't go in of course cause covid. We were able to call and verify she was there, and spoke with the nurse who was going to do her psych eval. She couldn't tell us anything but she did ask if we had any concerns or if she had a history of mental illness. Her mum said yes just s******l. She knows something else was going on with her daughter and she refused to believe it. I was honest with the nurse and told her what I wrote above... her mum absolutely flipped the f**k out on me and get this... accused me of ruining their vacation. Apparently they had aeroplane tickets for floida in three days and they ended up committing her to psych hospital. I couldn't believe the mum cared more about her holiday and money than the health and wellbeing of her daughter.
We haven't talked since this. But I hope she's doing better. I dont regret it, she can hate me all she want, but she was definitely in need of help.
#44
Obligatory not a therapist and this will probably get buried, but as a ya know MAN I really struggled with going to therapy. But it was the absolute low point in my life, and I have always dealt with depression but I can from the "just get through it mentality". Well, I was closer and closer to not getting through it.
I remember the first time I told my therapist that I was planning on killing myself. I expected the same reaction that men showing their emotions and vulnerabilities get. But she never did. Never even acted like it wasn't an option. She just talked me through it, never acting like my thoughts or feelings were invalid.
Sorry, not exactly the point of the question, but if fear of being judged or anything is holding you back from going, please go. It could save your life.
#45
Guy assaulted his wife and then told me he didn't and she was lying. However, he later told me that they were having relationship problems because he didn't feel that she should be able to refuse him s*x since they were married. I found out after the fact the wife had also reported to police he had s****************d her as well.
This was 5+ years ago in the south so sadly not uncommon, but it was his lack of remorse or any acknowledgement of wrongdoing and breezy way of bringing this up that was really upsetting.
#46
I started up with a new therapist many years ago.
I was in a really black hole, living on my own in a s****y little one bedroom apartment, drinking too much, missing my kids like crazy (they are grown and live in a different state). The lady had a lovely office and comfy chairs and I must have just felt so comfortable for the first time in a long time, I began pouring my heart out. After about 10 minutes I looked up and this lovely lady therapist was crying. I didn’t know what to do! She said she was missing her kids also and I guess I sparked something. We talked for a few minutes and I left no charge.
I hope she’s doing better now.
#47
Licensed art therapist here :) I think an important thing to note is that therapists are really taught how to approach therapy without judgement. We do have 2 important terms to be aware of which are: transference and countertransference. Transference (noun): the redirection of feelings about a specific person onto someone else (in therapy, this refers to a client's projection of their feelings about someone else onto their therapist). Countertransference (noun): the redirection of a therapist's feelings toward the client.
That being said, I’ve definitely felt strong and visceral countertransference towards clients before. I’ve had clients with very different political beliefs. I’ve had clients who believe the pandemic is a hoax. And I’ve had clients who have been abusers in their past. If I were having conversations with someone in passing (not as a therapist) about the “hoax” theory, would I pass judgement? Yes, probably. But it’s different when it’s in the therapy space.
But the most important thing to keep in mind as a therapist is that this person in front of you is human. And they are sitting with you in hopes of digging and working through their internal scaries. They are opening up, showing vulnerability, and letting you see into their mind and history.
#48
I've spent my fair share of time in the ward, but I'm no therapist. There's an understanding that we're all a little f****d up in there so we really try not to judge each other (Most of us, anyways.) but every once in a while you get those people who are just....a different level of crazy.
Now, I was on the ward for a s*****e attempt, and it wasn't exactly a secret, you can usually pick out within the first few minutes who's there for finding the end of their rope and who's there because it's better'n jail. But then there are the ones who are there because there is no safer place for them to be, and you're usually lucky to see them because they spend most of their time isolated and doped.
Well, I was lucky enough to meet one of them right before he got doped and isolated. He was such a nice guy that I assumed he was an attempter, like me. You tend to find a lot of the best qualities in people after they've tried to end their life. With this gentleman, that was very much the case; I saw the best in him. "Can I take your plate for you?" (We have to tell him no, you're not supposed to be anything except self-sufficient on the ward.)
"Can I do your laundry for you?"
"Can I wash these dishes before we send them back to the cafeteria?"
A lot of this was going on, and after 3 days of it, it was definitely becoming apparent that his typical concoction of meds had fully worn off and he was getting snippy about it. Well, my first experience with extreme bipolar disorder went a little like this:
"May I sit next to you? I'm a little tense and would love a conversation to get my mind off of it."
"Sure thing, B. I'm gonna finish this pudding and put a show on, what would you like to watch?"
"Oh, nothing. Hey have you ever tried to hurt yourself?"
"Yeah, I have, it's why I'm in here."
"Why didn't it work?"
"Well, I stopped myself and drove here after I caught a glimpse of what it would do to my dad if he found me."
"I see. Well, they won't let me have anything in my room but watch this." *He hands me the end of a long strand of toilet paper* "You hold that end and just watch."
Now as I'm holding it I already have this idea in my head that this guy is actively trying to hurt himself, so I'm a bit curious to see what he's doing, but I'm also a bit paranoid that he may have given up on hurting himself and is now targeting someone else. But as I sit there watching him twist this toilet paper and fold it in on itself, I recognize what he's created as the start of a noose and it dawns on me. *He's trying to teach me how to hang myself.*
I still think about that guy. I wonder what he's like day-to-day when he's "regular." All I ever saw was this overly exuberant bubbly personality which was tailored to make people think he wasn't as crazy as he really was. He hurt a couple of nurses that night and the day after his noose creation, he was isolated to his room for the remainder of my stay.
#49
Therapist here.
Honestly, I have never had a moment where I’ve internally criticized someone for their past. Not even the current decisions they are making. Therapy doesn’t work that way and I can’t do my job properly if I’m being full of myself and intentionally project.
That said, I *do* sometimes have reactions to people’s stories. And I suppose there is an argument for “that’s judging.” However, I’d disagree. The way OP phrased their question, I’m inclined to think they meant straight-up “geez, what’s wrong with you” kind of judgement.
But I can’t ignore my reactions to people. The whole “check your emotions at the door” s**t just doesn’t fly in therapy. If you EVER meet a therapist that tells you they can be completely objective, run. That’s just not how people work.
For example, am I supposed to suppress my pity when a girl comes into my office and tells me she isn’t sad when she tells me her mom died? What about when parents of a handicapped child are *relieved* when their kid dies? Am I “judging” them in the critical way? HELL NO! Do I reactively feel pity/sad? HELL YES.
What about when I feel frustrated because a guy I work with is SO CLOSE to understanding that his partner’s anxiety has little to do with him? Am I gonna get pissed at the guy? NO.
But part of RESPONSIBLE and competent therapy is that I acknowledge that part of me that instinctively reacts to others’ stories. If I just push it down, it will come up in other ways, and THEN it could damage the work I do.
As a therapist, I need to be mindful of how I’m reacting to what I’m working with. If necessary, I can consult with colleagues (in an ethical, confidential, de-identifying way, of course). Then, once I process any feelings I may have, I can go back to do what I do.
I love the process of change. And being honest with myself is definitely a challenge. But I would HATE to find myself critical of someone who is doing the best with what they have.
#50
One time I had a client bring Taco Bell into session.
