Tom Brady has retired. Again.
One year after leaving the game behind for all of 40 days, then returning to the field to lead the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to eight wins and an NFC South title (it was a rough division), the seven-time Super Bowl champion has announced he won’t return to the gridiron in 2023. This revelation cuts short what would have been an offseason filled with speculation regarding the 45-year-old free agent quarterback. Any hope of a return to the Bay Area, encore in New England or heel turn with the New York Jets has officially been squashed.
You know, assuming this retirement actually sticks.
Truly grateful on this day. Thank you 🙏🏻❤️ pic.twitter.com/j2s2sezvSS
— Tom Brady (@TomBrady) February 1, 2023
What’s next for the winningest player in NFL history? Given his past, there are five obvious answers that fit Tom Brady’s future.
1
Unretire (again)
Brady will be 46 years old in 2023. He has a clear disdain for taking hits — his league-low 2.9 percent sack rate wasn’t the function of a great offensive line but the fact he took less time to throw the ball than ever before.
Aversion to getting his old man body wrecked aside, Brady was still pretty solid as a quarterback. He had no problem leading the league in pass attempts with a career-high 733 thanks to a non-existent running game. His 90.7 passer rating was his worst as a Buccaneer, but only his third-worst mark of the past decade and propped up by mitigating factors like the aforementioned underwhelming blocking and limited ground attack.
If Brady wants to come back, he’ll have suitors. Former offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels needs a quarterback in Las Vegas. The team he grew up rooting for, the San Francisco 49ers, aren’t 100 percent solid behind center and could use a veteran capable of filling in that gap. The New York Jets could come calling if he wants to truly embrace his most Favre-ian instincts and turn on the Patriots (who also could use a QB).
He unretired last year, then came back for the first losing season of his career. Does he really want to go out like that?
2
Steal Greg Olsen's job as Fox's top color commentator
Brady signed a 10-year, $375 million contract to join Fox as the network’s top broadcaster. That’s $37.5 million per year — more than he’s ever made in a single season playing football — without having to get hit once. He’d likely displace former tight end Greg Olsen alongside Kevin Burkhardt as the network’s go-to analyst duo. That’d be a bummer, since Olsen is very good. Fortunately for Brady, the bar for former QBs in the booth has plummeted recently thanks to Tony Romo’s decision to replace insight with sound effects.
3
Go home and be a family man
Tom Brady informed Bucs today at 6 am he’d be retiring. One aspect I’d been mentioning for a bit now: Brady for months implied to many close to him that it was going to be either a return to Tampa or retirement. Tough for many to believe, including those close, but he meant it.
— Jeff Darlington (@JeffDarlington) February 1, 2023
Brady should not return to Tampa. All the problems that shackled him in 2022 will persist. The Buccaneers are currently $55.7 million over the 2023 salary cap and have middling draft assets. Even winning the wasteland of the NFC South is a tall task.
Thus, if the legendary quarterback is committed to sticking with him family, hanging around his mansion in Tampa through the winter seems like a solid alternative. Maybe do some fishing, catch a Lightning game, get real drunk at Gasparilla — you know, real Tampa stuff.
4
Shill for whatever ponzi scheme grips the nation next
Remember this?
Hoooo buddy, nothing in that commercial has aged well. Anyway, FTX is in shambles, its founder is awaiting trial and thousands, possibly millions, of people lost money thanks in part to Brady’s advice. I’m sure another grift will fill that void soon enough.
5
Capitalize on his star turns in 'Ted 2' and '80 for Brady' and go Hollywood
Yeah, we’ve already addressed the concern this could all be viral marketing for a movie that looks like it was displaced from a fake 30 Rock commercial. But people love Tommy cameos and the Screen Actor’s Guild has solid insurance, or so I hear. Acting would keep him in shape for a possible return to the field at age 50, so that’s an added bonus.
