Parenting is never easy, but managing a difficult child is certainly no cakewalk. Yet, being patient and in the right spirit can make this characteristic of your child a boon for you. Indian culture, the dynamics of the joint family, and societal pressure form a perfect triangle in influencing the style of parenting.
In this situation, where several parameters need to be considered at the same time, effective and smart strategies should be implemented by parents. Here are a few tips for parents that can help them handle tough situations with a stubborn child.
Understand the root cause of their stubbornness
Your child refuses to do their homework. Instead of forcing them, ask, “Are you feeling too tired after school?” By addressing their fatigue, you show empathy and create a space where they feel heard. This approach often diffuses the tension and makes them more willing to cooperate.
Children often exhibit stubborn behavior because they are trying to communicate something or assert their independence. Before reacting, take a step back and observe the situation. Are they tired, hungry, or feeling overwhelmed? In many households, children’s schedules are packed with school, tuition, and extracurricular activities. This can lead to stress, which might manifest as stubbornness.
Do not try to win the argument with them; choose your words wisely
Your child insists on wearing mismatched clothes to a family function. Instead of making it a power struggle, let them express their choice. Save your authority for critical matters, like ensuring they complete their schoolwork or follow house rules. Giving them some autonomy builds their confidence and reduces their need to resist.
Not every disagreement needs to end with you winning. Parents often feel the pressure to maintain authority at all times. However, it’s essential to differentiate between non-negotiable issues and minor ones where you can let the child have their way.
Talk to them respectfully and with love
Children in most homes are supposed to do what they are told without question. Although obedience is necessary, a child's opinions are valued over self-respect. Stubborn children tend to resist because they feel their opinions are not heard. Do not give orders but have a conversation with them and explain your reasoning.
If your child refuses to eat vegetables, instead of saying, “You have to eat this,” try explaining, “Vegetables will make you strong and help you grow taller.” You can also involve them in meal planning or cooking to give them a sense of ownership. When children feel respected, they are more likely to cooperate.
Stay calm and patient
Your child refuses to study despite multiple reminders. Instead of yelling, say calmly, “I understand you don’t want to study right now. Let’s set a timer for 15 minutes of play, and then we’ll start together.” This compromise not only reduces resistance but also teaches them the value of time management.
Children are quick to mirror the emotions of their parents. If you lose your temper, it can escalate their stubbornness. In the heat of the moment, take a deep breath and remind yourself that staying calm is more effective than shouting or punishing.
Praise, appreciate and applaud their achievements
Parenting often tends to focus on mistakes rather than celebrating successes. Stubborn children, in particular, respond better to praise and rewards than criticism. Acknowledge their efforts and good behavior to motivate them.
If your child finally agrees to complete their chores, instead of pointing out what they missed, praise their effort by saying, “Thank you for helping out. The house looks so much better because of you.” Small rewards, like extra playtime or a favorite snack, can also go a long way in reinforcing positive behavior.
