Since opening Winchester Golf Academy in 2015 I have been on a mission to get more women and girls into golf. Over the past decade, I’ve had the privilege of introducing hundreds of women to the game, taking them from complete beginners to accomplished club golfers.
Watching their confidence grow is one of the most rewarding parts of my job. But I’ve also noticed something else. Women are some of the most considerate playing partners you could wish for.
They encourage one another, celebrate each other's good shots and often think about the group before themselves. While those qualities are lovely, they can come at a cost. In trying to be courteous, many women unknowingly develop habits that hurt their own performance and in some cases even slow the game down. Here are 5 of the most common examples I see on the course.
Alison Root and Katie Dawkins showcase the latest women's fashion - layering, themes and budget comparisons
Rushing Because You Don’t Want To Hold Anyone Up
Rushing is by far one of the most common traits I see, especially with women newer to the game. It’s not that women don’t know how to play at a good pace, it’s that many seem to feel their own shot isn’t as important as everyone else’s.
They rush their shots to stay out of the way of 'real' golfers, cutting their routines short and losing focus. As a result, they end up hitting far worse shots than they are capable of.
The irony is that everyone in the group has an equal right to their turn. Your shot deserves the exact same time and attention as anyone else’s. Taking a few extra seconds to pick a target, settle in, and commit isn’t selfish, it’s respecting your own game. You are not an inconvenience, and your shot matters just as much as theirs.
I’m Just Happy To Be Here
It’s a phrase I hear all the time. “Don’t worry about me. I’m only here for fun. I don’t mind what I score.” Of course it’s lovely to be grateful to be healthy and out in the fresh air, but enjoying yourself and wanting to play well aren’t mutually exclusive.
As a coach, I’ve noticed many women almost apologise for being competitive, as though admitting they want to play well somehow makes them less friendly or less likeable. They’ll brush off a good score with, “I just got lucky” or “I probably won’t repeat that.” But there is a difference between being humble and making yourself smaller.
Sometimes I wonder if this goes beyond golf. Many women grow up being praised for being modest, considerate or not making a fuss. While those are wonderful qualities, they can also make it feel uncomfortable to openly celebrate success or embrace your competitive side.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to do well and setting goals, trying to progress is part of what makes golf fun. So the next time you catch yourself saying a phrase that diminishes your success or ambitions, remember there is nothing wrong with caring about your own score and you owe it to yourself to get out there and try your best.
Giving Too Many Putts Or Picking Up Too Quickly
Women’s golf is wonderfully social, and one of the ways we often show kindness is by conceding short putts. “That’s good” or “You’d never miss that,” are phrases heard on courses every day. While it keeps the game friendly and flowing it can rob you of valuable practice.
Trust me when I say those two and three foot putts are always the knee tremblers when they count. Every putt you hole is another opportunity to build confidence and trust in your putting. If you never finish them in casual rounds, don’t be surprised if you struggle when they really count.
Think of it like parking a car: you don’t become confident squeezing into tight spaces just because someone tells you that you can. If that were the case, my sister would be a parallel parking pro by now… but alas!
Confidence comes from doing - over and over again. So the next time someone offers to give you a putt, but you see a good chance to practice, speak up. Say, 'I’d love to have a go at this one.' Your future self will thank you.
The other side of the coin to this scenario is that in match play many women feel uncomfortable making an opponent hole a short putt. Conceding it can feel the kinder thing to do, but often kindness is confused with removing challenge.
Imagine a darts player telling their opponent they don’t need to throw the winning double because they’d probably get it anyway, it would be unthinkable! Golf is no different. Asking someone to hole out a testing putt isn’t mean, it’s respecting the integrity of the game.
If your opponent takes it badly because you’ve asked them to putt and they go on to miss it, you were right to ask! Now you have rattled them and are more likely to win, which is all part of the rich psychological tapestry of match play, ahhh how I love it!
Waiting Until It’s Your Turn Before Preparing
One of the biggest misconceptions is golfers thinking it’s polite to wait until it’s their turn to start preparing. They’ll stand watching everyone else, then only begin choosing a club, reading the putt or working out a yardage once all eyes are on them.
Ironically, what feels like good manners is often the opposite. It’s a sure fire way to slow down the pace of play and can leave everyone waiting while you decide what to do. It’s a bit like standing in a queue at a coffee shop, getting to the front and only then starting to read the menu, we all know how annoying that person is and we have all felt flustered when we’ve been that person!
Golf is no different. If you and your playing partners have agreed to play ready golf, being ready when it’s your turn is one of the most considerate things you can do. Good ready golf isn’t selfish or impolite, and it isn’t about hurrying, it’s about quietly preparing while others are playing, without distracting them. So when it comes to your turn, you’ve made your decisions and can simply step in and commit.
Apologising For Everything
When I played for the Cheshire Ladies county team there was one word that we all banned each other from saying: Sorry. Unless you’d genuinely done something wrong, it simply wasn’t allowed. Not because apologies weren’t important, but because we realised how often we were using the word when we hadn’t done anything wrong.
Now that I'm older, wiser and an experienced coach, I still notice how often women are prone to apologising on the golf course. “Sorry, I just need another look at this putt.” “Sorry, could you move your trolley?” “Sorry, I think I’m in your way?” “Sorry I’m playing terribly today.” “Sorry I’m holding everyone up.”
Before long, the apologies become so automatic that they stop being about what we’ve done and start becoming about who we are. It’s as though we are saying, “Sorry for taking up space. Sorry for taking my turn. Sorry for being here.”
Of course, there are times when an apology is the right thing to do, but as we identified as a county team, the word “sorry” can slip out all too easily. Every unnecessary apology sends a subtle message not just to the people around us, but most damagingly to ourselves, reinforcing the idea that preparing for our shot, making a mistake, or simply taking up space on the golf course is something that needs to be excused.
Over time, that mindset can chip away at our confidence and sense of belonging. But you do belong, you’ve paid your fees, you have your clubs, you follow the rules, so take up space, and play your game without apology!
When you look at these habits individually, they can seem like small acts of courtesy. But when you step back, a pattern begins to emerge. Many women are taught from a young age to be agreeable, not make a fuss and make life easier for those around them. While those qualities have their place, they can also lead us to prioritise everyone else’s enjoyment over our own.
On the golf course, that might mean rushing our shots, downplaying our ability, or apologising for the odd inevitable bad shot, which is part of golf. This is where people pleasing quietly creeps in.
There is a difference between being considerate and constantly putting yourself last. If everyone else’s enjoyment always comes before your own, sooner or later you become the least important person on the course and your performance will reflect that.
The message I try to instil in every woman I coach is this is your golf and it deserves the same time, attention and care as everyone else’s, be that out on the course, when having a lesson or asking for equipment advice. Your game matters, your enjoyment matters. Be courteous, but never at the expense of yourself. Take your time and compete without apology. Take your space and play the game as though you belong, because you do.
