Today's star intro comes courtesy of the Daily Mirror's reliably witless 3am Girls, whose copy continues to read like they won a competition to write the column for a day.
The latest triumph features a picture of Paris Hilton sporting a bruise on her chin - she had a fall, apparently - which Clemmie Moodie and Danielle Lawler gloss thusly:
"We've all wanted to see Paris Hilton get a smack in the face - now she's done it for us!"
Strong work, ladies - and so nuanced! Let's see much, much more of this as you continue to ... to find your way ...? Is that what you'd call this phase?
