On Wednesday, American rock band Fall Out Boy — “band” is used in the loosest sense — revealed that it recorded an update to Billy Joel’s classic song recapping history, “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”
And where Joel gave us a stirring lesson that is so hard to forget for all the best reasons, it seems that Fall Out Boy just Googled “important world events since 1989” and vomited out an ensuing song. “Song” is also utilized in the loosest sense. Really, bravo, gentlemen.
I cannot emphasize this enough: Do yourself a favor and do not listen to this. Read the lyrics, maybe, and just take our word for the sheer awfulness.
That said — because I’ve got nothing better to do than ask to listen to nails on a chalkboard in melodic form — I’d be remiss if I didn’t pick apart what events and people Fall Out Boy chose to highlight in its truly dreadful remix. While they do mention A LOT, there are some glaring oversights around the world and in the U.S. that are unthinkably glossed over.
Note: I am certainly not ranking anything here. Do not take any impressions from the order of this list. I, unlike our glorified “punk rock” friends, actually have good taste.
1
COVID-19 pandemic
The first global pandemic in a century not being mentioned is a massive oversight.
2
January 6th, 2021 insurrection
January 6th, 2021, was a boiling point of political tension in the U.S. and one of the first major attempts at rebellion stateside since the American Civil War.
3
2004 Indian Ocean tsunami
In 2004, a magnitude 9.1 earthquake triggered an Indian Ocean tsunami that devastated southeastern Asia. In total, an estimated 227,898 people in more than 14 countries died in one of the deadliest and largest natural disasters in recorded history.
4
Hurricane Katrina
In late August 2005, Hurricane Katrina decimated the Gulf Coast, particularly the city of New Orleans and the surrounding area. Its aftermath remains one of the costliest recovery efforts in U.S. history.
5
Bill Belichick, Tom Brady
Fall Out Boy’s members are clearly American sports fans, so… they didn’t mention the best coach and quarterback duo ever?
6
Abby Wambach, Mia Hamm
Once again, an American band that definitely likes sports forgot about the two central faces of arguably the most successful international American sports team ever. C’mon!
7
Jackie Joyner-Kersee
One of the best track and field athletes in American history, Joyner-Kersee should be getting her flowers in a song about modern history!
8
Lionel Messi
Look, no mention of athletes is serious if you aren’t including Messi — a giant among men. I would venture to guess an overwhelming majority of the world that watches sports knows who he is.
9
ChatGPT
We still don’t entirely know the effects of ChatGPT — an A.I. chatbot developed in late 2022. But, given some prognostications, it’s hard not to view it as a canary in the coal mine for a lot of creative work.
10
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok
MySpace gets mentioned and NOT the other dramatically more influential social media platforms that have turned our world into a virtual landscape? OK. Sure.
11
Super Mario
I know for a fact “Metroid” was a halfhearted throwaway for a rhyme if it’s getting priority over Mario — the most successful, most influential and most famous video game franchise. Ever. Bar None.
12
Grand Theft Auto
The only video game franchise that could possibly match Mario’s power is the Grand Theft Auto series, which, to date, has sold nearly 400 million copies across every edition.
13
Prestige TV
Unless I’m mistaken, there really isn’t a mention of highly produced programs like Breaking Bad or The Sopranos. Prestige TV, overall, seems to have been treated like an insignificant blip in culture.
14
The Lord of the Rings movies
The early 2000s saw the production of The Lord of the Rings film series, based on the famous J.R.R. Tolkien books of the same name. They are widely regarded as some of the best films ever made and won 17 of a possible 30 Academy Awards.
15
Steve Jobs
Where would our world be without the late Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple? For one, I struggle to imagine a reality without popular smartphones like the iPhone.
16
2008 Great Recession and housing crisis
A sharp economic decline near the end of the 2000s hit the world hard. Stateside, it led to a housing and job market crash that many people still haven’t recovered from to this day.
17
Greta Thunberg
If there’s a face of the ongoing fight against climate change and rapidly rising temperatures around the globe, it’s probably Swedish activist Greta Thunberg.
18
The fall of the Soviet Union in 1991
This was arguably the most significant geopolitical event in Europe since monarchies were a lot more prevalent. Its effects are still being felt across eastern European nations, and its influence prominently remains on international relations.
19
Panama Papers
In a shocking disclosure of financial information, all 11.5 million leaked documents from the Panama Papers revealed the extent to which various major world figures exploit offshore sites to avoid taxes.
20
The death of Princess Diana
In August 1997, Diana, Princess of Wales, died after taking on serious injuries from a car crash in Paris. Up to 2.5 billion watched her ensuing funeral as criticism of the paparazzi and the British Royal Family grew in the aftermath.
21
The 2020 Great Conjunction
Astronomical events don’t get much more awe-inspiring than when Jupiter and Saturn appear closest together in the night sky — a.k.a. a rare “Great Conjunction.” The one that occurred in late 2020 was the closest in over four centuries and the easiest to observe in almost 800 years.
