Each of us brings something special to our family. Maybe it’s The Guardian, always looking out for everyone’s well-being and making sure nobody feels left behind, or maybe it’s The Storyteller who preserves important memories and traditions.
Sadly, teenage Reddit user TheOriginalToaster became The Parentified Child. And she wasn’t asked to, either. The adults kind of decided for her that whenever they wanted to step away from their kids, she would be the one to fill in. However, on a recent vacation, the 17-year-old finally pushed back.
Family vacations can test you in ways you don’t even expect
Image credits: Zinkevych_D/Envato (not the actual photo)
But at some point, you have to draw the line
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
As her story went viral, the teen clarified a few important details
Image credits: TheOriginalToaster
Placing adult responsibilities on children can affect their well-being
Image credits: Prostock-studio/Envato (not the actual photo)
It’s perfectly fine to give children and teenagers chores, but teaching kids responsibility is one thing and making them caregivers is another.
According to psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW, girls who survive parentification often exhibit:
- Over-responsibility and self-reliance;
- Difficulty with vulnerability;
- Perfectionism;
- Difficulty setting boundaries;
- A need to help or even “fix” others;
- Earlier sexual behavior;
- Being told they seemed “very mature” for their age;
- Need for approval;
- Difficulties with trust;
- Guilt and resentment;
That being said, “It is important to understand that parentification is not always done purposefully,” Gillis explains. “It is often due to a lack of awareness of the behavior, and an absence of understanding of how this dynamic impacts the child.”
The author of the post did say that in her family, the older generation was also expected to babysit their siblings and cousins when they were younger.
“However, just because it was not done maliciously does not take away from the impacts this experience has on survivors of parentification,” Gillis adds.
What the adults could’ve done better was take a step back, listen, and understand that the teen’s perspective was different than theirs.
People supported the girl for prioritizing herself
