Blue Monday isn’t just a New Order synth-pop classic, a Fats Domino slow-rocker or a George Gershwin jazz opera (delete according to preferred musical genre). No, it’s also a pseudo-scientific annual event.
The third Monday of January is allegedly the saddest day of the year, due to a misery-making cocktail of cold weather, dark nights, post-Christmas comedown, broken New Year’s resolutions, unpaid bills and a long wait until payday. The dreaded day usually falls later in January but, due to a quirk of the calendar, the 2022 version has arrived mid-month. Lucky, lucky us.
Fear not, though. Here are 16 low-effort ways to ease the pain…
1. Have a drink
Let’s face it, if “Dry Jan” was a person, nobody would want to be mates with her. Even if you’re abstaining for the month, you’re likely to relapse sometime. Might as well make it today under the guise of “self-care”. Bottoms up.
2. Submit to Wordle
If you’re yet to succumb to the daily word puzzle craze, take the plunge now and join the two million eagerly playing the addictive free game by clicking here. But be warned: some are teeth-gnashingly tricky, others frustratingly elusive and the odd one uses pesky (ie wrong) American spellings.
3. Get set for birdspotting
The Big Garden Birdwatch takes place later this month and is a lovely way to appreciate your local wildlife. Sign up on the RSPB’s website to get your free kit and join in.
4. Host a “workplace event”
Invite friends around for a “business meeting” in the garden. Don’t forget to stock up on “office supplies” (wine, cheese and nibbles).
5. Watch Keeping Up With The Aristocrats
Tune into ITV at 9pm for new docuseries Keeping Up With The Aristocrats. Mercifully it’s a Kardashian-free zone, instead following four of Britain’s most prominent blue-blooded dynasties – the Mountbattens, Romanoffs, Sitwells and Fitzalan-Howards – over one summer social season. Loveably eccentric, enjoyably sweary.
6. Sleep through it
Treat yourself to a lie-in. Maybe an afternoon nap. An early night, too. Before you know it, it’ll be slightly-less-blue-Tuesday.
7. Swap January sales for Wassails
Before the introduction of the Gregorian calendar, the ancient midwinter ritual of wassailing used to be practised today, which is Old Twelfth Night. Traditional events are scheduled throughout the West Country but you can celebrate anywhere. Simply drink cider, light a fire, play folk music and bless an apple tree. Just your average Monday, then.
8. Take the dog for a long walk
If you don’t own a hound, offer to take someone else’s. Fresh air for you. Tail-wags and lolling tongue for your furry friend. Everyone’s a winner. Pro tip: take spare poo bags so you can gallantly rescue any fellow dogwalkers who forgot. Heroes don’t all wear capes. Some pick up poo instead.
9. Try tearless onions
“Sunions” go on-sale in Waitrose this week. If you still cry while chopping this special variety, cross-bred from less pungent strains, it really must be Blue Monday. Sob.
10. Soundtrack your lunch
Take a break from the news cycle’s doom and gloom. At noon, Radio 3’s Composer of the Week is Franz Liszt. Stay tuned for the Lunchtime Concert at 1pm, which sees soprano Sandrine Piau and pianist David Kadouch perform works by Schubert and Debussy. There, that’s better.
11. Write a thank you letter
You must have someone to thank for a Christmas gift or recent hospitality, so write them an old-fashioned note (remember them?). They’ll appreciate it. You’ll feel a wholesome glow.
12. Avoid the Ashes
It’s the penultimate day of the fifth and final Test of a thoroughly miserable series. Cricket fans have been rising early, eagerly flicking on the coverage, then getting that familiar sinking feeling at England’s latest collapse. Do yourself a favour and forget it today. Splattered stumps, jubilant Aussies and angry Aggers are no way to start the week. If, by some miracle, Joe Root’s rabble did perform respectably in Hobart, you can always watch the highlights on iPlayer from 5pm.
13. Do that chore you’ve been putting off
You know the one. That dreaded piece of admin or DIY that’s been haunting you. It’s bound to be less painful than you think. Gird your loins and get it done, if only for the euphoric feeling of relief afterwards. You’re free! Until you remember something else that needs doing.
14. Blame it on ‘Mercury being in retrograde’
Worth a go. If it doesn’t work, blame Mystic Meg.
15. Have a chippy tea
Batter your blues into submission, literally. Go on, when was the last time you had proper fish and chips? Preferably eaten straight from the wrapping with plenty of salt and vinegar. It’s the traditional British mood-booster. The comforting carby remedy for all ills.
16. Mock people who actually believe in Blue Monday
Well, honestly. Get a grip, snowflakes.
