Victoria Wood is without doubt one of the most loved and most popular people to come out of Bury and the Prestwich-born comedian will forever be immortalised with a statue in the centre of Bury.
Eventually becoming a BAFTA-winning TV star, it was her stand-up material that originally set her apart in the 1980s.
Her first solo stand-up show Lucky Bag originally had a five-week run at the King's Head Theatre in Islington. Due to its success, it transferred to the Ambassadors Theatre for a twelve night run in February 1984, and later went on a short UK tour. The rest is history.
To celebrate what would have been her 67th birthday, here are some of Victoria Wood's funniest one-liners:
- I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry.
- My children won’t even eat chips because some know-all b*****d at school told them a potato was a vegetable.
- In my day we didn’t have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
- I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don’t know who got my moped but I’ve been driving that Peugeot for years.
- My boyfriend had a sex manual but he was dyslexic. I was lying there and he was looking for my vinegar.
- Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television.
- Life’s not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.
- Sexual harassment at work - is it a problem for the self-employed?
- People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.
- Foreplay is like beefburgers – three minutes on each side."
- Our next doors had sex again last night. I mean, I like a joke but that's twice this month!"
- You can’t have a masseur called Harold. That’s like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.”
- Everybody in my class at school was enormous. They had to stop us doing cross country running because we dented a viaduct.
I’ve got a degree; does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I’ve also got a life-saving certificate, but I don’t spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.
When I told jokes about cystitis, people would write in and say, “I’ve got cystitis and it isn’t funny,” so I would reply, “Well, send it back and ask for one that is.”
