From a very young age, women are often socialized to be ‘nice.’ Specifically, we are taught to be accommodating, to put others first, and to shrink ourselves to make others comfortable. Consequently, ‘self-love’ can feel selfish or indulgent. However, it is not. In fact, self-love is the most critical survival skill a woman can possess. Additionally, it is the foundation for healthy boundaries, strong careers, and fulfilling relationships. The best time to plant this tree was 20 years ago. Fortunately, the second best time is now. Let’s build the traditions.
1. The “No” That Requires No Explanation
Women are taught to soften their rejection. For instance, we say, ‘I’m so sorry, I can’t, I have this other thing…’ You must stop this. Instead, start the tradition of the ‘clean no.‘ ‘No, I don’t have the bandwidth for that.’ ‘No, that doesn’t work for me.’ Ultimately, you do not owe anyone a detailed, 10-point excuse. Your ‘no’ is a complete sentence. This practice, therefore, reclaims your time and energy as your own.
2. Scheduling “Solo Dates”
Why wait for someone else to plan a perfect evening? Instead, start the tradition of dating yourself. For example, take yourself to a nice dinner. You could also buy a single ticket to a movie or a concert. Or, go to a museum. This is not about being lonely. Rather, it is about being comfortable and happy in your own company. Ultimately, it teaches you that you are a complete person, all by yourself.
3. The “Brag File”
Imposter syndrome is rampant. Luckily, the ‘brag file’ is the antidote. This is a digital folder or physical box. In it, you save every good thing. For example, save that nice email from your boss. You should also save the screenshot of a friend’s supportive text. Definitely save a test you aced. Then, when you feel like a failure, you must review this file. It is a data-driven reminder of your own competence and worth.
4. Setting Financial Boundaries (The “F*ck Off Fund”)
This is one of the most important self-love traditions. Specifically, a ‘F*ck Off Fund’ is a separate savings account. It is money that gives you the power to walk away. For instance, you can walk away from a toxic job, a bad apartment, or a dangerous relationship. Financial independence is, without a doubt, the ultimate form of self-love. It means, quite simply, you are never, ever trapped.
5. Curating Your Social Media Feed
What you consume, consumes you. Therefore, unfollow every account that makes you feel ‘less than.’ You must also unfollow the perfect-looking influencer. Additionally, mute the relative who posts political rants. Your feed should be a place of inspiration, education, and joy. This is not censorship. Instead, it is, simply, protecting your mental space as fiercely as you protect your home.
6. Mastering One Thing Just for You
Pick one skill or hobby that has zero to do with your job or family. For example, learn to play guitar. You might take up pottery. Or, get good at rock climbing. This activity should not be for a ‘side hustle.’ Crucially, it must not be for anyone else. It is purely for the joy of mastery and flow. Consequently, this builds a part of your identity that is untouchable and entirely yours.
7. The “Body Neutrality” Mirror Check
We are taught to either hate our bodies or, more recently, ‘love’ every part of them. Frankly, both can be exhausting. So, try body neutrality instead. This tradition involves looking in the mirror and appreciating your body for its function, not its form. For instance, ‘Thank you, legs, for carrying me.’ ‘Thank you, stomach, for digesting my food.’ Ultimately, this shifts the focus from appearance to appreciation.
8. Saying “Thank You” to Compliments
When someone compliments you, what is your first instinct? Many women deflect. For example, ‘Oh, this old thing? It was on sale.’ Stop this. Because when you deflect a compliment, you are rejecting a gift. The proper response is simple. First, look the person in the eye. Then, smile. Finally, say, ‘Thank you.’ That’s it. You are worthy of praise. So, practice accepting it.
9. The “Annual Failure” Goal
Perfectionism is a cage. Therefore, to break free, you must normalize failure. Set a goal to fail at something new every year. You should try something you know you will be bad at. This tradition teaches you that failure is not an identity. Instead, it is just an event. Moreover, it is a data point. This practice, ultimately, builds resilience and courage more than any success ever could.
10. Moving Your Body for Joy, Not Punishment
For too long, exercise has been framed as punishment for what you ate. So, reclaim it. Stop ‘working out’ and start ‘moving.’ Specifically, move your body in ways that feel good. This could be dancing in your kitchen, stretching, or walking in the park. This tradition, thankfully, disconnects movement from weight loss. Instead, it reconnects it with mental health and pure, simple joy.
11. Speaking Your Needs Clearly
Stop hinting. Ultimately, people cannot read your mind. ‘I wish someone would help with the dishes’ is a trap. In fact, it sets your partner up to fail. A self-loving woman, conversely, speaks her needs directly. For example, ‘I am tired. I need you to please do the dishes tonight.’ Clear communication is kindness. Furthermore, it respects you, and it respects the other person.
12. The “Unfollow/Mute” Tradition (In Real Life)
This is not just for social media. Indeed, you are allowed to ‘mute’ or ‘unfollow’ people in your real life. For instance, you do not have to attend every family event. You also do not have to answer every text from that draining friend. You can ‘unfollow’ by creating distance. Similarly, you can ‘mute’ by setting boundaries on your time. Always remember, protecting your peace is your number one job.
Self-Love Is a Practice, not a Destination
You will not wake up one day and be ‘cured’ of insecurity. After all, self-love is not a finish line. Instead, it is a series of small, daily choices. It is, in short, a collection of traditions. You must choose to honor yourself, especially on the days you don’t feel like it. These traditions are your scaffolding. Ultimately, they are the structure that will hold you up for the rest of your life.
What is one self-love tradition you wish you had started 10 years ago? Let’s inspire each other in the comments.
What to Read Next…
- 11 Self Love Practices Women Should Adopt Before 40
- 12 Self Love Habits That Strengthen Inner Confidence
- How to Stop Chasing and Start Attracting Using Self-Love
- 7 Self-Love Struggles You Don’t Realize You Have (And How to Fix Them)
- 8 Critical Love Lessons Your Mother Never Knew to Teach You
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