You are smart, diligent, and consistently deliver high-quality work. Yet, you still feel stuck. You watch as male colleagues with less experience get more recognition. Specifically, they get the promotions and the high-profile projects. Meanwhile, you are left wondering, “What am I doing wrong?” The answer may not be in your work; in reality, it might be in your habits.
The workplace is a complex social environment where perception often matters as much as performance. Because of this, subtle communication habits can unconsciously undermine your authority. Many women, for example, are socialized to be agreeable, accommodating, and non-threatening. While these traits are valuable, they can unfortunately be misinterpreted. Consequently, they can make you appear less confident. Let’s identify 11 common habits that might be holding you back.
1. Starting Sentences with a Disclaimer
“This might be a silly question, but…” “I’m not the expert here, but…” “I just think maybe…” These phrases are confidence killers. When you use them, you are apologizing for your idea before you even state it. You are essentially telling your audience that your contribution is not valuable. As a result, this habit makes you appear less confident.
Stop this immediately. Instead, state your idea clearly and directly. If you have a question, ask it. If you have an opinion, own it. “I have a question about the budget.” “My perspective on the timeline is different.” This shift is small, but its impact is huge because it projects authority.
2. Overusing “Sorry” in Daily Communication
Many women use “sorry” as a filler word: “Sorry to bother you…” “Sorry, do you have a second?” “Sorry, I have a question.” In effect, you are apologizing for doing your job. You are even apologizing for taking up space. This signals submission and makes you appear less confident than you are.
Therefore, save “sorry” for when you have made an actual mistake. For routine interactions, be direct. “Do you have a second?” “I have a question about the report.” You have a right to ask questions and a right to your colleague’s time. You do not need to apologize for it.
3. Ending Statements with Uptalk
Uptalk is the habit of raising your pitch at the end of a sentence, which makes a clear statement sound like a question. For example: “We should move forward with the new vendor?” or “My analysis shows the project is on track?” This rampant verbal tic signals uncertainty.
Ultimately, this habit makes you sound like you are seeking approval. It suggests you do not fully believe your own words. Practice delivering your statements with a downward inflection, which is called vocal “grounding.” Doing so conveys finality and authority, showing you are certain of your facts.
4. Using Minimizing Words Like “Just”
This habit is particularly common for women in emails. For instance: “I’m just checking in…” “I just wanted to ask…” “I just need a quick update…” The word “just” is a minimizer. It shrinks your request, makes it sound optional, and implies your need is not important.
Delete “just” from your vocabulary. Instead, be assertive. “I am checking on the status of the report.” “I need an update on the client.” Your requests are valid; consequently, they do not need to be softened. This change makes your written communication far more powerful.
5. Waiting to Be Asked to Speak
Imagine you are in a meeting and have a brilliant idea. You wait for a perfect, polite opening in the conversation, but that opening never comes. Meanwhile, your male colleagues interrupt each other. They jump in. You, however, remain silent, your valuable insight unshared.
To be heard, you must be more assertive. You do not have to be rude; however, you do have to be direct. Find a brief pause and speak clearly. For example, use phrases like, “To build on that point…” or “I have a different perspective.” Do not wait for an invitation. Invite yourself.
6. Deflecting or Minimizing Compliments
Someone praises your work: “That was an amazing presentation!” You immediately deflect with phrases like, “Oh, it was nothing,” “I just got lucky,” or “It was really a team effort.” When you do this, you are rejecting the compliment. Moreover, you are subtly telling them their judgment is wrong.
This habit makes you look like an impostor and suggests you do not deserve the success you earned. Learn to accept praise gracefully. A simple, confident “Thank you” is all you need. Alternatively, you can say, “Thank you, I worked hard on it.” Own your accomplishments.
7. Taking Notes Instead of Taking a Seat
In many mixed-gender meetings, women default to the role of note-taker. This is a secretarial task that is also mentally distracting. You cannot fully participate in a strategic discussion if you are busy documenting it. In short, you are serving the meeting, not contributing to it.
Politely decline this role. For instance, suggest rotating the task among all attendees. Instead, take a prominent seat at the table and engage in the high-level conversation. This approach positions you as a leader and strategist, not an administrative assistant.
8. Using “Small” Body Language
Confidence is physical. Do you hunch your shoulders, cross your arms and legs, or otherwise make yourself physically smaller? This “small” body language projects timidity. Furthermore, it signals that you are closed off or submissive.
Practice “power posing.” Sit or stand with your shoulders back. Keep your arms uncrossed. Plant your feet firmly on the floor. In other words, take up space. This physical change does two things. First, it signals confidence to others. Second, it also sends a signal to your own brain, making you actually feel more confident.
9. Laughing Nervously After a Serious Point
You make a serious, important point in a meeting. The statement is strong, but then you feel a wave of tension. As a result, you follow it up with a nervous, high-pitched laugh. This habit diffuses the tension. Unfortunately, it also undermines the gravity of your own statement, telling people you are not comfortable with your own authority.
Resist this urge. Make your point clearly. Then, pause. Let the weight of your words sink in. Silence is more powerful than a nervous giggle because it shows you are confident in what you said.
10. Volunteering for “Office Housework”
“Office housework” includes planning parties, ordering lunch, or remembering birthdays. While these tasks are necessary for a pleasant office, they are also non-promotable. They do not impact the bottom line. Furthermore, they do not lead to advancement. Women, unfortunately, disproportionately volunteer or are assigned these tasks.
This work is invisible. More importantly, it takes time away from the revenue-generating projects that get you noticed. Politely decline these tasks. For example: “I can’t take that on, but I am focused on finishing the new client proposal.” This protects your time for work that matters to your career.
11. Oversharing Personal Insecurities
You want to be relatable and authentic, so in an effort to bond, you overshare. You might talk about your self-doubt or discuss your anxiety about a project. This, however, can be misread as instability or incompetence. A professional setting is not the same as a therapy session or a chat with a best friend.
Maintain professional boundaries. While it is okay to be human, it is not okay to dump your fears on your colleagues or boss. Doing so can make them question your ability to handle pressure. Save your deepest insecurities for your trusted inner circle, not your cubicle-mate.
Confidence Is a Skill, Not a Feeling
You might not feel confident every single day. In fact, nobody does. But confidence is not a feeling; rather, it is a set of actions. It is a skill you can build. Similarly, these habits are not your personality. They are learned behaviors, which means you can unlearn them.
Start by picking just one. Notice when you do it. Then, consciously replace it with a more powerful alternative. You are already competent and smart. Therefore, it is time to remove the filters that hide your authority. You deserve to be seen as the confident, capable professional you truly are.
Which of these habits do you notice most in your own workplace? Share your observations below.
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