Parents and adult children often have complicated relationships. As people grow up, they want independence, but parents still care deeply. Sometimes, adult children develop habits that quietly hurt their parents, even if they don’t mean to. These habits can create distance, cause pain, or make parents feel unappreciated. Understanding these habits matters because small changes can make a big difference in family happiness. If you want a better relationship with your parents, it helps to notice these patterns and try something new.
1. Not Calling or Checking In
Many adult children get busy with work, friends, and their own families. They forget to call or check in with their parents. This habit can make parents feel overlooked or unimportant. Even a short call or message can mean a lot. Regular contact shows you care. If you struggle to remember, set a reminder. It’s a simple way to keep your connection strong.
2. Dismissing Their Advice
Parents often give advice, sometimes too much. But when adult children always dismiss or ignore it, parents can feel useless or unwanted. You don’t have to follow every suggestion, but listening shows respect. Say thank you, even if you disagree. Sometimes, just hearing them out is enough. It’s about valuing their experience, not just their words.
3. Only Reaching Out When You Need Something
Some adult children only call when they need help—money, babysitting, or advice. This pattern can make parents feel used. Try reaching out just to talk or share good news. Ask about their lives, too. Relationships work best when both sides give and receive. Make sure your parents know you value them for more than what they can do for you.
4. Not Respecting Their Boundaries
As parents age, they may set new boundaries. Maybe they want more privacy or less involvement in your life. Ignoring these boundaries can cause stress. Respect their wishes, even if it’s hard. Ask what they’re comfortable with. Boundaries go both ways, and honoring theirs shows maturity.
5. Criticizing Their Choices
It’s easy to judge your parents’ decisions, from how they spend money to their health habits. Constant criticism can hurt. Instead, offer support or ask questions. If you’re worried, share your concerns gently. Remember, they’re adults, too. Criticism rarely leads to change, but kindness can open doors.
6. Forgetting Important Dates
Missing birthdays, anniversaries, or other milestones can sting. Parents, remember your special days, and they hope you’ll do the same. Mark important dates on your calendar. A simple message or card goes a long way. It’s not about the gift—it’s about showing you care.
7. Not Showing Appreciation
Parents often do a lot behind the scenes. When adult children don’t say thank you, parents may feel taken for granted. Express gratitude for big and small things. A quick “thanks for dinner” or “I appreciate your help” matters. Appreciation builds goodwill and keeps relationships healthy.
8. Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Some adult children avoid tough talks about money, health, or family issues. This can leave parents feeling alone with their worries. Honest conversations, even when uncomfortable, help everyone. If you’re not sure how to start, try saying, “This is hard to talk about, but I think it’s important.” Facing problems together makes them easier to handle.
9. Comparing Them to Others
Comparing your parents to friends’ parents or to each other can hurt. Every family is different. When you say, “So-and-so’s mom does this,” it can make your parents feel like they’re not enough. Focus on what you appreciate about your own parents. Celebrate their strengths instead of pointing out differences.
10. Not Involving Them in Your Life
Parents want to feel included, even as you build your own life. When adult children leave them out of events, decisions, or updates, parents can feel left behind. Invite them to gatherings, share news, or ask for their opinion sometimes. Inclusion doesn’t mean sharing everything, but small gestures help them feel connected.
11. Holding Onto Old Grudges
Family history can be messy. Holding onto past hurts keeps wounds open. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean letting go of resentment. If you need help, consider talking to a counselor. Moving forward frees both you and your parents to enjoy the present.
Building Better Habits Starts Now
Small habits can quietly hurt parents, but small changes can heal. Noticing these patterns is the first step. Try calling more often, listening without judgment, or saying thank you. These actions build trust and warmth. Healthy family relationships take effort, but the rewards last a lifetime.
What habits have you noticed in yourself or others that affect your relationship with your parents? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Read More
10 Budgeting Apps That Collect More Than Just Your Money
Social Security Slashed? Here’s Why Your Check Might Be Smaller This Month
The post 11 Habits Adult Children Have That Quietly Hurt Their Parents appeared first on Clever Dude Personal Finance & Money.
