I like toast. You probably do too. What’s not to like? It goes well with almost anything. But would you like to make 104 slices of it over two days?
This is the reality of testing toasters for the Filter. An inauspicious start should have been my first clue that things might be less than straightforward. Before I began, each toaster needed to have its element coating burned off. You may be familiar with the acrid smell: it dissipates fairly quickly from a single toaster.
But I had 13, with multiple toasters plugged in around my kitchen at a time. I hadn’t anticipated the fug produced, which sent my smoke alarm into panic mode. “Smoke! Evacuate! Danger!” it screeched as I tried to waft the smell outside.
The next morning, I stocked up on baked goods, plus extra to allow for accidental burning. If you’re wondering how much one needs for 13 toasters, it’s five loaves of standard-size bread, three toastie-size, five packs of crumpets, three packs of bagels, and some rolls to try out the bun warmers in two of the toasters.
Ever meticulous, I took a ruler to the supermarket to measure how tall the toastie loaf was compared with the standard. This garnered a few puzzled looks from the staff. They became more curious when I began counting slices in a loaf, then piling my trolley high with bread.
The slice is right
It may surprise you that testing toasters isn’t all about making piles of toast (though that is the result). Each was assessed on the tangible features, such as how robust it felt, ease of use, functionality and whether it felt worth the price tag. Then the more subjective aspects: did it burn toast easily? Was browning even, or were there pale patches of bread at the top or corners? Was consecutive toasting consistent, and how easy was it to retrieve smaller items without burning my fingers?
For each cycle, I awarded marks out of five, with the De’Longhi Ballerina Seta toaster coming out on top thanks to its largely faultless performance and durable build. For those on a tighter budget, Russell Hobbs’s Brontë was my pick for its speed, consistency and high-lift lever. (And if no price is too high for the perfect slice of toast, Dualit’s NewGen Classic was my ultimate favourite.)
I devoured the first slice of toast I made. Even by slice three or four, I was still enjoying myself, happily assessing crispness with a smile on my face. “I’m carb-loading!” I trilled to my partner. (I have no idea what carb-loading actually is.)
This euphoria at work-sanctioned gorging was not to last. My whole slice demolishing became single bites, then tiny nibbles. Towards the end of the two-day test period, I channelled my inner Jilly Goolden and – once the toast had been chewed – could not bear to swallow. All in all, I toasted 13 bagels, 26 crumpets and 104 slices of toast, for a grand total of 143 toasted items. If you count each side of the bagels once split, it’s 156.
For a few days after, everything at home smelled toasted. My kitchen, my office, me. I found myself pondering whether it was possible to sweat butter. Perhaps, in the end, I was closer to athleticism than I thought. Testing 13 toasters is like a marathon. Both require eating a lot of carbs. Both can cause stomach discomfort or cramps. And both require you to feel – or at least note down – the burn.
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This week’s picks
‘Works beautifully in my moka pot’: the best (and worst) supermarket coffee, tasted and rated
No room for your bike? Here are 13 clever, space-saving storage ideas for indoors and out
How to make your garden tools last longer: expert tips for tackling rust, grime and blunt blades
The best men’s jeans for every occasion – and how to pick your perfect pair
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Editor’s pick
“Autumn has a way of sneaking up on us,” says the ever wise Jess Cartner-Morley. “It is time to focus on what will be the most important piece in all of our wardrobes for the next six months – the coat.” Our guide to the 50 best coats for men and women includes tips on how to find the perfect coat for you, one that “will make it easier to get through winter with a smile on your face”.
Monica Horridge
Deputy editor, the Filter
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In case you missed it …
There are many things to look forward to about autumn – chunky knitwear, hot drinks and a fresh new coat, say – but the prospect of sharing your space with damp laundry is not one of them. We’ve updated our guide to the best heated airers so that you can dry your clothes quickly – without burning too much energy.
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