Navigating the relationship with your in-laws can feel like walking a tightrope. One wrong word can create tension that lasts for years. While you aim for honesty, some comments are better left unsaid to maintain peace and respect. Knowing what you should never say to your in-laws isn’t about being fake; it’s about being wise and protecting your most important relationships. You will learn how to avoid common conversational pitfalls and foster a more positive connection with your partner’s family.
1. “At my house, we did it this way.”
Even if your intentions are helpful, this phrase often comes across as criticism. It implies that their way is wrong and yours is superior. Your in-laws have established their own traditions and methods over decades. By comparing their home to your own, you inadvertently create a sense of competition. Instead, try to appreciate their way of doing things or gently offer help without making comparisons. A better approach is to ask questions about their traditions to show genuine interest.
2. “Your child never did that before they met me.”
This statement, whether said in jest or frustration, places blame squarely on your partner and, by extension, on their parents’ upbringing. It can make your in-laws feel defensive, as if you’re suggesting they failed in some way. It also puts your partner in an uncomfortable position. More importantly, it shifts focus from the actual issue at hand onto a “before and after” comparison that is rarely productive. Focus on the present behavior without turning it into a referendum on your partner’s past.
3. “We’re not ready for kids yet, so please stop asking.”
The topic of grandchildren is often a source of joy and anticipation for in-laws, but the pressure can be immense. While their questions may feel intrusive, a blunt shutdown can hurt their feelings and create an awkward barrier. Acknowledge their excitement but firmly and kindly establish your boundary. You might say, “We appreciate how much you look forward to being grandparents. When we have news to share, you’ll be the first to know.” This response is both respectful and clear.
4. “Are you sure you should be eating that?”
Commenting on your in-laws’ health or diet is a dangerous territory. Unless you are their doctor, offering unsolicited medical or dietary advice is likely to be perceived as judgmental and disrespectful. People are often sensitive about their health choices, and your comment could embarrass them. If you have a genuine concern, it’s a conversation your partner—their child—should initiate. Avoid making remarks that could make them feel scrutinized in their own home.
5. “How much did that cost?”
Asking direct questions about finances is often considered rude, regardless of the relationship. What you say to your in-laws should not include prying into their personal spending habits. It can make them feel that you are judging their financial decisions or are overly concerned with their money. If they want to share details about a new purchase or vacation, they will. Otherwise, it’s best to simply admire the item or share in their excitement without asking for a price tag.
6. “Politics/Religion is such a mess, isn’t it?”
Bringing up deeply divisive topics like politics or religion is a gamble that rarely pays off, especially if you don’t already know where they stand. These subjects are intensely personal, and a seemingly innocent comment can quickly escalate into a heated argument. Unless you are certain you share the same views, it’s wise to steer clear. Keep conversations focused on neutral, shared interests like family news, hobbies, or upcoming events to maintain a pleasant atmosphere.
7. “You should have raised your child to…”
This is one of the most insulting things you could possibly say. It is a direct attack on their parenting and suggests you think you could have done a better job. Your partner is an adult, responsible for their own actions. Criticizing their upbringing to their parents is out of line and will cause deep, lasting resentment. Any issues you have with your partner’s behavior should be discussed privately with your partner, not their parents.
8. “We can only stay for an hour.”
Announcing your departure time the moment you arrive can make your in-laws feel like an obligation rather than a priority. It sends the message that you are just trying to get the visit over with. If your time is genuinely limited, it’s better to mention it when making the plans. For example, say, “We’d love to come over on Sunday, but we’ll need to leave by 3 p.m.” This manages expectations beforehand and allows the time you do spend together to feel more relaxed and genuine.
9. “Thanks, but we have our own holiday plans.”
Holidays are emotionally charged, and turning down an invitation without care can be hurtful. Your in-laws likely envision spending these special times with their family. A flat rejection can sound like you don’t want to be with them. Frame your response with more sensitivity. You could say, “That sounds lovely! We’re doing something different this year, but we’d love to find another time to celebrate with you.” This shows you value them, even if you can’t make that specific event.
10. “Let me give you some money for that.”
While you may intend to be helpful, offering money can sometimes offend, especially with an older generation that prides itself on being providers. It might imply you think they can’t afford something or that their hospitality needs to be paid for. A better way to show appreciation is with a thoughtful gift, a thank-you card, or by reciprocating the invitation. These gestures acknowledge their generosity without turning it into a financial transaction.
Choosing Words That Build Bridges, Not Walls
The common thread among things you shouldn’t say to your in-laws is a lack of respect for their role, experience, and feelings. Positive relationships are built on mutual respect and thoughtful communication. By avoiding these conversational landmines, you demonstrate that you value them as family. Ultimately, fostering a peaceful relationship with your in-laws strengthens your bond with your partner and creates a more supportive family network for everyone.
What is one piece of advice you’ve found helpful for communicating effectively with your in-laws? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Read more:
5 Communication Tricks Only Happy Couples Use
9 Comments That Make Your Partner Feel Undervalued
The post 10 Things You Should Never Say to Your In-Laws appeared first on Budget and the Bees.
