Funerals are hard. Emotions run high, and words can feel heavy. You want to comfort someone, but sometimes what you say can hurt more than help. Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can make grief worse or come off as insensitive. Knowing what not to say at a funeral matters because it helps you support others in a real way. Here are ten things you should never say at a funeral, even if you mean well.
1. “They’re in a better place.”
This phrase is common at funerals, but it doesn’t always help. Not everyone shares the same beliefs about the afterlife. For some, this statement can feel dismissive of their pain. Grief is about missing someone now, not where they might be. Instead, try saying, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” It’s simple and honest.
2. “At least they lived a long life.”
A long life is indeed something to appreciate, but this phrase can sound like you’re minimizing the loss. No matter how old someone was, their loved ones still feel the pain of losing them. Grief doesn’t care about age. A better approach is to acknowledge the loss without comparison. Say, “I know you’ll miss them.”
3. “Everything happens for a reason.”
People often say this to make sense of tragedy, but it rarely brings comfort. In the moment, it can feel like you’re brushing off someone’s pain or suggesting their loss was necessary. Most people just want their feelings recognized. Instead, offer your presence. Sometimes, just being there is enough.
4. “I know how you feel.”
Even if you’ve lost someone, you don’t know exactly how another person feels. Grief is personal. This phrase can make it about you instead of the person who’s hurting. If you want to connect, try, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” This keeps the focus on them.
5. “At least they’re not suffering anymore.”
While it’s true that death can end pain, this phrase can sound cold. It shifts attention away from the mourner’s feelings and onto the deceased’s suffering. People need space to feel sad, not to be told why they shouldn’t be. Instead, say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
6. “Be strong.”
Telling someone to “be strong” can make them feel like they have to hide their emotions. Grief is messy, and it’s okay to cry or feel lost. This phrase can add pressure at a time when people need support, not expectations. Let them know it’s okay to feel however they feel.
7. “It was their time.”
This phrase tries to make sense of loss, but it can sound like you’re saying the death was meant to be. For many, this doesn’t help. It can even make people angry. Instead, focus on listening. Sometimes, silence is more comforting than words.
8. “At least you still have…”
Comparing losses or pointing out what someone still has can feel dismissive. Whether it’s other family members, friends, or memories, it doesn’t replace the person who’s gone. Grief is about what’s missing, not what remains. Offer support without comparisons.
9. “Let me know if you need anything.”
This phrase is well-meaning, but it places the burden on the grieving person to initiate contact. Most people won’t ask for help, even if they need it. Instead, offer something specific. Say, “Can I bring you dinner this week?” or “Would you like some company tomorrow?” Small, concrete offers mean more.
10. “Time heals all wounds.”
Time can help, but it doesn’t erase pain. This phrase can make people feel like they should hurry up and move on. Grief has no timeline. Instead, let them know you’re there for the long haul. Say, “Take all the time you need. I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
Supporting Grief with Real Compassion
Funerals are about honoring the person who’s gone and supporting those left behind. The words you choose matter. The wrong phrase can add to someone’s pain, even if you mean well. The right words—or even just your quiet presence—can help someone feel less alone. If you’re unsure what to say, keep it simple. “I’m sorry for your loss” is always safe. And if you don’t know what to say, just listen. Sometimes, that’s what people need most.
What’s something you wish people would or wouldn’t say at a funeral? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Read More
He’s in a Better Place—and 6 Other Phrases That Made Me Want to Scream
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