The plucky but sodden diners at the Queen’s birthday picnic last weekend may turn out to be the perfect emblem for what looks likely to be a very damp June. As the Daily Express puts it: “BRITAIN ON MONSOON ALERT: Month’s worth of RAIN to DRENCH UK in WETTEST June ever.” If you live on a flood plain or rain poses a direct threat to your livelihood, this is clearly terrible news. But if not, remember what Hamlet said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Here are 10 reasons to look on the bright side.
1 The sheer spectacle of it all
Look up – a rainbow! Look down – another one there on the ground, where yesterday was just a patch of spilled oil! Rain has a magical, transformative effect, especially in a big city. Smell that cleaner air! Put on some wellies and go and jump in a puddle, or have a paper-boat race down the teeming gutters.
2 Crowded bus stops and shop doorways
Marriages, love affairs and life-long enmities have been generated as a result of strangers huddling together in the dry and listening to the hypnotic pitter-patter of the storm. Don’t forget to synchronise cooing for those lightning and thunder strikes.
3 “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes”
One of the sexiest things a significant other can say, one of the most irritating coming from a parent, and one of the creepiest from a bus conductor.
4 Singin’ in the rain
When heavy rain hits, the average time for someone to start humming, whistling or singing this is approximately 3.5 seconds. Few people go full-on Gene Kelly. That’s not to say that you couldn’t or shouldn’t.
5 Staying at home
You know all those box sets people have been raving about but you never got round to watching, because you had a life? Now’s your chance. Or tackle all the films on this intriguing list from the BFI. Failing that, order all your groceries online and learn to cook, or get the paintbrushes out and give your kitchen the new colour it’s been begging for.
6 Wimbledon under water
The centre-court roof means Cliff Richard is less likely to spring into action these days, but heavy rain in the tournament’s early stages can have a disastrous knock-on effect, as they did for the first Wimbledon in 1922. It was plagued by torrential rain throughout, and finished a whole week late, on 12 July. This is a good thing, since tennis haters get to watch whatever black-and-white classics the BBC can find down the back of its sofa, while tennis fans have the blissful prospect of spending even longer in the company of ace-serving chatterbox Andy Murray. Plus a longer tourney means more chance of tickets becoming unexpectedly available.
7 Glastonbury under water
Banish any lingering regret at missing out on tickets, switch on the TV and learn the real meaning of schadenfreude.
8 Think of the rivers, lakes and aquifers
Hard to believe, isn’t it, that between 2010 and 2012, the UK suffered one of its most prolonged recorded droughts? The most recent report from the National River Flow Archive, which worries about such things, makes for calming reading. Even before all the recent rain, it says, “the water resources outlook for the remainder of spring and summer 2016 is healthy”.
9 The self-washing car, the self-watering window box
See also the suddenly affectionate and very-keen-to-return-home cat; or the occasional hilariously rain-drenched moggy.
10 Umbrellas and shorts
There can be few sights more likely to provoke international admiration than the classically British combo of brown sandals, khaki shorts, socks and firmly clutched umbrella. “Ah, Britain,” they say, “you not only rule the waves, you waive the rules too. Europe would be a poorer place without you. Though not without your weather. You can keep that.”
