Let’s face it—parenting is equal parts love, chaos, and strategic dishonesty. Somewhere between “please eat your broccoli” and “we’re leaving in five minutes,” even the most honest parents have found themselves spinning little white lies to get through the day. But here’s the thing: not all fibs are bad. Some are harmless, some are hilarious, and most are born from a deep, desperate need to survive mealtime, bedtime, or the grocery store. These are the lies all parents tell their kids—and honestly, we don’t feel the least bit guilty about them.
1. “The Ice Cream Truck Only Plays Music When It’s Out of Ice Cream”
This one is practically legendary. It’s the parenting equivalent of a Jedi mind trick. Your kid hears the music and gets excited—but you shut that down with a swift explanation that the truck is just… out of stock. No tantrum, no sugar rush, just peace. It’s pure parenting genius.
2. “We’re All Out of Batteries”
This fib comes in clutch when noisy toys cross the line into soul-crushing territory. Whether it’s a singing dinosaur or a beeping robot, the “no batteries” excuse magically quiets the house. Bonus: you don’t actually have to remove the batteries—you just have to say you did. It’s practically self-care.
3. “If You Lie, Your Tongue Will Turn Black”
A timeless lie to combat lying? That’s irony at its finest. This myth is just creepy enough to be believable to a 5-year-old and just ridiculous enough to be hilarious to adults. Parents wield it like a truth serum. And it works—at least for a little while.
4. “I Don’t Know Where That Toy Went”
Translation: You threw it out three days ago and prayed they wouldn’t notice. Sometimes, clutter mysteriously disappears when no one’s looking. Other times, it’s a carefully planned operation involving a trash bag and stealthy footwork. Either way, it’s gone, and you’re not sorry.
5. “We’re Almost There!”
Even when you’re still 45 minutes away and stuck in traffic, this lie buys you precious silence. Toddlers have very little sense of time anyway, so “almost there” could mean anything. They ask, you reassure, and the cycle repeats until you finally pull into the driveway—or at least a drive-thru.
6. “The Toy Store Is Closed Today”
It’s amazing how many stores seem to close randomly on days your child wants to visit. This is an all-purpose deflection for avoiding both tantrums and unnecessary spending. Bonus points if you say it with conviction while driving right past said store. No harm, no foul—just a clever dodge.
7. “Sorry, That’s Only for Grown-Ups”
This one covers everything from spicy food to your secret candy stash. It builds mystery and shuts down begging in one quick phrase. Plus, it gives your kids something to look forward to… someday. Until then, your chocolate is safe.
8. “We Have to Leave or They’ll Lock Us In”
A classic for ending fun activities on a timer. The idea that a mall, restaurant, or bounce house might trap them inside if they don’t leave now sparks just enough urgency. It’s mildly dramatic, highly effective, and pretty hilarious in hindsight.
9. “Your Drawing Is So Good, I Thought It Was From a Museum!”
This is the sweet kind of lie, the kind that builds confidence and makes your kid beam with pride. No one really believes their child’s crayon squiggles are on par with Monet, but that doesn’t stop the compliments from flowing. And honestly? That’s a lie worth telling.
10. “If You Swallow Gum, It’ll Stay in Your Stomach for Seven Years”
Parents have been passing this one down like it’s sacred scripture. It’s not true, of course, but it’s just gross enough to keep kids from chewing five pieces at once. Whether or not it works depends on the kid—but it’s a go-to line for a reason.
Parenting Isn’t About Perfection—It’s About Survival
These lies all parents tell their kids aren’t about deception; they’re about creativity, convenience, and keeping the peace. Whether you’re dodging a sugar meltdown or sneaking in a moment of quiet, these small fibs can be parenting lifesavers. And guess what? Your kids will probably tell the same ones when they’re parents, too.
What’s the funniest or most clever lie you’ve told your kids? Share your favorite parent fibs in the comments—we promise we won’t tell!
Read More:
9 Reasons Kids Lash Out—And What They’re Really Saying
10 Things Parents Want to Say to Their Grown Kids (But Don’t)
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