Late-night hosts addressed Trump’s role in the ceasefire in Gaza as his administration sends troops to support Immigration and Customs Enforcement (Ice) in Chicago.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert returned to the Late Show with a quick rundown of everything he missed on just one week of holiday. The news last week was “a doozy”, he said. “It’s less ‘we didn’t start the fire’ and more ‘everything’s on fire.’”
Colbert provided a partial list of what he missed in a single week: the government shutdown headed into its third week; Trump fired more than 4,000 federal workers; the Department of Justice, under pressure from Trump, charged the New York attorney general, Letitia James, with fraud; Trump sent national guard troops to Chicago and Portland and threatened to invoke the Insurrection Act; Trump imposed a stunning 100% tariff on all goods from China, which caused the stock market to have its worst day in six months; and Taylor Swift released her new album, The Life of a Showgirl, to “merely mixed reviews”.
“Well those reviewers are just jealous of her talent, and of Travis Kelce’s majestic redwood,” Colbert joked, referencing Swift’s cheeky song Wood.
Colbert celebrated some good news: on Monday, as a result of the ceasefire brokered in Gaza, all living Israeli hostages and 2,000 Palestinian prisoners were released. “Credit where credit is due: Donald Trump did something good. Are we still canceled?” Colbert joked, referring to his show’s cancellation by CBS as the Trump administration approved its parent company’s merger with Skydance Media.
But “while Trump tries to bring peace to the Middle East, he’s trying just as hard to bring war to the midwest,” he continued, as Trump continues to send national guard troops to Chicago to support Ice.
“Personally, I am horrified to see how he’s stomping on my old stomping grounds of Chicago, Illinois,” where the comedian lived for over a decade. “Ice has been terrorizing communities in the Windy City, going door to door, in front of elementary schools, arresting immigrants illegal or otherwise. Arresting US citizens, without any due process! Teargassing journalists who are merely reporting on what they’re doing.
“All of which I know sounds bad. But before you judge them, keep in mind: they also shot a pastor in the head with pepper balls,” he added with disgust. “Which kinda makes you nostalgic for the earlier part of that list, doesn’t it?”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel recapped Trump’s visit to Israel and Egypt to celebrate the ceasefire in Gaza. “He finally did something positive today, and I want to give him credit for it, because I know he’s not the type to take credit for himself,” Kimmel joked.
“We’re only in the first phase of what will undoubtedly be a long and tricky process,” he continued. “The fact is the bombing has stopped, the hostages have been released, and Trump deserves some of the praise for that. And so I know it sounds crazy to say but good work on that one, President Trump. Now maybe you can not invade Portland? Just an idea.”
Kimmel also mocked Trump’s “bigly disappointment” over not winning the Nobel peace prize that he openly campaigned for. The Norwegian Nobel committee instead awarded the prize to the Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado.
“So now Trump is focused on winning the prize next year,” said Kimmel. “Which is fine! Keep trying to make peace! I’m fine with coming up with prizes and trophies to motivate him. Give him the Nobel Reopen the Government and Leave Healthcare Alone prize.”
In other news, the White House released “results” from Trump’s latest physical. “Good news: his blood pressure, cholesterol and genius are all stable. His doctors say he’s in excellent health and fully capable of continuing to make sure that millions of his fellow Americans aren’t,” Kimmel quipped.
The White House also revealed that Trump got both the Covid and flu vaccines at his checkup. “After all this, he got the flu vaccine, the got the Covid vaccine, he ate a whole bottle of Tylenol and he washed it down with a gallon of red dye #2, while RFK was screaming and crying and pounding on the door outside,” Kimmel joked.
“And if you’re wondering if it’s hypocritical for Trump, who has denigrated these vaccines, to get them while his health officials make them more difficult for the rest of us to get, the answer is yes, it is,” he concluded. “It’s like if we found out that Nancy Reagan was smoking crack the whole time.”
