A 33-year-old man asked on Reddit recently if he and his wife were “bad kids” for setting a $200 monthly limit on how much they help his aging parents financially. For years, they had picked up the tab for car repairs, medical bills and surprise property taxes–more than $9,000 last year alone.
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The couple, who earn about $145,000 in a mid-cost-of-living city, had been quietly bailing out his parents for years. His father, a gig worker in his early 60s, and his mostly stay-at-home mom had little to no savings, despite owning a paid-off house.
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“For years, every ’emergency’ has landed on me,” he said. “New brakes on their car 900, medical bill 1200, property tax they forgot about 600, plus random stuff like plane tickets to visit relatives.”
Individually, none of the expenses seemed unreasonable, but together they added up to over $9,000 last year–essentially wiping out what the couple could have contributed to their Roth IRAs.
After sitting down with a financial planner, the couple made the decision to limit their parental assistance to $200 a month, only making exceptions for true emergencies. But the reaction from his parents wasn't gratitude. “My mom cried and said she felt like a burden, then my dad got angry and called me ungrateful because ‘they raised me,'” the post read.
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That line hit a nerve for many commenters. One wrote, “You don’t owe your parents for bringing you into this world and raising you. That's their responsibility as a parent.” Another added, “They made a choice to have you. You did not make a choice to be born to parents that did not plan for retirement.”
Others commended the couple for doing what many are afraid to: drawing a line before resentment builds. “You’re good kids for helping them at all,” one popular comment said. Another agreed, “OP’s wife is a saint for letting it go this far.”
More than a few shared similar stories of being expected to act as their parents’ retirement plan. One person said, “I supported a ‘boomer in denial’ parent financially through my mid to late 20s. It permanently financially damaged me in a way that is irrecoverable.”
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The $200 monthly budget was seen as generous by many. “That’s more than I give my college-aged kid each month,” one person commented. Others suggested putting that money aside in a high-yield savings account for real emergencies instead of handing it over directly.
Advice also poured in around accountability. Some suggested the parents downsize, take part-time jobs, or meet with a financial counselor. One person commented, “There is dignity in work. Retirement is not an age, but an economic status.”
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Image: Shutterstock
