As the head of Papyrus, the UK charity for the prevention of young suicide, Ged Flynn regularly visits schools where the children and staff are struggling to cope with a pupil’s death by suicide. A few years ago, he had a conversation with a teacher he will never forget.
“A group of young people had been talking about killing themselves. One of them did kill themselves, and the school brought me in to talk to the rest of them. Those children were grieving, really grieving – but in conversations, the school had been saying to them: ‘You should have moved on by now.’ This was six weeks after the death.”
When Flynn tackled one of the senior leaders at the school about this, she burst into tears. “She said: ‘It was me who said that, because I can’t cope with this. I don’t know what to do.’”
Teenage suicide remains rare, thankfully. But since 2010, the number has increased by 67% in England and Wales: in 2017 alone, 187 children aged 10 to 19 in these countries took their own lives, 15% more than in the previous year. In Scotland, the number of suicides by young people aged 15 to 24 years old rose even more dramatically over the past 12 months, to a ten-year high of 96 – a 50% increase over a single year.
And the impact can be huge. A Canadian study recently found that the suicide of a schoolmate increased the risk of suicidal thoughts or attempts among young people aged 12 to 17 – especially 12- to 13-year-olds – for up to two years following the suicide, and had an impact that was even greater than the suicide of a family member.
But the reality is that schools are not always prepared. As a result, when a pupil takes their own life, it can send a school into a “blind panic”, Flynn says. “There’s an avoidance of the subject of suicide. They want to say: ‘Nothing’s the matter here, and move on.’” In fact, all the evidence shows quite the opposite, says Flynn: “If you don’t talk openly about suicide, there may well be another one.”
Rory O’Connor, director of the Suicidal Behaviour Research Laboratory and professor of health psychology at the University of Glasgow, explains: “Although there’s no one single factor that leads to suicide, the work that we and others have done suggests one of the strongest risk factors is whether you’ve known somebody else – either a close friend or a family member – who has died by suicide or has attempted suicide… It will affect people who are already vulnerable, who have already experienced distress themselves in their own lives.”
He believes every school should have a crisis response plan in place, which is not just about supporting the children who are in the immediate friendship group of the pupil who died. “The ripples of suicide are vast. What a school should be doing is acknowledging that the death has happened and then immediately offering support and reassurance for the whole school community.”
Any discussion about suicide should be followed with advice about where to go to seek help if pupils feel affected, and parents should be told to approach discussions at home in the same way. Schools can also put up posters advertising Papyrus’ national “hopeline” for young people who feel suicidal or have suicidal thoughts (0800 068 4141).
The Samaritans offers a free support service to schools called Step by Step, which offers downloadable resources or a trained advisor for the first days and weeks.
“We talk to the school and listen to what they feel they need at that time,” says Carole Jordan, a senior volunteer who oversees the charity’s education programmes. “We’d also support them with how to break the news to pupils, parents and the local community.” There are sample letters for parents, encouraging them to talk to their children about the suicide and recommending that they seek help and support if they are worried about their child’s reaction. They are warned that young people can be affected for many months to come and they should tell their child to speak to an adult if their child becomes worried about a friend.
Jordan says the programme doesn’t give direct emotional support to pupils, “but we do offer support to the adults in the school to help them support the students”. Advisers will listen, she says, and encourage those who need more support to get it.
Papyrus picks up where the Samaritans leave off. As well as its helpline, the charity offers teachers and post-16-year-olds awareness-raising sessions on young suicide, and has created a downloadable guide for schools to use to prevent suicide in young people. This guide – Building Suicide-Safer Schools and Colleges – includes advice on how to spot the signs that a pupil may be considering taking their own life and how best to intervene to prevent a suicide. It also gives practical tips on how to support pupils and details of helpful and unhelpful language when talking about suicide. For example, the phrase “commit suicide” suggests suicide is a crime, and describing a suicide as “successful” would be equally inappropriate.
Similarly, teachers should avoid saying to a vulnerable young person: “You’re not thinking of doing something stupid/silly are you?” This conveys that a pupil’s suicidal thoughts are stupid or silly, and therefore may be met with a denial even though the child actually is considering ending their life. It arises, Flynn says, from the silence and taboo around suicide in general, which teachers must strive to overcome. “If we can say, ‘Are you thinking about suicide then, Jimmy?’ that child gets a stronger message that you’re OK with the word.”
Flynn recommends teachers follow a few key principles: “Be sensitive. Don’t change the subject. Be open and honest.” Asking “How are you feeling?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” and stressing that you will listen if any pupils want to talk is recommended. Trotting out cliches like “time heals everything” or “they are at peace now” is not.
Schools should also encourage parents not to fear the subject of suicide. “Schools need to get parents engaged with this. Bring them in, have a discussion – and if they are worried, offer them our helpline number,” says Flynn.
Both Flynn and O’Connor warn that schools need to be careful when memorialising the pupil who died, and avoid glamorising the death or sharing any detail about the method of suicide.
Other helpful programmes around the UK include The Decider, a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) programme designed for schools that teachers can run themselves using a manual and video resources. Designed by psychotherapists Michelle Ayres and Carol Vivyan, it teaches children and teenagers 12 life skills to help them recognise and manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. “Some parents say it has been life-changing,” says Ayres.
Seasons for Growth is a free eight-week programme in Scotland via the Notre Dame Centre (also available in Hillingdon, Leeds and North Wales that aims to help children cope with feelings of grief.
All the experts agree that, like their pupils, it is important teachers look after their own mental health. In a 2017 survey, commissioned by Papyrus, one in 10 teachers said a student shares suicidal thoughts with them once a term or more, on average. Flynn, who is regularly approached by suicidal young people after he gives talks at schools, is one of the few people who truly understands how difficult this may be for a teacher. When a child tells him they are thinking about killing themselves, “Of course it upsets me,” he says. “I’m human.”
Sometimes, if the young person starts to cry, he also breaks down and cries. “I’ll put my arm around them and say: ‘I don’t know what to say, but what I can offer you is a space to be heard.’” He listens, and he tells them he thinks they are uncertain about suicide, otherwise they would not be talking to him. He asks them if that is the case, and he tells them he wants to keep them safe. And then he will call the Papyrus helpline with them, and hope that he can get them the help they need.
In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 and Papyrus can be contacted on 0800 068 4141. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international suicide helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org
