That’s your lot from this one. Join Lawrence Ostlere for the Saturday clockwatch, or if Spanish football is more your thing, Tim Hill has Barcelona v Deportivo over here.
Cheers for reading.
Well, a curious game. Everton were utterly dominant in the first half, but didn’t convert their chances and Norwich improved greatly after the break and, after that chance for Jerome that he spurned, they probably should have won.
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Full-time: Norwich 1-1 Everton
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
90 mins + 3: Half chance for Everton, as Lukaku tries to create himself some space and the ball eventually falls to Mirallas, but his effort is blocked by Martin.
90 mins + 1: Gibson’s eyes light up with a bit of space around 30 yards out, he tries a shot but it flies high and wide.
90 mins: Howson scraps for the ball after an Everton mistake just in front of their defence, but his shot doesn’t quite dip enough and it goes over. Three minutes of added time.
88 mins: Gibson tries a ball down the left, seemingly with the intention of defying physics and curling the ball behind the Norwich defence to the point of it almost being backwards. It doesn’t work.
85 mins: A potential Norwich attack ends when Jerome bumbles into Funes Mori, knocking him over and looking like a great big klutz in the process.
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84 mins: Sub for Norwich - Jonny Howson is on for Hoolahan.
83 mins: Funes Mori tries a half-volley from range that we’ll describe as ‘ambitious’. Let’s just say it didn’t go in and move on.
81 mins: A corner is long-delayed as Funes Mori and Martin are given a stern talking to for some shirt-pulling related naughtiness. The corner, when it comes, isn’t worth waiting for as it turns out.
79 mins: Funes Mori heads the ball back to Howard, and Jerome nearly, nearly anticipates it perfectly and nips in, but doesn’t quite.
78 mins: Big chance for Everton, as the ball falls to Gareth Barry just eight yards out, but he spins and shoots and it’s saved by Rudd.
76 mins: Kone is lucky to escape a booking after sticking his studs on Hoolahan, but there’s no censure at all from the referee:
Meanwhile, some thoughts on Deulofeu from Philip Podolsky: “Deulofeu should take a page out of Neymar’s book, who toned down the fireworks in his first season for Barcelona and did everything within his power to click with the team’s rhythm. Surely the stimulus to do that is greater when you play alongside Messi, but his indulgences are the reason he’s not playing alongside Messi.”
75 mins: Change for Everton - Darron Gibson replaces Barkley.
74 mins: Martin shoves Mirallas off the pitch, virtually in the same spot that Alexis Sanchez was shoved into a camera by Bennett a few weeks ago. Is that bit of Carrow Road haunted by a spirit that takes over Norwich defenders and makes them do pointless, stupid stuff?
73 mins: Tettey tries a big shot from 25 yards, but that started wide and faded much wider.
71 mins: Oh Cameron...
Heartless YouTube compilation cruelty here. pic.twitter.com/WBWVgKZS4U
— Adam Hurrey (@FootballCliches) November 23, 2015
70 mins: Oh boy, Norwich should be ahead. Neat work down the right, Martin shovels the ball to Hoolahan at the near post who creates a glorious chance with a lovely backheel, Jerome lines it up from around ten yards and blazes it over. Had to score there Saint.
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68 mins: Kone shoots, and it’s blocked. Coleman shoots, and the concept of ‘shooting’ is thoroughly offended. Change for Everton, and Kevin Mirallas is on, replacing Deulofeu. Curious one, unless Deulofeu is injured.
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66 mins: Norwich are in, away on a rapid counter after a Baines cross is cleared, but Redmond’s pass looking for Jerome is utterly terrible, and just goes straight to Howard.
64 mins: Stones gets himself in some trouble when trying to play the ball out of defence. He eventually passes to Coleman who, like Batman with a giant comedy bomb, immediately passes it back, and Stones shanks the ball out of play.
63 mins: Deulofeu gets The Treatment from the home fans after that earlier flouncing incident. On cue, he carelessly gives the ball away by putting a simple, five-yard pass to Baines out of play.
61 mins: A careless pass from Barkley sets Norwich off on a counter, Jerome feeds Hoolahan who has a chance to shoot, but for some reason he tries to square the thing to Tettey, the slight snag being that there were three defenders in the way. Pass: incomplete.
59 mins: Shambolic defending by Everton from a corner nearly leads to another goal. Two men are left free at the back post as they resolutely refuse to actually clear the thing, and danger is only averted when Jerome is flagged offside.
57 mins: Lukaku crosses brilliantly from the right but it’s headed away. Norwich counter quickly, Hoolahan runs across the edge of the area and tees up Brady, but his shot is deflected over. Good contest now, this.
56 mins: Much louder from the home fans now. Their team hasn’t been quite as anonymous as the first-half, which helps. Redmond swings over a corner from the left but Barry heads it clear.
54 mins: Jerome brings a long pass down on his chest, tries a big volley, misses and tries to style it out as a stepover. Lovely to see.
53 mins: The ball breaks to Lukaku, via Cleverley, but the latter isn’t quite on his teammate’s wavelength and stands still, instead of going for the return pass.
51 mins: Olsson vaguely catches Deulofeu with a fingertip somewhere near his face, and the Spaniard goes down screaming - genuinely, screaming - in pain. The referee reluctantly gives a foul, because it was one, but sympathises with Olsson when he asks what all the fuss is about.
49 mins: Impish work from Deulofeu on the right, twisting blood of the Norwich defenders hither and thither, before his cross is half-cleared out to Cleverley, but his shot goes over.
48 mins: Mikhail Ridhuan wrote this at half-time, and the first bit has come to pass already: “I can just see it now. Norwich, after a Churchillian speech from Alex Neil, come out strong in the second half and pinch an equalizer. We lose Stones through a missing limb (at the rate he’s going) and probably Barry for a second bookable offense.”
47 mins: You knew that was going to happen. A cross comes into the middle, the first header is cleared off the line by Barkley, but Hoolahan is there to just smuggle the thing over the line. Remarkable.
GOAL! Norwich 1-1 Everton (Hoolahan)
Well, well, well.
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The players are back out, and there’s a change for Norwich - Ryan Bennett is on for Andre Wisdom, as Alex Neil looks to shore things up a little.
Happy to help...
Reasons to be hopeful: "There's no way Norwich can be this bad in the second half." Thanks for the reassurance @NickMiller79
— Jon McGregor (@jon_mcgregor) December 12, 2015
From about the tenth minute, it’s difficult to recall a more one-sided game in the Premier League this season in which the two teams are separated by just one goal. Everton will probably regret not sticking at least one or two of their other clear chances away, because there’s no way Norwich can be this bad in the second half.
Half-time: Norwich 0-1 Everton
Well, not exactly an even, close-fought contest, that.
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45 mins + 2: Lukaku close again! Everton counter at some pace, feeds Lukaku to the right, the Norwich defence tries to show him onto his right foot but he lollipops onto his left and directs a low shot towards the corner...but it just goes wide. Everton could be five up here.
45 mins: Stones is back on and looks fine, as do Barkley and Tettey. Two minutes of added time at the end of the half.
44 mins: Barry swings a cross over from the left but it’s headed behind before Lukaku can get there. Baines puts the corner into the near-post, it’s cleared but Stones runs off the pitch and is down, looking like he’s hurt his left knee. Nothing to do with the pre-game injury, which was his right ankle. Meanwhile, Barkley and Tettey go up for a header and clash, so they need treatment too.
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42 mins: The natives are restless. If they had white hankies, they’d be waving them. Instead, they settle for boos and an attempt to shove a collective rocket up the behinds of their players.
41 mins: Another chance for Everton. Kone goes clean through, tries to clip the ball around/over the onrushing Rudd, but the keeper dashes out and smothers the chance. The ball eventually finds its way out to Lukaku, who runs at goal and shoots from about 20 yards out, but pulls it wide.
39 mins: Woof. Brilliant play by Everton, Deulofeu’s quick feet putting Coleman away on the right, he clips a cross to the back post where Lukaku misses a volley, but it falls to Baines who crashes a right-footed shot against the post. Six inches to the left and that would’ve been a magnificent goal.
38 mins: Deulofeu skims a cross from right to left, looking for Lukaku at the back post, but Martin gets there ahead of him and heads clear.
36 mins: Deulofeu goes to lollipop his way around Olsson, changes his mind and plays a lovely slipped through ball to Coleman on the overlap, but the full-back was offside.
35 mins: Ross Barkley has been pretty quiet so far. Although when Deulofeu and Lukaku are playing this well, plus Cleverley as well, it doesn’t matter quite so much.
33 mins: Deulofeu finds himself in precisely no space in the corner, but gets out of it delightfully well with a backheel. It doesn’t come to anything, but that was lovely work by the Spanish winger.
31 mins: Good lord, that really, really, really should be two. Coleman slips it down the line to Cleverley, who fires over a low cross in the ol’ corridor of uncertainty, a couple of defenders lunge for it and one, Martin, might get a touch on it, but it goes through to Lukaku at the back post, with an open goal, and he hits his shot into the ground from six yards out and it bounces over.
29 mins: A spot of head-tennis out on the Norwich right. They’re struggling to create anything so far, and are lucky not to be further behind.
27 mins: A quieter spell in the game. Deulofeu and Baines both try defence-splitters, but the defence remains stoutly unsplit.
24 mins: Very quiet at Carrow Road. The sound of Neil’s barked instructions from the touchline are the loudest noise you can hear, which is a little troubling for the home side.
22 mins: Everton very much on top now. Lukaku tries to switch the play out left, but his pass is overhit and goes out.
20 mins: Looks like Rudd might have hurt himself making that save. He doesn’t look entirely happy, that’s for sure. One to keep an eye on.
19 mins: And it might have been three. Suddenly Kone finds himself clean through on goal on the left side of the area, after a lovely through ball by Lukaku, but Rudd comes out well, spreads himself and batters the ball away. Wonderful play, excellent goalkeeping, and Alex Neil looks thoroughly irked with life.
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17 mins: Everton should probably be two up already. Redmond gives the ball away and suddenly it’s two on two as Everton counter at pace. Deulofeu dashes towards goal but instead of playing inside to Lukaku, he tries to go on the outside himself and just runs the ball out of play.
15 mins: The ball flaps around the edge of the Norwich area and they struggle to clear the thing, eventually putting it behind for a corner. Baines crosses, it’s half cleared then finds Deulofeu on the right corner of the box. He puts in an absolutely majestic cross to the back stick, where Lukaku fights off his marker to head into the net. Great stuff from the Toffees, there.
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GOAL! Norwich 0-1 Everton (Lukaku 15)
Because of course it is.
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13 mins: “As an exiled Norwich fan I find the fact that the team can actually play is the most frustrating aspect of this season,” writes Phil Withall. “If they were a poor side it would be so much easier to except the plight they find themselves in.As long as there are three teams worse than them I’ll be happy.”
They’re doing OK so far today. Everton had the better chances, but haven’t exactly dominated.
12 mins: Baines plays the ball down the left to Kone, who is hustled by a couple of defenders but he manages to smuggle it back to Lukaku in the area, but his shot across goal skips wide off the wet turf.
11 mins: Redmond does well to create a bit of space on the right, and he clips it back to Tettey just outside the box, but his shot was ambitious, to say the least, and it goes over.
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10 mins: Everton spend a while trying to set up a chance around the edge of the area, some nice pressing from Norwich pushes them back and Funes Mori tries a big diagonal to Lukaku, but the striker’s chest control isn’t good enough and it’s intercepted.
7 mins: O’Neil plays a delicious ball inside Baines and finds Redmond, who cuts back and beats Baines again, but instead of crossing to Jerome in the middle he tries a shot from a tight angle, and it flies over.
5 mins: Delofeu tries a magic ball from deep on the right looking for Lukaku, but it was hugely ambitious and is cut out quite easily. You get the impression that’s both a big strength and weakness of Delofeu’s game - he’s good enough to occasionally pull that stuff off, but he tries it more often than he probably should.
3 mins: First attacking comes from Everton, as Delofeu picks up a pass intended for Lukaku in the middle and drives through the middle, outstripping a few defenders along the way, before Bassong gets in his way and the Spanish winger fouls his opponent before he can get a shot away.
1 mins: We’re away. The rain is teeming down in a deeply pleasing manner. Here’s hoping for a few slides.
The players are out on the pitch, Stones among them so he’s either OK or this is quite a gamble.
Without wishing to go all Bob Geldof on you, if you’ve got any spare money knocking around, gissit.
The Stones incident looked like the very definition of innocuous - he was practicing some heading, didn’t even really jump and went over on his ankle. If they’re lucky it’ll just be a twist and he’ll run it off, but there must be a debate as to whether it’s worth risking making him start. One consideration is that there isn’t really a ready-made replacement on the bench - Brendan Galloway is the only defender, but he’s not a centre-half, or they could stick Gareth Barry back there and bring in either Leon Osman or Darron Gibson.
Oooh, possible drama here - John Stones seems to have done himself some injury woe in the warm-up. He’s received some treatment and is slowly limping off the field. No word yet on whether he’ll be able to start, but that would be pretty bad news if he can’t.
Or perhaps you’d prefer an interview with Jean-Marc Bosman, in which he makes the following claim...
I would say that football in England is beautiful thanks to Jean-Marc Bosman.” So says the former Belgian midfielder who arguably had more of an impact on the European game than Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi combined. Now he “earns nothing”, has two children to raise and is remembered by many as a mere name in history. Bosman. On a Bosman. A Bosman deal. He is often forgotten, perhaps because 20 years after his landmark victory at the European Court of Justice, it seems difficult to recall a time when elite players ever felt seriously trapped.
20 minutes til kick-off. Fancy a spot of reading about how Carrow Road came to be, 80 years ago? Allow Scott Murray to explain...
So one change for Everton, as Leighton Baines makes his first start of the season after being out since May with an ankle injury. For Norwich, Cameron Jerome plays up top, replacing Lewis Grabban who had been there for the last couple of games, while Declan Rudd continues in nets and Gary O’Neil returns in midfield.
Team news
Norwich City
Rudd; Wisdom, Martin, Bassong, Olsson; O’Neil, Tettey; Redmond, Hoolahan, Brady; Jerome. Subs: Ruddy, Grabban, Howson, Mbokani, Dorrans, Mulumbu, Bennett.
Everton
Howard; Coleman, Stones, Funes Mori, Baines;
Cleverley, Barry; Deulofeu, Barkley, Kone; Lukaku. Subs: Robles, Gibson, Mirallas, Lennon, Naismith, Osman, Galloway.
Referee: Martin Atkinson (West Yorkshire)
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Preamble
Michael Barrymore. Noel’s House Party. Cast. Swampy. Sarah Ferguson’s toes. Boys II Men. Those Kappa tracksuit tops. Knowing all the words to the The sense of hope that was sold to us but ultimately turned out to be a lie, a generation promised a dream that wasn’t real so we carry a lingering sense of jealousy and resentment to those that came before and after us. Power Rangers.
All of these things are associated with the 1990s. Also, in the mind of your minute-by-minuter, Norwich v Everton. In our foggy brain the early years of the Premier League were a constant stream of games in which the protagonists were Mark Ward, Rob Newman, John Polston, Jeremy Goss, Ian Culverhouse, Graeme Stuart, Dave Watson and Bryan Gunn.
Actually, of course Norwich were relegated in 1995 and didn’t return until 2004, so as it turns out memory is absolute nonsense. But still, good fun to invent these things, if only because it limits the feeling that you could’ve done something else with your life, that everything in the last 20 years or so has basically been a waste of time. Or something like that. Sometimes it’s just nice to remember nice things. Even if they weren’t true. Piers Morgan made a book out of it.
Anyway. Back to the game at hand. Roberto Martinez isn’t fussed about running his star striker into the ground, even though the remarkable thing about the 22-year-old Romelu Lukaku scoring 50 goals in 100 appearances wasn’t quite so much the goals, more that a man so young has made 100 appearances in two-and-a-bit seasons. He said:
I don’t see such a problem, I think it is the opposite for young players. I’m happy to keep players like Romelu, Ross Barkley, Gerry Deulofeu and John Stones in the team together, it is a matter of keeping the momentum going. It is different if they pick up a knock or a strain but until that happens as long as they are playing well they can carry on. Burnout comes when you are not playing well and still forced to play. That makes you play with pressure and that can be tough.”
For their part, Norwich have actually been showing some signs of improvement in the last few weeks, but they’ve still only won one in the last ten, and sit perilously close to the relegation zone. It’s not losing to Arsenal or Chelsea that’s the problem, more being beaten by Watford and gubbed by Newcastle - Newcastle! - that will torpedo their chances.
Should be a reasonably good game, this. Although we never can tell in this strange world where we remember things that didn’t happen. Stick around to find out.
Kick-off: 12.45pm
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