IT'S ALL OVER
In a shock exit, Ben Milbourne is finished in the MasterChef kitchen. Rose has another fight left in her, and Reynold has more time to refine his mastery over time, space and sugar.
Next week: hundreds of screaming people are packed in to a small space to watch the remaining contestants cook. They’re screaming - droplets flying everywhere - and rubbing their sweaty bodies all over each other.
I didn’t catch exactly what’s happening outside of that because the sight was too alarming.
Thanks for following along again! I’ll be back next Sunday. (That is, unless I get canned for saying “dick and balls” too many times.)
Ben says he came on the show to give back to the MasterChef kitchen and see his best mate Andy do good as a judge.
Let’s pour one of Hayden’s beers out for Andy and Ben’s sweet bromance.
Note for the remaining Ben: see how that ice cream isn’t shaped like a dick and balls?
Ben is going home!
His dish was “so acidic that none of [the judges] could have finished it”. That is... quite bad feedback.
The worst dishes: Rose and Ben Milbourne.
Reynold, Tessa and Brendon have the best dishes! The only surprise there is that they bothered mentioning Tessa and Brendon at all.
It’s not so bad!! The rest of the good (non-HP) parts of the dish make up for everything. Amina lives to placate white culture another day.
So, where are we at? Reynold clearly has the best dish. And, at the bottom end, it seems to be Rose, Hayden, Ben Milbourne and maybe Amina (tasting pending).
We’ll only be sending one home tonight. Get your guesses in now.
Hayden being mad on Twitter while watching the show isn’t a good sign for his fate...
More bad news: the ad for the baby stealing show is back.
UGHHHH. Andy says “I know you know that that kebab isn’t quite right” and looks very serious. The British truly ruin everything.
Tessa gets a slow clap from Andy for some flathead. Harry also makes some good fish. Callum makes tacos (note for Dani: more than one).
Now it’s Amina’s turn… Jock is hollering and hooting for his brown sauce.
The judges looking down the nose at Hayden for using packet corn chips that *they themselves* put in the pantry is some red hot bullshit I tell you what. #masterchefau
— Cam Tyeson (@camtyeson) April 26, 2020
Well, it’s not fantastic. But it’s not completely terrible. At least it has a strong chance of beating Rose’s gross panna cotta and Hayden’s beer and Doritos.
Hayden has a point but also.. it’s clearly a trap. C’mon bro you’ve been on this show before.
Hello, here’s some DRAMA
You don't want chips out of a packet, don't put them in the pantry #masterchefau
— Hayden Quinn (@hayden_quinn) April 26, 2020
Ben’s salmon is up! Is this another bottom three dish? Or is he the obligatory Good Cook with the Bad Edit for tonight’s episode?WE’LL FIND OUT AFTER THE BREAK.
Sarah smashed it. Khanh does good. Laura makes pasta which Jock loves blah blah blah.
no one:
— Rida (@ridababar_) April 22, 2020
absolutely no one:
Jock tasting Laura’s dish in EVERY episode: immaculate. As close to perfection as it could get. In fact, everyone else go home Laura wins #masterchefau
Hayden!!! BroooooooOOOO! He’s on the bevs. Hayden walks up with three beers for the judges confirming my suspicions that his dish was 99% related to beer. It’s a risky move considering this is a cooking competition and the other part of his dish is store-bought corn chips.
Well, she has reason to be worried. The crumb sucks, the peaches aren’t charred very well, the aftertaste is no good. It’s definitely another week for Rose in the bottom three :(
It’s set perfectly! Rose, never not doubting herself, immediately tries to point out another potential flaw with it.
Hm, my editor is threatening to delete this post.
certainly the first time a guardian live blog has used "dick and balls" three times in one post, cheers @msmegwatson until i'm asked to delete it https://t.co/BbHgBjewVt #MasterChefAU pic.twitter.com/UcYw0FnQw6
— steph harmon (@stephharmon) April 26, 2020
I thought the Guardian valued honest and clear journalism. This is, quite clearly, a dick and balls.
Rose brings up her dish of soupy panna cotta. She does not forget any elements of the dish because it is “peaches and cream”.
Melissa “feels privileged” to eat it. Andy says it may be the dish of the competition. Melissa whispers softly to Reynold that “this is why we do what we do”. Everyone is on the verge of complete ecstasy. I feel alive with the depth and possibility of human creation.
So, who’s next? Oh Rose….
Reynold transports the judges to another realm of being
!!! Jock has a full Ratatouille moment and is suddenly overcome by the urge to embrace Reynold. He squeezes him tightly, perhaps hoping that some kind of well-balanced raspberry compote will ooze out his ears and eyes.
Everyone is hugging and licking sweet Reynold’s face, desperate to absorb his dessert sorcery.
Time for Reynold’s simple dessert!! Ahh, I think this is one of Jamie Oliver’s 15-Minute meals?
If there’s one rule of doing anything on national TV surely it’s “at all costs, avoid doing a dick and balls”. And yet...
Ben serves up a dick and balls
I regret to inform you that Big Ben Ungermann has made a dick out of ice cream. It is, quite clearly, a dick and balls.
Is this MasterChef’s first dick and balls? Historic stuff.
Jess’ Sugar Toad is great! So is Simon’s corn pudding and Chris’ carrot salad (but not great enough to get more airtime).
Jess has made a little statue of cherries, ice cream, foam and chocolate. Melissa says it looks like Toad from Mario Kart which, yes.
But the rest is ok!! They “want to love it”. Has she done it? Has she made Mexican food “GOOD”? Who’s to say. (Mexican chefs, feel free to get in touch)
Eee, the tortilla is too thick and has not cooked. That seems like quite a vital part of this small tortilla-based dish.
...
Dani being like “a few restaurants in Mexico have done it” in reference to MAKING A GOOD TACO has absolutely ruined me #MasterChefAU
— becca (@bvrcoe) April 26, 2020
Dani nervously brings her singular taco (?) up to the three judges. She says her idea is to “elevate street food to fine dining”. I feel like I’ve been buying overpriced tacos for about 10 years now and it’s sucked that whole time, but ok good luck to you!
Brendan’s biang biang noodles are up next. And the judges love ‘em! Jock loves them so much he comes perilously close to using Andy’s catchphrase and says they are “bang on”.
Time to taste!
Poh is first up! Of course, her slice is “perfect”. It is so perfect, in fact, that it looks like an emoji.
The cook is over. Poh completed her dish. Rose’s pana cotta just set. Someone’s hibachi is on fire, engulfing their bench in flames, nature is healing.
Two minutes to go! Reynold is perfecting his masterpiece.
Rose has a big mess of nothing in front of her. Poh is feeling fine.
We’re back, and Amina’s mince is too wet. She thinks it could have been the HP…
Wow, who would have suspected that something British would waltz in and almost entirely destroy a thing that was doing perfectly fine without its involvement.
The beloved hibachi has forsaken Amina! The meat is falling apart on the grill. Will Target do returns on the thousands of hibachis people have panic-bought over the past week?
Find out after this ad break.
Rose is having trouble again. Her panna cotta is not setting. Luckily she’s having no trouble shutting down Jock’s stories.
Sarah, who is narrating this whole thing, reckons Benny M’s salmon is not going to be cooked evenly and Dani’s tortilla looks bad. The power of winning the last cook is going to her head. But also, she’s not wrong.
My partner, sitting next to me on the couch just said “Melissa’s husband wasn’t even hot” which ok... Didn’t know this blog was going to be so ~controversial~ (or at least so controversial for my relationship)
Poh says Reynold is basically a cooking robot, and she is not wrong.
Reynold:” I just want to challenge myself”
— Caitlin (@caitiejayne) April 26, 2020
*builds a working model of the ISS out of jam*#MasterChefAU
Bad news: Poh is back to give us all a panic attack. Her French vanilla slice is not cooking in time, and it looks like she won’t have enough time to let it cool before putting the cream on.
In better news: Andy doesn’t give her the usual MasterChef grief about it; he just gives her a little hug. New MasterChef is truly so much better than before hey :’)
nobody:
— vivian ☁️ (@lampsunnies) April 26, 2020
absolutely nobody:
all the contestants this season: yeh it usually takes five days to set but i think i can do it in an hour#MasterChefAU
I would watch an ASMR channel where Brendan just stretches and slaps noodles.
If you’re just tuning in, tonight’s elimination challenge has the contestants cooking dishes from the judge’s favourite ingredients - their “day on a plate”. They can pretty much cook what they like, and the worst dish will send that contestant home.
The hot tip for best dish is Reynold: every ad has given away the judge’s entire reaction. They drool so much they all slip over and start swimming around in it like some kind of Covid anxiety-induced nightmare.
But who will be the WORST?
Ben Milbourne is doing a confusing salmon dish which the judges seem to not like at all. “This makes no sense, you seem to have no clue, see ya later I guess”.
Hayden has mentioned beers so many times I missed what he’s cooking. Some chippies and beers? A bit of a rustic spread for the lads? Can’t wait to get on the froths and have a feed!
An update on Reynold’s “simple dessert”: it’s now been described as “super ambitious” and something that fills him with adrenalin. Various creamy pastes are being piped and smeared all over his bench, and he is wilfully defying the conventional understanding of “time”.
Reynold deciding to do dessert again. #MasterChefAU pic.twitter.com/axG8imUDxE
— Tara Watson (@tara_watson_) April 26, 2020
Poh is doing a French vanilla slice - her “favourite brekky”!! Extremely cute, very unhealthy.
Is Channel Ten short of money. Why has this whole season been sponsored by Usain Bolt.
you can tell #MasterChefAU is pre-filmed because they keep using Usain Bolt as a reference of speed. Of course, those of us in the present know that he has been dethroned. pic.twitter.com/0BD2jzJTKZ
— jackson langford (@jacksonlangford) April 20, 2020
Also worth noting that Dani is not using her immunity pin for this challenge. There is only one immunity pin for the whole series and she won it straight out of the gate.
It’s good because she will have a free pass for whatever cook she chooses. It’s bad because, for every other cook, she faces this very difficult conversation with the judges that is milked for drama and anxiety.
Dani is making tacos which are “very simple” and simple is not good enough for MasterChef!!* **
* except in Monday’s challenge where “very simple” prawns and bananas easily won the day
** except when Laura makes perfect pasta with the daring combination of [checks notes] “cheese” and “pepper”.
Amina placates the white judges
Amina is using Jock’s HP sauce in her kebab. It is a very smart way to play the white judges.
Reynold is making a “simple dessert” which I guess means he’ll only use a little bit of dry ice. Maybe it will be “simple” like minimalist art that makes people rethink basic principles of form and structure, and makes middle-aged art teachers cry in the middle of galleries. I guarantee he says the word “deconstructed” before the episode is through.
“ooooOOOOOOOHHH Big Reynold’s going sweet, I reckon”. I am in perfect unison with Andy in this moment.
The challenge is set
So! For tonight’s challenge, contestants will need to cook using the ingredients from each judge’s “day on a plate”.
Jock’s pantry consists entirely of coffee, pancetta, pecorino, HP sauce, and ingredients to make pasta (ie, the shopping list of an annoying Arts student who’s living off their family’s money and has just discovered Italian cinema). Andy’s pantry features a lot more veg and loads of Mexican ingredients. Melissa’s pantry has pasta ingredients as well, plus Japanese staples including miso and salmon.
The contestants don’t have to pick just one pantry - they can pick and choose from each table, but they can’t use the regular pantry or the garden (bad news for Poh’s cakes).
The challenge is simple: make a good food! The worst food goes home.
Jock then uses his incredibly satisfying commercial pasta machine to make cacio e pepe. Back in the kitchen, Laura is frantically taking notes.
Jock’s turn! Coffee and a pancetta roll, as he slices thin pieces off a $200 slab of cured meat. Relatable.
Only really hot people are this comfortable being ugly.
Updated
RIP to every queer woman in Australia. Melissa just described her friend as her “girlfriend” before immediately revealing her incredibly attractive tattooed husband. It’s Lesbian Visibility Day, Melissa. How rude.
Melissa’s also starting her day with coffee. And a selection of enormous cakes and pastries? I too eat half a kilo of chocolate cake for my breakfast, but that’s mainly a result of isolation baking guilt. WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO WITH ALL THESE BAKED GOODS.
Andy is filming himself cooking himself a steak at home, zooming in way too much on a random bowl, and then having an elaborate solo dinner party for content reasons.
Some people say that MasterChef is a tired format, but this pre-quarantine content is truly ahead of its time.
We’re doing Andy’s “day on a plate”, and it starts off with a coffee and a kwa-san.
Andy is on the screen! Seeing shaky video messages off someone’s phone is extremely triggering to me at this time.
The contestants are here, but there are no judges! There are only big TVs. Everyone is extremely thrown by this: “What is this”, “I am freaking out”, “What is going on”.
That is, everyone except Hayden who must have been down at the skate park when the producers gave the direction to act confused: “it’s going to be a video message”.
We’re back for another week
Hello! We’ve made it through another week and, as a treat, we get to watch a third person sacrificed to the MasterChef gods (Melissa’s earrings).
If you missed my first post last week, yes Guardian Australia is live-blogging MasterChef now! I’ll be with you for each Sunday 7.30pm elimination show providing running commentary, and sharing the best tweets and takes. Get involved in the comments below or find me on Twitter (@msmegwatson).
If you’ve missed some of the 18 episodes in the past seven days, here’s a recap:
It was a great week for: Hibachis, Asian representation, Melissa’s beautiful sunhat, and Sarah - who is the only person safe from tonight’s elimination cook after impressing the judges with “perfect” lemongrass and coriander beef.
It was a bad week for: People who enjoy eating their dinner without watching line after line of prawn excrement being dangled in front of their faces, that woman in the ad breaks who has her baby stolen, and Courtney - who became the second contestant to be eliminated.
Even though every judge agreed her food was the most delicious, Courtney was sent home for not successfully operating a squeeze bottle of sauce in the allotted time. This show is ruthless, life is pain, see ya later Courtney.
It was a controversial week for: Andy’s fashion choices. Personally I loved the pink satin, but I do see the argument against it...
Why is Andy dressed like Ellen DeGeneres? #MasterChefAU pic.twitter.com/ekhjivBRX9
— anthony 🍨 (@IceCreamTony) April 22, 2020
Tonight: another elimination! All we know so far is that it will be based on the judge’s favourite foods, “My Day on a Plate”-style. Also that Reynold will do something “MAGICAL” which, duh.
Updated
